(please read till the end)
Friday, June 12, 2009 I posted on that old blog of mine my first post. It was about money and debt.
April 2013 i finally gained the courage and responsibility to cancel all (5) of my credit cards and started a debt management plan through Consumer Credit Counseling Services of San Francisco (non-profit, government backed, small fee to handle it all).
I had $16,552 in CC debt plus about $3,000 in IRS debt. It was a 5 year program. I was proud for taking the step, but still felt like 5 years was a lifetime.
January 2014 I went through a Tony Robbins CD program that flipped my world around (I can let you use it if you want) and changed a lot of things in my life by taking massive action. Mostly, I focused on paying that debt down to the best of my ability to free myself of that pain. Anyone who has experienced financial difficulty and stress may say that worrying about money may be the worst fear and anxiety one could encounter. Not to mention the effects it has on one's ego. Saying you don't have money, you can't go out, you are "busy" that weekend all because you have $19 in your account and are ashamed.
I had said a lot of really negative things about myself internally at that time. I shared some of that with some of you, but nobody really knew the pain I was struggling with. I also said it wasn't fair and actually believed it. The truth was that I was just uneducated and had bad practices and went through life unconsciously when it came to money. I was reactive instead of proactive.
With the new practices I created, such as facing the truth and checking my account every single day and know exactly how much I had, where I spent it, and getting honest with myself about why I spent it, if it was worth it, and forgiving myself for poor decisions vs. dwelling and punishing myself, I have great and empowering news today.
After only 2 years and 5 months in the 5 year program, nearly $20,000 in debt is officially gone today!!!
I could have done it about 2 months ago, but this last card still had 0% interest so it wasn't costing me anything (something I would have never understood about 3 years ago...interest). I'm proud of myself. I still struggle with negative thoughts on frivolous spending, but am much better at quickly forgiving myself and using it to learn.
Now, the purpose. The purpose of this post is not to brag about what I have accomplished. Not to gain praise. Nothing like that. My purpose for sharing is that someone may find hope and understanding in this situation and the process of setting goals.
Too often I hear people upset about how long it's taking to accomplish a goal. Too often people accomplish the goal and are left unsatisfied. Too often people are so blinded by the outcome and the problems to understand what is truly important. Here's what I believe.
The purpose of a goal is not the achievement of the goal, it's what you become in the process. Mental health is the goal. Being kind to yourself and learning from the process. This is where the true happiness and achievement come. The feel-good of achieving the goal is momentary. That's why we achieve and move right on to the next goal a day, a week, a month later. HOWEVER, the feel-good of becoming a smarter, stronger, mentally healthier person lasts forever. It is what gives you the wisdom that comes with age. Life university. Where you can talk about it to others and inspire and educate.
So I urge everyone reading this to shift your focus from the goal, to what you're learning in the process of its attainment. Which roads worked, which didn't. How you treated yourself for taking the wrong road. How quickly you forgave yourself. IF you forgave yourself. Forgive yourself. Nothing comes from punishing yourself; it's like setting up your own road blocks then getting upset they're there.
Or if you've recently accomplished something, recap what you learned in the process. It's much more fulfilling. It'll make you much more patient for the outcome of the next goal because there's SO much to learn along the way. Focus on this. I promise you'll become a much healthier person.
And if you want my help or guidance with how to handle mental health, please don't hesitate to reach out to me. It's my passion and I know how painful it is to be in a mental place where you're not kind to yourself.
Live and Love Consciously
Kyle
Friday, September 18, 2015
Monday, January 6, 2014
4 Years, 7 Months
**dusts cobwebs**::tap tap::: is this thing on?
Hello ghosts of yesteryear. remember me? 4 years and 7 months ago I created my first post on this thing. It was directed at my financial woes, insecurities and downright stupidity. 4 years and 7 months ago I PROCLAIMED LOUDLY, that things were going to change. 4 years and 7 months ago I had an "epiphany!" I even called the post that. 4 years and 7 months later, not much has changed.
I'm here to face my demons a little bit. To broadcast that I've been mostly all talk. To put out in the open, for whatever reason, how I feel and what I've gone through.
Cold hard facts. I ran up a lot of credit card and tax debt. I spent 4 years coming up with master plans to attack it, save, and remove my cloak of shame. I spent days actually doing it. Until 2013.
In about March/April 2013 the anxiety and fear of living the rest of my life not being able to afford vacations, an engagement ring, owning a house, having savings, raising a kid and all the other things money kind of dictates, I FINALLY took the appropriate action. I contacted the non-profit, Consumer Credit Counseling Services of San Francisco and after eliminating every "excuse" I had for how I couldn't survive without my credit cards, I pulled the trigger.
At $16,552 in credit cards, I called and canceled every single one. All FIVE of them. In a matter of minutes, I converted to an all cash budget. Whatever I earned, that's all there was. With the exception of about one or two times, due to poor financial decisions, I have lived now EIGHT months with only the cash I earn. Something I thought was impossible, was actually REALLY easy to do. On top of lowering the amount I paid each month combined, about $550 to $332, this service got two of my interest rates down to 2%, two to 9.99% and one to 7.99%. I will, if I simply follow the minimum payments, have everything paid off in 5 years from the date of inception. But beyond the money, the weight of the anxiety and fear has been lifted I no longer have that depression surrounding money! It still has a long way to go for me to be HAPPY, but I finally got rid of the monster!
At first, five years sounded like, "well, I guess I've got five years to get everything else in order to start my life at 35." But, as I just made a $500 payment - which saved me about two years on one card and about $220 in interest- I know that I'm capable of saving, budgeting, and accomplishing my goal faster than that.
2014 is about changing my focus. I was given Tony Robbins Ultimate Edge for Christmas and have found it very empowering so far. "Wherever focus goes, energy flows." I was always focused on not having money and how do I manage my credit card debt and, shockingly, all my energy went into not having money. Now I'm focused on saving, budgeting, self-control, living within my means, and guess what, my energy goes towards saving, budgeting, self-control, and living within my means. Say whaaa?
What's the point of all this? Why am I telling you? Because just like Mr. Tony Robbins, if my sharing what I've learned and discovered can help just one person, it's all worth it. So if you have ANY questions or fears or are in the same boat I was, please understand first and foremost, I UNDERSTAND THE SHAME that goes with it, and will NOT judge you. How could I? Second, please reach out, or click the link. The anxiety of money problems is one large sunufubitch, but you can overcome it!
On a side note, if any of my friends actually read this, and you think I'm lame that I, "never come out," please understand that I WANT TO, but I'm really focused on saving and accomplishing as much as I possibly can this year. That doesn't mean I wont have ANY fun, but I'll be more prone to hang out if it's not OUT at a bar or restaurant. And I'll do a better job at planning shindigs at my place! Deal?
More posts to come. This was just kind of a random smattering of thoughts, probably poorly written. oh well!
