Life isn't always positive

So, as you could probably assume, goal #7, expressing feelings, can't ALWAYS be positive feelings. This time, it's angry. This post will be a mixture of my idea of a plan for someone and my feelings about why I am coming up with this plan. It's not going to be a typical Kyle post, because I'm pissed.

Preface: I love my parents. I love my niece and nephew. All things that I couldn't choose to have in my life, but I would in a heartbeat and love them nonetheless.

My parents, are great people, but rather weak in one particular aspect. Well, three if you count my mom's weakness around a casino and my dad's around a golf course. But when it comes to my sister, they're the weakest of all. I find it absolutely amazing that they're still taking care of 32 year old and her two kids, with no end in sight, and no plan to dictate an end. She's not disabled, has no handicaps, and is perfectly healthy, yet here they are still raising her. This isn't something new though. This is something that we've been trying to deal with for years. But now, given financial situations, it's gone on too long. Before I get too far, Mom and Dad, I'm sorry. I know you'll be upset.

Let me break down the Sister-Cycle.
1. Find a man.
2. Use him until you find something wrong with him.
3. Keep him around until you find a new man.
4. Dump first man.
5. Have a moment of "strength" and "independence." This is where there is a vow to "be my own person" and "get my life straight" and "move out and be on my own." This usually lasts about 1-3 weeks, then it's back on a dating site and trying desperately to find a new man. The kids get 1-3 weeks of mildly better treatment, but then the focus is back on the next man that will allow her to be jobless for the next 3 years.
6. Move on to next man.
7. Rinse and repeat. I find it eerily similar to what people do for work at a place called the bunny ranch.

She recently started a blog, here, which shows shes in step 5 currently. It claims to be something along the lines of learning from the past and making a better future, but it looks more like complaining that she doesn't get a life because of kids and a vent directed at other people versus actually making a change and creating goals for herself. It won't be long before money that isn't there is being spent on a subscription to a dating site.

Brief background. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has tried to "help" with a zero percent success rate. I put myself out there about 2 years ago. Put together a plan. A schedule for her and her daughter for school and play time. Negotiated credit cards so they would stop calling my parents. Paid her target bill. Had consequences to actions. Put a financial plan and budget together. All of this, only to find out one month later that she had been hiding a planned pregnancy from my dad and I.

Now, 2 years later, still living with my parents (abouuuut 6 years and running now), and in step 5 of the cycle, it's only a matter of days before the search is on for the next new man, the kids are pushed aside, Hailey has daddy #3 (its been a new one every 2.5 years or so), and my parents endure another 3 years of financial "obligation" to their daughter. I think it was after Hailey's real dad left, that I saw a headline for my sisters Match.com profile read, "I'm looking for Mr. Right, but in the meantime, I'll take Mr. Right Now!" A sure-fire way to find a real pick of the litter to be the next father figure for your daughter. Oh and another time later on, when she was on the phone, and Hailey came in, took a drink of the energy drink, and poured it out because she thought it was "bad." Well mommy bad-mouthed the "stupid little shit" when she was standing in front of me, and IIII got to watch the "stupid little shit's" eyes fill up with tears as she ran off to her bedroom. The worst part was that Hailey told me that she accidently poked herself in the eyes and that's why she was crying. Obviously the phone call about the guy she was talking to was more important than raising a child.

The main reason for this is my mom. She refuses to allow any discussions about my sister and defends her any time someone brings it up. MOM! SHE'S 32. ARE YOU GOING TO SUPPORT HER UNTIL SHES 64? Enough is enough. Cut the strings! DO SOMETHING! You can't say you're proud of raising this!

Here's a simple plan to at least let her learn some responsibility, even though I can probably guarantee there's an excuse for every one of them from her.

Phone: You gave dad $60 for two months and he added you to his line. We all know after two months, he's not going to get paid again. I suggest that he give the $60 back, and you go get a prepaid phone. No money = no phone. Be responsible enough to control your own PERKS in life. The schools need a phone # for emergency, use dad's.

Food: Use your money to get food for the kids. If you've got extra, then get some for yourself. If not, ASK the parents if you can use theirs. If they say ok, repay it when you can or with cleaning or doing something around the house. If they're going to continue to let you eat with no paying, you should be cooking EVERY night. Earn your keep. You're not 12 anymore! You get food stamps or whatever, you use it and live off of it until you EARN something better.

Room & Board: If they're letting you stay for free, you better keep that place spotless. You know damn well that if it were just mom and dad, like it should be, that house would be spotless. Like it was before you moved in. You know how dad is. I don't care if you "pickup" or do whatever, S-P-O-T-L-E-S-S is how it should be! Especially with being virtually unemployed! It's your kids that are making it dirty.

Bills: I know mom and dad have paid some of your debt off, and I know you still got bills. Time to cut out all the stupid stuff you spend money on. No, you DON'T get to go out drinking. No, you don't get to go out to dinner. NO YOU DON'T GET TO JOIN A DATING SITE! NO YOU DON'T GET TO GO ON A DATE! You have $20, send it towards a bill! Be responsible. Let mom and dad give you an allowance! Any money you have, you give to them as rent. They can then give you an allowance if what you want is worth it. You obviously can't handle any money you do get!

Kids: Structure and positive reinforcement. I don't care what you "say" when I'm there, there is no such thing. Get off your ass and be a damn parent! When your child almost drowns, don't go on a rant about how you're a "Shitty fuckin mother" and point out someone else who has a kid in the pool. SEE IF YOUR KID IS FUCKING ALIVE! And then to downplay it and say he was only under a second, and you were watching him? So what, he could have gone another 3 seconds before you put your cigarette down and jumped in the pool? lol You are undeserving and unfit to be a mother. You're a selfsih mooch who cares about having a man more than anything. Without a man, you have no excuse but to do it on your own. Solution: Teach them something. Have positive play time with BOTH kids. Let the siblings PLAY TOGETHER! Or work out something where you actually get a job and grow up. I don't get how you doesn't understand WHY Hailey doesn't do anything you asks her to. It's because she knows she's going to get in trouble regardless, so why not keep doing what she's doing? You did the same thing with dad. You knew he was going to criticize HOW you did, so why do it at all?

When I started this, I thought that somehow, some way, something would resonate, and I could gain a sister I would choose, but something tells me this was just another 30 minutes wasted. Why would someone change after 32 years? It's hard enough for me to commit to the little things I'm trying to do, like the lawn. Why would a 32 year that hasn't had to work hard for anything, want to give that up. So long as people enable her, it will just continue on. And my parents wonder why I never want to go out and visit them. It's because I can't just visit you two, I have to visit everyone and sitting there listening to Hailey get yelled at drives me nuts!

Well, now that it's out there. Let's see what happens. I may have just ostracized myself from my own family. I just don't see why my parents have become so weak! I know they don't want this. My dad is too afraid of my mom, and my mom is on another planet when it comes to my sister.

Help needs to happen. But we've exhausted our energy on her. It needs to happen now, before my niece and nephew grow up to be drug dealers and strippers because their mom is too busy with the next man.