Since my blog yesterday has created so much drama and such strong feelings. How about we consider this an intervention. Instead of judging how I did things, why doesn't everyone who feels like my sister needs help, step up and say something? I got the ball rolling, now anyone who wants to offer help, voice an opinion, give some guidance should step up. I know you all agree that what I said was true, whether it was "right" or "wrong" is your OPINION. Keep in mind one thing; IF I DIDN'T CARE AT ALL, WHY WOULD I BE SPENDING ALL THIS TIME ON IT?
As you know, you can leave anonymous comments. I've done the attacking, you can offer the help and support. Show her that there are people that care and you want to see her follow through with gaining independence. A simple, "I think you can do it" or "I can offer to babysit on Sundays." My only concern is that she has taken advantage of everyone who has helped so far! Me. My dad. My mom. My Aunt. etc.
I've done all I can do!
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Well, all I can say is that if she wants to be independent & if she wants people to mind their own business (like you not saying anything to her) then she really needs to work to BECOME independent (not just say it). Anyone helping out I'm sure do it out of the goodness of their heart for the kids & maybe because they feel sorry for her, but the ones that help her by supporting her need to understand, if they don't stop providing for her, she will never grow up because she's used to people solving HER problems. We all have to figure out one way or another how to solve our own problems because we want to be independent people. Grown ups. We know how to prioritize what is important in life. Husband or not, we got to figure out how we are going to provide for our kids & for ourselves. Otherwise we would be out in the street, right?
ReplyDeleteYour parents are enablers. They think they are helping your sister, but in reality they are making things worse! As long as they keep making life easy for her, she will never (and why would she want to) grow up, and take any kind of responsibilty for herself or her children.
ReplyDeleteSomeone had to step up and say what everyone is thinking but no one will say! The sad thing is, it doesn't even sound like she appreciates what opportunity she has been given. Hopefully it all doesn't fall on deaf ears. Good for you Kyle.
ReplyDeleteMy guess is that your parents use her as a reason to stay together and it makes them feel worthwhile to help. Unfortunately, your wisdom on this falls on deaf ears and while it's great you're seeking everyone to help her, she doesn't need any help...she's well taken care of.
ReplyDeleteYOUR FOLKS ARE THE PROBLEM. She is their addiction. Until they realize they give her permission to be a user, etc., nothing will change.
In the meantime, go live your life - you are a great guy with infinite opportunities...they will bring you down. Only get involved if you see the kids in any danger. And, if I were you, I would only see your parents away from their home - meet them half-way, or invite them to your place. Keep your sanity!
I absolutely agree with all the comments about your parents making things worse. I know it is hard to watch your child spiral down. The only thing that can help a situation like this is for your parents to come together as a couple and start dishing out some tough love. The tough love will be hard on the person receiving it as well as the people giving it. But the time has come to be strong, grab some scissors and cut the umbilical cord. Things will only get worse if they don't and not just worse for their daughter but for the grandchildren. Be tough for the grandchildren if nothing else....
ReplyDeleteif all else fails, and she does nothing about wanting to improve herself, don't worry...you got to believe in KARMA...
ReplyDeleteOh, KARMA is all over her right now. The problem is it hitting her family because she is living with them. It's like sitting next to a person on a plane when their time is up, guess what? Your going down with the plane too suckers, hope you packed a parachute! If you hang around people that have it coming to them you will be stuck in the middle of it all when life gives them all they deserve. Hang around good people good things will happen, hang around bad or screwed up people.... do I really even need to finish the statement... I think not!
ReplyDeleteFor those who would like to be PRO-active and not Re-active, here is my resume. You can email me for a hard copy as well.
ReplyDeleteHeather McLaughlin
39690 Glenwood Court
Murrieta, CA 92563
Cell (562) 310-0221
heathermclaughlin1@yahoo.com
OBJECTIVE
I am seeking a nights and weekends position in the Temecula/Murrieta area.
SKILLS
Excel, Word, Outlook, PowerPoint, and XP, ACT! Database Program, General proficiency in Spanish, Type 40 WPM, HIPPA Test Passed, Food handling and preparation safety class
WORK EXPERIENCE
American Greetings/Papyrus, Riverside County, CA
Sales Account Coordinator October, 2008 – Present
• Setting up and maintaining inventory
• Merchandising greeting card displays
Bristol Farms, Long Beach, CA
Barista/Coffee Department November, 2006 – February, 2007
• Made specialty coffee drinks
• Restocking inventory and supplies
• Sales and Cashier
• Merchandising displays
• Customer Service
• Handling and packaging food
Innovative Tool Sales, Anaheim, CA
Administrative Assistant/Customer Service May, 2005 – July 2007
• Answering telephones
• Updating and maintaining ACT! Database.
• Creating product flyers for distributors.
• Creating Power Point Presentations for demonstrations, sales, and information.
• Assisting in planning business meetings and trips.
• Distributor catalog creation.
• Handling incoming and outgoing UPS, DHL, and FedEx packages.
• Moderate to heavy filing.
• Light purchasing.
• Inventory management.
• Miscellaneous administrative duties.
Office Team, Irvine, CA
Temporary Receptionist/Customer Service August, 2004 – January 2005
• Answering a 200 line switchboard.
• Handling incoming and outgoing UPS and FedEx packages.
• Moderate to heavy filing.
Heather- this is beyond ridiculous. After all that has been said you have the nerve to post your resume above so that ONCE AGAIN OTHER PEOPLE CAN DO THE WORK FOR YOU. It really makes me angry that you are just another statistic when you had every opportunity to make different choices in life and not be where you are today.
ReplyDeleteI can honeslty say that i truly believe you should never have had children. You are not a fit parent. its an aweful situation for your poor children.
You have to grow up- that is the bottom line. When your parents die where will you be? Sitting at their gravesite waiting for a handout to get yourself home. WAKE UP- if you continue along the same lines you are on now you will alienate everyone around you and end up with nothing and no one.
At this point you need to swallow your pride and provide for your family. YOU chose to have children and YOU chose to live the lifestyle you are living. Get a job- ANY job. Get Two jobs, get THREE. Get a perpaid phone, ride the bus. Eat frozen dinners at home and tuck your own kids into bed every night. act your age, not your shoe size.
Betty and Mark- you really have becoem enablers. Tough love is your only option now- REAL tough love, not what you have attempted to do. if she is going to act like she is 12, then treat her like she is 12. You have lived your lives as parents of children, its time for YOU to live the life YOU want to live.
...and Kyle- i want you to know that i have admired you for many many years. we have been friends for quite a few years and i can honestly tell you, from the bottom of my heart, that you are an amazing guy. i value my friendship with you. in this situation with your family, you have once again shown that you take an active interest in the lives and well being of others. there are many brothers that wouldnt blink at the sight of the situation your sister has gotten herself into. but you, you really love her and are sad to see her in this mess. I know you are angry- but it is obvious to all your friends that you are reacting like this becasue you are a stand up guy. you love and care for your family. I think if anything, you can thank your sister for being a good example of what not to do with one's life. I think you and i have something in common- that is, as much as we are bothered by the choices our families make sometimes, we are ALWAYS there to help pick up the peices, both financially, and emotionally. I honor and respect you for that. Ralph Waldo Emerson said "finish each day and be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." I like to live by those words, and i encourage you to live by them also. tomorrow truly is a new day, and if you begin each day with too high a spirit to be bothered by yeserdays nonsense, you will succeed. have faith kyle, that the universe is unfolding exactly the way it should. you have a good head on your shoulders- so keep it held high and never lose that sense of love and passion that you have for life. it is a joy to be your friend.
ReplyDelete