Hello ghosts of yesteryear. remember me? 4 years and 7 months ago I created my first post on this thing. It was directed at my financial woes, insecurities and downright stupidity. 4 years and 7 months ago I PROCLAIMED LOUDLY, that things were going to change. 4 years and 7 months ago I had an "epiphany!" I even called the post that. 4 years and 7 months later, not much has changed.
I'm here to face my demons a little bit. To broadcast that I've been mostly all talk. To put out in the open, for whatever reason, how I feel and what I've gone through.
Cold hard facts. I ran up a lot of credit card and tax debt. I spent 4 years coming up with master plans to attack it, save, and remove my cloak of shame. I spent days actually doing it. Until 2013.
In about March/April 2013 the anxiety and fear of living the rest of my life not being able to afford vacations, an engagement ring, owning a house, having savings, raising a kid and all the other things money kind of dictates, I FINALLY took the appropriate action. I contacted the non-profit, Consumer Credit Counseling Services of San Francisco and after eliminating every "excuse" I had for how I couldn't survive without my credit cards, I pulled the trigger.
At $16,552 in credit cards, I called and canceled every single one. All FIVE of them. In a matter of minutes, I converted to an all cash budget. Whatever I earned, that's all there was. With the exception of about one or two times, due to poor financial decisions, I have lived now EIGHT months with only the cash I earn. Something I thought was impossible, was actually REALLY easy to do. On top of lowering the amount I paid each month combined, about $550 to $332, this service got two of my interest rates down to 2%, two to 9.99% and one to 7.99%. I will, if I simply follow the minimum payments, have everything paid off in 5 years from the date of inception. But beyond the money, the weight of the anxiety and fear has been lifted I no longer have that depression surrounding money! It still has a long way to go for me to be HAPPY, but I finally got rid of the monster!
At first, five years sounded like, "well, I guess I've got five years to get everything else in order to start my life at 35." But, as I just made a $500 payment - which saved me about two years on one card and about $220 in interest- I know that I'm capable of saving, budgeting, and accomplishing my goal faster than that.
2014 is about changing my focus. I was given Tony Robbins Ultimate Edge for Christmas and have found it very empowering so far. "Wherever focus goes, energy flows." I was always focused on not having money and how do I manage my credit card debt and, shockingly, all my energy went into not having money. Now I'm focused on saving, budgeting, self-control, living within my means, and guess what, my energy goes towards saving, budgeting, self-control, and living within my means. Say whaaa?
What's the point of all this? Why am I telling you? Because just like Mr. Tony Robbins, if my sharing what I've learned and discovered can help just one person, it's all worth it. So if you have ANY questions or fears or are in the same boat I was, please understand first and foremost, I UNDERSTAND THE SHAME that goes with it, and will NOT judge you. How could I? Second, please reach out, or click the link. The anxiety of money problems is one large sunufubitch, but you can overcome it!
On a side note, if any of my friends actually read this, and you think I'm lame that I, "never come out," please understand that I WANT TO, but I'm really focused on saving and accomplishing as much as I possibly can this year. That doesn't mean I wont have ANY fun, but I'll be more prone to hang out if it's not OUT at a bar or restaurant. And I'll do a better job at planning shindigs at my place! Deal?
More posts to come. This was just kind of a random smattering of thoughts, probably poorly written. oh well!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
The Weather
The Weather. There are so many bigger issues to deal with, but somehow, it rules our lives.
It awakens us.
Waking up to a sunny day brings good thoughts and great memories. It feeds cravings. Once a sunny day is experienced, there’s nothing that’s craved more. We wake up each day, hoping the sun is there. It’s impossible to be down on a sunny day.
A gloomy day starts us on the wrong foot. The feeling of disappointment is immediate, yet tolerable. The day must go on, so we go through the motions with a mild disgust. We hope the gloom will turn into something better, like a sunny day, but sometimes our mood only sees the looming thunderstorm.
The thunderstorm both frightens us and gives a sense of loneliness. It makes us crave that sunny day. It makes us think that a gloomy day isn’t all that bad. We can’t sleep during a thunderstorm. However, if you’ve experienced a sunny day, it can help get you through the thunderstorm.
It dictates our lives.
It dictates what we wear; when it’s sunny, we bare all. When it’s gloomy, we start to cover up. When it’s a thunderstorm, we’re hidden beneath layers of protection.
It dictates what we do. When it’s sunny we do things we’ve never done, and even if it turns out terrible, it doesn’t matter because you’ve still got the sun. When it’s gloomy there is still plenty to do, but we just don’t feel like it. When it’s a thunderstorm, we bask in nothingness.
It dictates the mood. When it’s sunny, there’s nothing but happiness and delight. Our minds are swirling with all the things that make us happy. The warmth of the sun on our skin, the deep breaths and smells that calm us, the beauty of everything we see. When it’s gloomy, there’s bitterness and discomfort. We can think of positive things, but it’s like we’re trapped in limbo and can’t make the commitment, because we don’t know if it’s going to turn into a sunny day, a thunderstorm, or just stay gloomy. When it’s a thunderstorm, there’s loneliness and depression. We think of things we would never think about on a sunny day. What if I get stuck in this thunderstorm forever, and never feel the sun. What if something tragic happened, who would show up and how would they feel. Sometimes the thunderstorm leaves permanent, unseen damage.
The unfortunate part about the weather is, it keeps coming and you never know what it’s going to be or how long you’ll have to wait to have a permanent sunny day. Until then, we take the gloom and the thunderstorms and learn how to find the hidden rays of sun in each.
I’ve had about a year of the most beautiful, life changing sunny days I’ll ever experience, and I will hold on to that until it comes again, as vicious as this thunderstorm is.
It awakens us.
Waking up to a sunny day brings good thoughts and great memories. It feeds cravings. Once a sunny day is experienced, there’s nothing that’s craved more. We wake up each day, hoping the sun is there. It’s impossible to be down on a sunny day.
A gloomy day starts us on the wrong foot. The feeling of disappointment is immediate, yet tolerable. The day must go on, so we go through the motions with a mild disgust. We hope the gloom will turn into something better, like a sunny day, but sometimes our mood only sees the looming thunderstorm.
The thunderstorm both frightens us and gives a sense of loneliness. It makes us crave that sunny day. It makes us think that a gloomy day isn’t all that bad. We can’t sleep during a thunderstorm. However, if you’ve experienced a sunny day, it can help get you through the thunderstorm.
It dictates our lives.
It dictates what we wear; when it’s sunny, we bare all. When it’s gloomy, we start to cover up. When it’s a thunderstorm, we’re hidden beneath layers of protection.
It dictates what we do. When it’s sunny we do things we’ve never done, and even if it turns out terrible, it doesn’t matter because you’ve still got the sun. When it’s gloomy there is still plenty to do, but we just don’t feel like it. When it’s a thunderstorm, we bask in nothingness.
