Failed responsibility

I remember the first day I saw my dog. I was going to a dog training class with my best friend in the world, at that time, Ashley. Side note-I proposed to this girl during an assembly in the 1st grade. She had this little terrier. The trainer came with a dog that she hand found stray around the 4th of July. She asked if anyone there would want it, as she couldn't take on ANOTHER dog. My eyes lit up! I asked my parents and we brought her home for a trial day or two. The first thing she did was run around the backyard and fall into the pond haha. My parents ended up letting me have her. This was when I was in 6th grade. 1995. We named her Shilo after the Neil Diamond song.

Ashley and I would continue on together in the training. We also used to take our dogs out with rollerblades (they were still cool then) and Shilo would pull me almost faster than I wanted to go. We'd go around the elementary schools and Shilo would stand on two legs and drink out of the drinking fountain, then off we went again. She would chase the hose around yapping at it. She would play with an old bouy we tied to a rope on the tree. She listened. She protected our house from flying bugs, birds, people etc.

I went away to college and since that time, I have completely neglected Shilo. Very rarely was she bathed, walked or even pet. She's now about 15-16 years old.

So today I went to feed her and decided I would give her some wet food on top of the same old dry food she eats day in and day out. She came around the corner, nearly deaf and kind of stumbled trying to stand and eat her food. She ended up sitting, looking at me. I moved the food closer to her and she ate there for a few seconds, then tried to stand and almost fell over. She sat again and ate what she could. She then tried to stand again and stumbled a few steps and laid down. Her face still looking healthy and colorful. She tried to get up again, walked a few steps and laid down, almost as if she meant to lay right there in that spot.

I left for work and I'm afraid of what I may have to do tonight or tomorrow. I know she's "old" but had I realized the responsibility that I am now trying to possess, she would still be "old" but in better condition. Had she still gone on walks, had baths, had a decent place to live (we've seen pictures of what my backyard WAS looking like) she may be healthier and potentially die happier. No matter what happens, I will always have my memories with my first pet as vivid as anything. And I know I'll always have the song to remind me of her. If I spoke dog, I'd say I'm sorry for "forgetting" about her and not giving her the attention I used to give her. I love you Shilo. :(

Neil Diamond's -Shilo

Young child with dreams
Dream, every dream on your own
When children play
Seems like you end up alone

Papa says hed love to be with you
If he had the time
So you turn to the only friend you can find
There in your mind

(my favorite part, the chorus)
Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
And we'd play

Young girl with fire (reminds me of her red hair)
Something said she understood
I wanted to fly
She made me feel like I could
Held out my hand, and I let her take me
Blind as a child (reminds me of her pulling me on my rollerblades)
All I saw was the way that she made me smile
She made me smile

Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
And yo'ud stay

Had a dream, and it filled me with wonder
She had other plans
Got to go, and I know youll understand
I understand

Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
Come today