It dictates the mood. When it’s sunny, there’s nothing but happiness and delight. Our minds are swirling with all the things that make us happy. The warmth of the sun on our skin, the deep breaths and smells that calm us, the beauty of everything we see. When it’s gloomy, there’s bitterness and discomfort. We can think of positive things, but it’s like we’re trapped in limbo and can’t make the commitment, because we don’t know if it’s going to turn into a sunny day, a thunderstorm, or just stay gloomy. When it’s a thunderstorm, there’s loneliness and depression. We think of things we would never think about on a sunny day. What if I get stuck in this thunderstorm forever, and never feel the sun. What if something tragic happened, who would show up and how would they feel. Sometimes the thunderstorm leaves permanent, unseen damage.
The unfortunate part about the weather is, it keeps coming and you never know what it’s going to be or how long you’ll have to wait to have a permanent sunny day. Until then, we take the gloom and the thunderstorms and learn how to find the hidden rays of sun in each.
I’ve had about a year of the most beautiful, life changing sunny days I’ll ever experience, and I will hold on to that until it comes again, as vicious as this thunderstorm is.
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
My Testimony
My Religious History
Faith. Most people think of something religious when this word is mentioned. The only faith I knew of was the faith I have in my 5-iron. If I tried to hit my driver, my next shot would be my third instead of my second. No faith in the driver. In other words, the word faith had no religious meaning to me. I didn't grow up in a Christian home. My parents both attended church as children and made that all-too-common decision at the age of 18 to stop.
My first experience with faith was during high school. I was dating a girl and she was Lutheran. Naturally, I decided to start going to church with her and attend the high school youth group. I ended up going through confirmation classes and getting baptized (some water sprinkled over my head). I went to youth gatherings, did some community service and even auditioned, and got, the part of lead trumpet player for the National Youth Gathering stage band for the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America! Life was good right? I was involved in church and surrounded by believers. That’s all there was to this, right? Be involved, pray, go to church? Faith.
During my freshman year of college, the Lutheran girlfriend and I went our separate ways. I ended up changing my views on being a Lutheran after a class about the Holocaust and Martin Luther's views and writings on Jews. I got rid of religion for a while and focused on getting drunk.
During a party I threw on New Year's Eve of 2001-2002, I threw a party at my parent’s house, behind their back while they were out for the evening. Before my party got too crazy, I left and went to see a girl at a Christian party. Immediately I noticed how much fun they were having playing games and NOT drinking. I went back to my house to find pure chaos and no fun at all. I decided to give church and God another shot. I didn’t need all this to enjoy life. I even created a new AIM screen name (remember when that was popular?): KFC1102 (Kyle For Christ 1/1/2002) ha! I got a new girlfriend. We went to a non-denominational Christian church. It resonated with me. Live music, relevant sermons about sex, money, temptations, and tons of people to meet. That didn’t last too long. I ended up feeling judged, looked down upon and guilty for my past every time I was around these people. Once friends, now my jury. I was over church. They’re all hypocrites and judgers! I’ve got my faith, that’s all that matters.
I took a religious class my (first) senior year at USC. Although the teacher was a believer, what I got out of the class was that a lot of the Bible was "filled with what was common at the time so that people could understand and relate to it." So there were “lies” and carefully crafted stories in the Bible! AHA! And thus I came to the conclusion that I was an atheist! I couldn't believe in something that couldn't be proven to be true. Faith shmaith.
This class, my lack of feeling God’s presence, and the fact that all the Christians I had met and encountered in my life were the most hypocritical and judgmental people I had met had pushed me over the edge. I was done with it. I was going to live the only life I could prove was real; a human life in the now. Who cares what happens when I die?
Over the next four years (and it wasn't until my views began to change that I realized this), when people would mention church, faith, God, Jesus, Bible etc. I would question them. I would try to tear them down and laugh at them. It made me sick. I would seek information to oppose what they believe and support my side, yet whenever they would try to speak I wouldn't listen. I see this now with how my dad views religion as a whole and how our conversations have been, and I'm so saddened that I was ever like that. And I apologize if I was ever like that towards anyone reading this.
However, even with my strong convictions of being an atheist, I was always fascinated with religion. I was always drawn to the cross. Not in the sense that I wanted knowledge or I was possessed, simply that when I saw a cross or crucifix I would just stare at it, and my mind would become blank.
In the first few months of 2010, something motivated me to start to revisit Christ. I flooded my netflix with movies on both sides of the issue; The Atheism Tapes, The Case for Christ, The Case for a Creator, For the Bible Tells Me So, Bloodline, and Collision. Although there were some good points FOR Christ in some of these, my mind was only accepting the points against. I was biased and I only saw what I wanted to see.
Little did I know, all of this was just a big "chess board," if you will, being set up without my knowing and God was getting ready to make the first move.
The Pawn Is Moved
I have no problem talking to people, as my friends can vouch for. However, due to my history of long-term dating, I haven't really learned how to approach the ladies that I'm attracted to. I'm more of an ogling sort of fellow. How was I ever going to meet a girl I was interested in if I never approached one? And before y'all say anything, stop lying to yourselves. We all know that physical attraction is what originally catches our eye, but it's not what keeps people together.
Being a regular at the local "honky-tonk”, I had plenty of new "cowgirls" to choose from. Yes, I know it's considered a "bar" but it's a dance hall to me. So it's nice to know that the people there enjoy the same music and activities as me!
Side note: And it hasn't been a bar to me, considering I just completed FORTY days without one alcoholic beverage! There or anywhere else. WOOT!
One night while I was standing by the fan, taking inventory of the pretty ladies, drenched in sweat, which is an obvious lady-catcher, I spotted my target. I was going to muster up some courage to finally approach someone. I had an interesting dialogue with myself that went something like this:
"Wow. That girl is SUPER cute. You should go ask her to dance."
"Nah, she's with her girlfriends. She's probably just here to line dance."
"You’re such a pansy! So what if she declines your offer to dance, at least she'll know that you're interested."
"OK. But what do I say? How do I just go up to them? Hello laaaaaaaadies... Which one of you wants to dance? Ha! Yeah right."
"NO moron! Just go up to them, and whatever comes out of your mouth, comes out of your mouth. You talk to people all the time unplanned, just go do what you do!"
And the first pawn was moved.
The Game Begins
I approached the table of three ladies, interrupted their (lack of) conversation and ten minutes later I had danced with all three of them. "Wow, that was easy. What the hell have you been waiting for?" During my conversation with them, I noticed they each had a bracelet on. I asked them if they had come from a better club or something, to which they replied with, "No. It's to remind ourselves to pray for friends on a mission trip." DANGER DANGER!
I proceeded to hang out with them, only to find out that all three were Christian, attended the same church, and the one I was interested in went to Biola! RED ALERT! BAIL OUT!
I vaguely remember them asking me if I wanted to go to church with them or if I attend church, to which I replied, "A church would spontaneously catch on fire if I walked in." I think that answered their question.
Of course! I FINALLY gain the nerve to approach someone, and she’s a crazy Christian! BLECH! Well at least now I know I can approach people without getting rejected, so it’s not a complete loss.
However, I liked these three. They were funny and having a good time despite prayer bracelets and no alcohol in sight. I saw them again the next few Fridays. About three weeks after meeting them, I was planning on asking for a phone number, but instead I was gifted an opportunity. The one I was interested in had the Droid telephone and I asked what it was like typing on that touch screen (since I have the supreme iPhone). She opened up a new text message and let me give it a shot. So I came up with the brilliant idea to text message MY phone from HER phone, thus giving me her number whether she wanted to or not. GENIUS!
Side note: She would have given it to me if I asked. My way makes for a better story though.
As it turns out, these three ladies attend the same church that my aunt attends. An aunt who has been telling me for years, "Well Kyle...” as she pauses and shakes her head, “You know what I'm going to say... The place to find a good girl... is in CHURCH" as she drops her fist downward like a gavel, and looks at me with an "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times" expression on her face.
I'm not going to go into the detail of what transpired with this girl, as it is irrelevant to the point, but here are the basics: She and I went on a few dates, hit it off ridiculously well, but had a giant white elephant in the room; our conflicting faiths. We finally shared our personal views on Christianity and reluctantly came to the conclusion that we couldn't continue dating, sharing our feelings for one another, and compromising our beliefs.
Why? Because I was an atheist and she was a Christian. This may not make sense to all, but wouldn't you want someone you're with to share the same interests? Especially when it comes to what you believe about life and how you got here? I can deal with say, a gum obsession, but something that is bigger than that, like being sedentary, is a deal breaker for me. So is having completely opposing views on faith. And for her, it goes against what the Bible says about believers knowingly being with non-believers. So as quickly as our relationship began, it ended; at least in the romantic sense.
I met up with the three girls in a different setting and we discussed why a separation between the two of us needed to happen, and had a brief discussion on faith, as I told them that I was open to hearing their views. What I didn't tell them was that every time they mentioned God, Jesus, Bible, Glorify, etc. my stomach turned and I felt like vomiting. These words drove me nuts and I thought they were all absolutely crazy. As we wrapped up our conversation, they told me I should pray that God reveal himself to me. Nuts I tell you!
However, there was something about the connection I had with this girl, combined with the coincidental timing of my sudden desire to know more about religion and Jesus, and the fact that she went to the same church as my aunt who had been urging me to go, that told me that I couldn't end all communication with this girl. Plus she was still SUPER cute.
A pawn from the other side made his move. I found myself in a struggle. I know how the pieces are supposed to move, but I don't know the science behind it and have no real experience playing! Sure I've played a few games and know my way around the board, but how can I WIN? I needed to become educated.
How Do You Play This Stupid Game?
I couldn't resist my desire to tell this girl how I felt. I acted out by getting completely drunk and being rude to her and flirting with people right in front of her. I thought this whole thing was stupid. I spent multiple nights texting her completely idiotic, repetitive nonsense, berating her beliefs, telling her that I was a great person and that I’d be better to her than any Christian she would meet. I would read what I had sent her the next morning, sober, and shake my head at myself. Why in the world would she come to a drunken fool? Wrong move! Shockingly to me, the only thing I got back from her was patience and self-control. "Yo, God. What the hell? I'm a good guy. I know right from wrong. I help people. Why aren’t you making this work for me?"
I decided that this girl was worth at least revisiting an old acquaintance: God. I will give it a shot, but on my own terms. Not like anything is going to happen anyway, because I have had my time with Him before and look what came of it. I took the girls' advice and prayed that, "God reveal himself to me." I continued watching movies both for and against. But I prayed...to a God I didn't think existed.
I made a good move! I suddenly saw a shift in my thinking. What DO you believe, Kyle? These movies are really good at disarming Christians and refuting the Bible, but they show nothing and what you claim TO believe: evolution. Netflix.com here I come! Search: Darwin. Move to top.
My Darwin movies came and I watched two of them and just couldn't grasp it. So I kept praying, "God please reveal yourself to me."
My pawn was suddenly surrounded and I was trapped.
Starting To Catch On
I realized that Christians surrounded me. The people I hung out with every single week at Cowboy Country were all strong Christians. The three girls I was around now, Christians. My boss, Christian. I was surrounded by believers and had never really noticed. I knew they were, but didn't realize that these were pretty much the only people I was around. And they weren't all that bad.
I kept praying, "God please reveal yourself to me." I began talking to people openly about my "search" and told some that I would pray for them. Again, still praying to a God I didn't think existed. How loony is that? A wise man once told me, "You need to be admitted to a hospital if you're talking to some person or being that doesn't exist." And apparently, these people were praying for me, too.
Then started some "interesting" things.
Without getting into too much detail, again as it's irrelevant as well as unnecessary to post here, I'll explain the basics. If you're interested in hearing more details, you can contact me. On second thought, no, I'll give the details. There’s no point in hiding the truth just to make myself “look good.”
Interesting thing #1.
I was looking for a small end table in the 17,000 square foot showroom where I work. I had taken one pass already when I realized that I said I'd pray for someone, and I hadn't. So I stopped right where I was and prayed for them, ending the prayer with, "Oh! And if you could help me find this table I've been looking for, that would be FAN-TAStic! Amen." As I opened my eyes, my head turned over my left shoulder, in such a way that one would do if they suddenly heard someone following them. My eyes fixated on a leg to a table that was hidden behind a large buffet. I peered around the buffet to find that it was the table I was looking for. I remember saying out loud, "HA! You've GOT to be kidding!" (Some of you may have heard an altered version of this story, and I apologize. For some reason I felt like altering it, thinking I could make it more believable to you. This, however, is the correct version.)
Interesting thing #2.
My store has thousands of Danish books. They're great for decorations and fillers. Virtually none of them are in English, and they're all hardback books. One day I was walking through the store and preparing to send a sexually oriented text message to someone. I can text and walk at the same time, but for some reason I stopped. I looked up from my phone, and stared at a stack of three books while I thought of something to write. After standing there for about five seconds, I put my phone away and decided not to send the message. Still staring at the books, I finally focused in on them to notice that the center book was a soft, leather-bound, English Bible. We do carry Bibles, but not the everyday, take-to-church-with-you Bibles. HUGE six inch thick Bibles. Bibles you NOTICE whether you're focused or not. This was interesting for two reasons. One, where did this English Bible come from and why did I stop and stare at it, and two, that I put my phone away and didn't send the message.
Interesting thing #3.
Background: The "girl" that I keep mentioning is Hungarian and I already mentioned she went to Biola.
I was at a college graduation party for a family friend. In walked a girl fresh out of high school. I was drawn to her from the second she walked in. Not in a sexual/attraction sort of way, just something that kept bringing my eyes back to her. So finally I decided to go sit near her and satisfy my curiosity. As soon as I sat down, she began talking about her faith, and how she was going to be starting at Biola after her missionary trip to Hungary. HA! Of course.
Immediately after this last interesting thing, I talked with a good friend that was there and had an "epiphany" if you will. God was revealing himself to me. I realized then that God gave me the ability to approach that table at Cowboy Country, so He could put someone in my life to show me where the light switch was. He had me develop feelings for her so I could see the good in her and so I would willingly be open to Him. (Because as much as we hate to admit it fellas, women make us do crazy things.) Then He took her away from me emotionally, so I could notice these things instead of having my attention consumed by her.
I was starting to catch on. Now it was time for me to make some good moves myself!
This Game Isn’t So Hard
I was starting to see that all the pieces on the board were there to help me. All my fellow pawns were behind me. So I began using them...
I set up some meetings with friends who I knew were strong in their faith, so I could ask them questions and hear their testimony. As it turns out, Christians struggle with the same thing I struggle with. Who would have thought? As one of them said, "What, you think you're the FIRST person in the world to struggle with that (particular area of weakness)?" Well obviously not, but I didn't think people who were so strong in their faith had issues like mine. I started to see all of my reasons and preconceived beliefs about Christians were really just excuses for me to stay away from it. If I were a Christian, I wouldn't be able to do the things I wanted and I wouldn't be able to live off of MY standards. It was much easier that way. No guilt, except the guilt I put upon myself. No bad feelings, except when I decided when something was bad.
I slowly felt my old thinking and anti-Christian thoughts slipping away. They just didn't make much sense anymore. I continued to pray, not only that God reveal himself to me, but for other things. Only this time I believed He was listening. I started to gain a faith in something other than my 5-iron. That's when interesting things number 4 & 5 came up.
Interesting thing #4 My mom has been unemployed for a few months and my family was, and still is, struggling. She had a very positive interview and she was supposed to hear back from them by Friday. I prayed that she would get the job throughout the week and through the weekend. Well, the following Wednesday rolled around and still no word. On my way to work that Wednesday, I spent fifteen minutes praying specifically for my mom, my family and this job. The timing of it, the necessity of it, how she deserved it and how much it would help my family both in stress relief and happiness. I prayed hard! A few hours later I found out she got the job. It was at this point that a feeling came over me that I can't explain. I was so overcome with joy and happiness. I wanted to yell, “Praise God!!” but I was at work and we had customers. I could refrain from yelling, but I couldn’t refrain from crying tears of joy.
Interesting thing #5. I had also prayed for my boss that week. I prayed that he would show his employees some gratitude for all the work they do, as we've downsized to one-third of the staff in about two years. We've all taken on more work for less pay and instead of giving any praise, we mostly get criticism or questioned like we don't know what we're doing. While I understand his stress levels and his own worries with regards to the company, I know how much a simple, “Thanks” would mean to each of these guys. Guys that have been here for decades! Two days later, a nasty customer came in. She was rude, short, made herself out to be the best customer in the world and walked in right as we were closing. She couldn't get her story straight with what she wanted and was really annoying. She became upset with me because she wasn't getting what she wanted, and as I was trying to explain a store policy to her she proceeded to tell me how terrible I was and how she wasn't coming back. My boss was eavesdropping. He ended up going home, leaving me to deal with this nasty customer in HIS store. I sighed and remained patient even though I wanted to kick her out. She ended up purchasing the piece and I apologized for our "short exchanges and sharp attitudes" and she left on good terms. On my drive home, I got a voicemail from my boss. I expected it to be a lengthy voicemail containing questions like, “Did she buy anything? Did you get proper signature? How did she pay?” As if it was my first day on the job. However, what I got made me smile and showed me God was really working on me. The voicemail said, "Hey Kyle, just wanted to call and congratulate you on dealing with that witch of a lady. You handled it really well. You are to be congratulated and I appreciate the job (you do)." I've been here for seven years and the only other time I recall my boss saying something in that regard was when my parents came in for the first time and he told THEM he liked my work and appreciated me as an employee. That was about four years ago.
Evidence for a faith in God was really stacked in His favor at this point. But I still wasn't quite convinced and ready to make the leap. I couldn't simply "believe" in something. There were still too many mental obstacles in my way. “The heart cannot delight in what the mind rejects.”
I needed to clear out a path, so I could get the pawn to the King. I didn't need to clear out the entire board, just a path.
CHECK!
The pawn is, in most circumstances, the weakest piece in the game of chess. I am weak, but He is strong and loving. He wouldn't let me lose. It is, after all, His game. He cleared the path for me.
He took that SUPER cute girl and physically removed her from my path. She is in Europe for ten weeks. So now I'm not going to church just to see her. I've got a clear path to attend for the right reasons. I've got an open schedule to work on myself. He knows that I'm not in a place where I could commit my full heart to anything and He wants me to get my act together first. He wants me to figure out what I believe and he's giving me the time and space to do it.
With all the pieces falling into place, I now needed something concrete. Something other than a faith in a God. Then came Sunday morning. Church. A special service with a guest speaker. Someone who set out to bash Christianity and prove all this "stuff" they believe WRONG! Someone who thought it was a joke and would laugh at Christians. Someone like me! Someone who, during that process, became... a ... Christian??? Say what?
WHAT TIMING!
Right when I needed something to push me over the edge comes:
-This very well known atheist turned Christian Apologist.
-With a similar story to mine.
-Speaking at the church that started it all for him decades ago.
-At the church that my aunt has been trying to get me to go to for years
-At the church that "SUPER cute girl" goes to.
You've got to be kidding me. Boy, when He works, He works doesn’t He?
And that's not all. This same man wrote a book. Well, he's written many books, but one in particular that I am referring to. After church, a good friend of mine let me borrow this book. I began reading it that Sunday and finished it three days later. A short, yet direct book. A book that I think every church should hand out at the beginning of Sunday mass. The book: More Than A Carpenter by Josh McDowell.
I read this book. I related to this book. The book gave me the proof I was looking for. It gave me the WHY. WHY do you believe in God? WHY do you believe the Bible? WHY do you believe those that wrote the Bible? WHY do you believe in the resurrection? WHY?
The "interesting things," the "coincidences" of this church and meeting these three girls, the Christian friends that were surrounding me, and this book, established more than just a faith, it gave me a factually and emotionally based relationship with Christ. This left me with just one more move to make.
On June 16, 2010, I made the decision to commit my life to Jesus Christ and accept Him as my Lord and Savior.
I was finally standing across from the King. Check!
It turns out that God moved me from that back fan at Cowboy Country to the table with the SUPER cute girl for a reason. It wasn't to meet a girl. It was to meet Him. I have a joy and happiness in my heart that I've never experienced before and I never would have thought possible. I thought I was going to have my old views for the rest of my life. Now I'm a Christian. I have started a relationship with Jesus Christ, and I have a faith like I had never had before. It’s real this time and it’s personal.
Now I find myself standing next to my fellow pawns. The game has been reset. Game on!
Faith. Most people think of something religious when this word is mentioned. The only faith I knew of was the faith I have in my 5-iron. If I tried to hit my driver, my next shot would be my third instead of my second. No faith in the driver. In other words, the word faith had no religious meaning to me. I didn't grow up in a Christian home. My parents both attended church as children and made that all-too-common decision at the age of 18 to stop.
My first experience with faith was during high school. I was dating a girl and she was Lutheran. Naturally, I decided to start going to church with her and attend the high school youth group. I ended up going through confirmation classes and getting baptized (some water sprinkled over my head). I went to youth gatherings, did some community service and even auditioned, and got, the part of lead trumpet player for the National Youth Gathering stage band for the Evangelical Lutheran Church of America! Life was good right? I was involved in church and surrounded by believers. That’s all there was to this, right? Be involved, pray, go to church? Faith.
During my freshman year of college, the Lutheran girlfriend and I went our separate ways. I ended up changing my views on being a Lutheran after a class about the Holocaust and Martin Luther's views and writings on Jews. I got rid of religion for a while and focused on getting drunk.
During a party I threw on New Year's Eve of 2001-2002, I threw a party at my parent’s house, behind their back while they were out for the evening. Before my party got too crazy, I left and went to see a girl at a Christian party. Immediately I noticed how much fun they were having playing games and NOT drinking. I went back to my house to find pure chaos and no fun at all. I decided to give church and God another shot. I didn’t need all this to enjoy life. I even created a new AIM screen name (remember when that was popular?): KFC1102 (Kyle For Christ 1/1/2002) ha! I got a new girlfriend. We went to a non-denominational Christian church. It resonated with me. Live music, relevant sermons about sex, money, temptations, and tons of people to meet. That didn’t last too long. I ended up feeling judged, looked down upon and guilty for my past every time I was around these people. Once friends, now my jury. I was over church. They’re all hypocrites and judgers! I’ve got my faith, that’s all that matters.
I took a religious class my (first) senior year at USC. Although the teacher was a believer, what I got out of the class was that a lot of the Bible was "filled with what was common at the time so that people could understand and relate to it." So there were “lies” and carefully crafted stories in the Bible! AHA! And thus I came to the conclusion that I was an atheist! I couldn't believe in something that couldn't be proven to be true. Faith shmaith.
This class, my lack of feeling God’s presence, and the fact that all the Christians I had met and encountered in my life were the most hypocritical and judgmental people I had met had pushed me over the edge. I was done with it. I was going to live the only life I could prove was real; a human life in the now. Who cares what happens when I die?
Over the next four years (and it wasn't until my views began to change that I realized this), when people would mention church, faith, God, Jesus, Bible etc. I would question them. I would try to tear them down and laugh at them. It made me sick. I would seek information to oppose what they believe and support my side, yet whenever they would try to speak I wouldn't listen. I see this now with how my dad views religion as a whole and how our conversations have been, and I'm so saddened that I was ever like that. And I apologize if I was ever like that towards anyone reading this.
However, even with my strong convictions of being an atheist, I was always fascinated with religion. I was always drawn to the cross. Not in the sense that I wanted knowledge or I was possessed, simply that when I saw a cross or crucifix I would just stare at it, and my mind would become blank.
In the first few months of 2010, something motivated me to start to revisit Christ. I flooded my netflix with movies on both sides of the issue; The Atheism Tapes, The Case for Christ, The Case for a Creator, For the Bible Tells Me So, Bloodline, and Collision. Although there were some good points FOR Christ in some of these, my mind was only accepting the points against. I was biased and I only saw what I wanted to see.
Little did I know, all of this was just a big "chess board," if you will, being set up without my knowing and God was getting ready to make the first move.
The Pawn Is Moved
I have no problem talking to people, as my friends can vouch for. However, due to my history of long-term dating, I haven't really learned how to approach the ladies that I'm attracted to. I'm more of an ogling sort of fellow. How was I ever going to meet a girl I was interested in if I never approached one? And before y'all say anything, stop lying to yourselves. We all know that physical attraction is what originally catches our eye, but it's not what keeps people together.
Being a regular at the local "honky-tonk”, I had plenty of new "cowgirls" to choose from. Yes, I know it's considered a "bar" but it's a dance hall to me. So it's nice to know that the people there enjoy the same music and activities as me!
Side note: And it hasn't been a bar to me, considering I just completed FORTY days without one alcoholic beverage! There or anywhere else. WOOT!
One night while I was standing by the fan, taking inventory of the pretty ladies, drenched in sweat, which is an obvious lady-catcher, I spotted my target. I was going to muster up some courage to finally approach someone. I had an interesting dialogue with myself that went something like this:
"Wow. That girl is SUPER cute. You should go ask her to dance."
"Nah, she's with her girlfriends. She's probably just here to line dance."
"You’re such a pansy! So what if she declines your offer to dance, at least she'll know that you're interested."
"OK. But what do I say? How do I just go up to them? Hello laaaaaaaadies... Which one of you wants to dance? Ha! Yeah right."
"NO moron! Just go up to them, and whatever comes out of your mouth, comes out of your mouth. You talk to people all the time unplanned, just go do what you do!"
And the first pawn was moved.
The Game Begins
I approached the table of three ladies, interrupted their (lack of) conversation and ten minutes later I had danced with all three of them. "Wow, that was easy. What the hell have you been waiting for?" During my conversation with them, I noticed they each had a bracelet on. I asked them if they had come from a better club or something, to which they replied with, "No. It's to remind ourselves to pray for friends on a mission trip." DANGER DANGER!
I proceeded to hang out with them, only to find out that all three were Christian, attended the same church, and the one I was interested in went to Biola! RED ALERT! BAIL OUT!
I vaguely remember them asking me if I wanted to go to church with them or if I attend church, to which I replied, "A church would spontaneously catch on fire if I walked in." I think that answered their question.
Of course! I FINALLY gain the nerve to approach someone, and she’s a crazy Christian! BLECH! Well at least now I know I can approach people without getting rejected, so it’s not a complete loss.
However, I liked these three. They were funny and having a good time despite prayer bracelets and no alcohol in sight. I saw them again the next few Fridays. About three weeks after meeting them, I was planning on asking for a phone number, but instead I was gifted an opportunity. The one I was interested in had the Droid telephone and I asked what it was like typing on that touch screen (since I have the supreme iPhone). She opened up a new text message and let me give it a shot. So I came up with the brilliant idea to text message MY phone from HER phone, thus giving me her number whether she wanted to or not. GENIUS!
Side note: She would have given it to me if I asked. My way makes for a better story though.
As it turns out, these three ladies attend the same church that my aunt attends. An aunt who has been telling me for years, "Well Kyle...” as she pauses and shakes her head, “You know what I'm going to say... The place to find a good girl... is in CHURCH" as she drops her fist downward like a gavel, and looks at me with an "If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times" expression on her face.
I'm not going to go into the detail of what transpired with this girl, as it is irrelevant to the point, but here are the basics: She and I went on a few dates, hit it off ridiculously well, but had a giant white elephant in the room; our conflicting faiths. We finally shared our personal views on Christianity and reluctantly came to the conclusion that we couldn't continue dating, sharing our feelings for one another, and compromising our beliefs.
Why? Because I was an atheist and she was a Christian. This may not make sense to all, but wouldn't you want someone you're with to share the same interests? Especially when it comes to what you believe about life and how you got here? I can deal with say, a gum obsession, but something that is bigger than that, like being sedentary, is a deal breaker for me. So is having completely opposing views on faith. And for her, it goes against what the Bible says about believers knowingly being with non-believers. So as quickly as our relationship began, it ended; at least in the romantic sense.
I met up with the three girls in a different setting and we discussed why a separation between the two of us needed to happen, and had a brief discussion on faith, as I told them that I was open to hearing their views. What I didn't tell them was that every time they mentioned God, Jesus, Bible, Glorify, etc. my stomach turned and I felt like vomiting. These words drove me nuts and I thought they were all absolutely crazy. As we wrapped up our conversation, they told me I should pray that God reveal himself to me. Nuts I tell you!
However, there was something about the connection I had with this girl, combined with the coincidental timing of my sudden desire to know more about religion and Jesus, and the fact that she went to the same church as my aunt who had been urging me to go, that told me that I couldn't end all communication with this girl. Plus she was still SUPER cute.
A pawn from the other side made his move. I found myself in a struggle. I know how the pieces are supposed to move, but I don't know the science behind it and have no real experience playing! Sure I've played a few games and know my way around the board, but how can I WIN? I needed to become educated.
How Do You Play This Stupid Game?
I couldn't resist my desire to tell this girl how I felt. I acted out by getting completely drunk and being rude to her and flirting with people right in front of her. I thought this whole thing was stupid. I spent multiple nights texting her completely idiotic, repetitive nonsense, berating her beliefs, telling her that I was a great person and that I’d be better to her than any Christian she would meet. I would read what I had sent her the next morning, sober, and shake my head at myself. Why in the world would she come to a drunken fool? Wrong move! Shockingly to me, the only thing I got back from her was patience and self-control. "Yo, God. What the hell? I'm a good guy. I know right from wrong. I help people. Why aren’t you making this work for me?"
I decided that this girl was worth at least revisiting an old acquaintance: God. I will give it a shot, but on my own terms. Not like anything is going to happen anyway, because I have had my time with Him before and look what came of it. I took the girls' advice and prayed that, "God reveal himself to me." I continued watching movies both for and against. But I prayed...to a God I didn't think existed.
I made a good move! I suddenly saw a shift in my thinking. What DO you believe, Kyle? These movies are really good at disarming Christians and refuting the Bible, but they show nothing and what you claim TO believe: evolution. Netflix.com here I come! Search: Darwin. Move to top.
In the few days it took to receive the movies, I decided to write a poem. (Removed) How therapeutic! It removed me from the fantasy of what I wanted, and put me in the reality of the present. I shared the poem with my boss, who is a Christian. He came down and talked to me briefly and said something that resonated, "Evolution and Creationism BOTH take faith." Huh. So true.
My Darwin movies came and I watched two of them and just couldn't grasp it. So I kept praying, "God please reveal yourself to me."
My pawn was suddenly surrounded and I was trapped.
Starting To Catch On
I realized that Christians surrounded me. The people I hung out with every single week at Cowboy Country were all strong Christians. The three girls I was around now, Christians. My boss, Christian. I was surrounded by believers and had never really noticed. I knew they were, but didn't realize that these were pretty much the only people I was around. And they weren't all that bad.
I kept praying, "God please reveal yourself to me." I began talking to people openly about my "search" and told some that I would pray for them. Again, still praying to a God I didn't think existed. How loony is that? A wise man once told me, "You need to be admitted to a hospital if you're talking to some person or being that doesn't exist." And apparently, these people were praying for me, too.
Then started some "interesting" things.
Without getting into too much detail, again as it's irrelevant as well as unnecessary to post here, I'll explain the basics. If you're interested in hearing more details, you can contact me. On second thought, no, I'll give the details. There’s no point in hiding the truth just to make myself “look good.”
Interesting thing #1.
I was looking for a small end table in the 17,000 square foot showroom where I work. I had taken one pass already when I realized that I said I'd pray for someone, and I hadn't. So I stopped right where I was and prayed for them, ending the prayer with, "Oh! And if you could help me find this table I've been looking for, that would be FAN-TAStic! Amen." As I opened my eyes, my head turned over my left shoulder, in such a way that one would do if they suddenly heard someone following them. My eyes fixated on a leg to a table that was hidden behind a large buffet. I peered around the buffet to find that it was the table I was looking for. I remember saying out loud, "HA! You've GOT to be kidding!" (Some of you may have heard an altered version of this story, and I apologize. For some reason I felt like altering it, thinking I could make it more believable to you. This, however, is the correct version.)
Interesting thing #2.
My store has thousands of Danish books. They're great for decorations and fillers. Virtually none of them are in English, and they're all hardback books. One day I was walking through the store and preparing to send a sexually oriented text message to someone. I can text and walk at the same time, but for some reason I stopped. I looked up from my phone, and stared at a stack of three books while I thought of something to write. After standing there for about five seconds, I put my phone away and decided not to send the message. Still staring at the books, I finally focused in on them to notice that the center book was a soft, leather-bound, English Bible. We do carry Bibles, but not the everyday, take-to-church-with-you Bibles. HUGE six inch thick Bibles. Bibles you NOTICE whether you're focused or not. This was interesting for two reasons. One, where did this English Bible come from and why did I stop and stare at it, and two, that I put my phone away and didn't send the message.
Interesting thing #3.
Background: The "girl" that I keep mentioning is Hungarian and I already mentioned she went to Biola.
I was at a college graduation party for a family friend. In walked a girl fresh out of high school. I was drawn to her from the second she walked in. Not in a sexual/attraction sort of way, just something that kept bringing my eyes back to her. So finally I decided to go sit near her and satisfy my curiosity. As soon as I sat down, she began talking about her faith, and how she was going to be starting at Biola after her missionary trip to Hungary. HA! Of course.
Immediately after this last interesting thing, I talked with a good friend that was there and had an "epiphany" if you will. God was revealing himself to me. I realized then that God gave me the ability to approach that table at Cowboy Country, so He could put someone in my life to show me where the light switch was. He had me develop feelings for her so I could see the good in her and so I would willingly be open to Him. (Because as much as we hate to admit it fellas, women make us do crazy things.) Then He took her away from me emotionally, so I could notice these things instead of having my attention consumed by her.
I was starting to catch on. Now it was time for me to make some good moves myself!
This Game Isn’t So Hard
I was starting to see that all the pieces on the board were there to help me. All my fellow pawns were behind me. So I began using them...
I set up some meetings with friends who I knew were strong in their faith, so I could ask them questions and hear their testimony. As it turns out, Christians struggle with the same thing I struggle with. Who would have thought? As one of them said, "What, you think you're the FIRST person in the world to struggle with that (particular area of weakness)?" Well obviously not, but I didn't think people who were so strong in their faith had issues like mine. I started to see all of my reasons and preconceived beliefs about Christians were really just excuses for me to stay away from it. If I were a Christian, I wouldn't be able to do the things I wanted and I wouldn't be able to live off of MY standards. It was much easier that way. No guilt, except the guilt I put upon myself. No bad feelings, except when I decided when something was bad.
I slowly felt my old thinking and anti-Christian thoughts slipping away. They just didn't make much sense anymore. I continued to pray, not only that God reveal himself to me, but for other things. Only this time I believed He was listening. I started to gain a faith in something other than my 5-iron. That's when interesting things number 4 & 5 came up.
Interesting thing #4 My mom has been unemployed for a few months and my family was, and still is, struggling. She had a very positive interview and she was supposed to hear back from them by Friday. I prayed that she would get the job throughout the week and through the weekend. Well, the following Wednesday rolled around and still no word. On my way to work that Wednesday, I spent fifteen minutes praying specifically for my mom, my family and this job. The timing of it, the necessity of it, how she deserved it and how much it would help my family both in stress relief and happiness. I prayed hard! A few hours later I found out she got the job. It was at this point that a feeling came over me that I can't explain. I was so overcome with joy and happiness. I wanted to yell, “Praise God!!” but I was at work and we had customers. I could refrain from yelling, but I couldn’t refrain from crying tears of joy.
Interesting thing #5. I had also prayed for my boss that week. I prayed that he would show his employees some gratitude for all the work they do, as we've downsized to one-third of the staff in about two years. We've all taken on more work for less pay and instead of giving any praise, we mostly get criticism or questioned like we don't know what we're doing. While I understand his stress levels and his own worries with regards to the company, I know how much a simple, “Thanks” would mean to each of these guys. Guys that have been here for decades! Two days later, a nasty customer came in. She was rude, short, made herself out to be the best customer in the world and walked in right as we were closing. She couldn't get her story straight with what she wanted and was really annoying. She became upset with me because she wasn't getting what she wanted, and as I was trying to explain a store policy to her she proceeded to tell me how terrible I was and how she wasn't coming back. My boss was eavesdropping. He ended up going home, leaving me to deal with this nasty customer in HIS store. I sighed and remained patient even though I wanted to kick her out. She ended up purchasing the piece and I apologized for our "short exchanges and sharp attitudes" and she left on good terms. On my drive home, I got a voicemail from my boss. I expected it to be a lengthy voicemail containing questions like, “Did she buy anything? Did you get proper signature? How did she pay?” As if it was my first day on the job. However, what I got made me smile and showed me God was really working on me. The voicemail said, "Hey Kyle, just wanted to call and congratulate you on dealing with that witch of a lady. You handled it really well. You are to be congratulated and I appreciate the job (you do)." I've been here for seven years and the only other time I recall my boss saying something in that regard was when my parents came in for the first time and he told THEM he liked my work and appreciated me as an employee. That was about four years ago.
Evidence for a faith in God was really stacked in His favor at this point. But I still wasn't quite convinced and ready to make the leap. I couldn't simply "believe" in something. There were still too many mental obstacles in my way. “The heart cannot delight in what the mind rejects.”
I needed to clear out a path, so I could get the pawn to the King. I didn't need to clear out the entire board, just a path.
CHECK!
The pawn is, in most circumstances, the weakest piece in the game of chess. I am weak, but He is strong and loving. He wouldn't let me lose. It is, after all, His game. He cleared the path for me.
He took that SUPER cute girl and physically removed her from my path. She is in Europe for ten weeks. So now I'm not going to church just to see her. I've got a clear path to attend for the right reasons. I've got an open schedule to work on myself. He knows that I'm not in a place where I could commit my full heart to anything and He wants me to get my act together first. He wants me to figure out what I believe and he's giving me the time and space to do it.
With all the pieces falling into place, I now needed something concrete. Something other than a faith in a God. Then came Sunday morning. Church. A special service with a guest speaker. Someone who set out to bash Christianity and prove all this "stuff" they believe WRONG! Someone who thought it was a joke and would laugh at Christians. Someone like me! Someone who, during that process, became... a ... Christian??? Say what?
WHAT TIMING!
Right when I needed something to push me over the edge comes:
-This very well known atheist turned Christian Apologist.
-With a similar story to mine.
-Speaking at the church that started it all for him decades ago.
-At the church that my aunt has been trying to get me to go to for years
-At the church that "SUPER cute girl" goes to.
You've got to be kidding me. Boy, when He works, He works doesn’t He?
And that's not all. This same man wrote a book. Well, he's written many books, but one in particular that I am referring to. After church, a good friend of mine let me borrow this book. I began reading it that Sunday and finished it three days later. A short, yet direct book. A book that I think every church should hand out at the beginning of Sunday mass. The book: More Than A Carpenter by Josh McDowell.
I read this book. I related to this book. The book gave me the proof I was looking for. It gave me the WHY. WHY do you believe in God? WHY do you believe the Bible? WHY do you believe those that wrote the Bible? WHY do you believe in the resurrection? WHY?
The "interesting things," the "coincidences" of this church and meeting these three girls, the Christian friends that were surrounding me, and this book, established more than just a faith, it gave me a factually and emotionally based relationship with Christ. This left me with just one more move to make.
On June 16, 2010, I made the decision to commit my life to Jesus Christ and accept Him as my Lord and Savior.
I was finally standing across from the King. Check!
It turns out that God moved me from that back fan at Cowboy Country to the table with the SUPER cute girl for a reason. It wasn't to meet a girl. It was to meet Him. I have a joy and happiness in my heart that I've never experienced before and I never would have thought possible. I thought I was going to have my old views for the rest of my life. Now I'm a Christian. I have started a relationship with Jesus Christ, and I have a faith like I had never had before. It’s real this time and it’s personal.
Now I find myself standing next to my fellow pawns. The game has been reset. Game on!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
It's good to be back!
Why hello again! It's been a while. Feels good to be back. I'm still shocked at the number of people that say they read my blog. I seriously just thought it was only my family and a few friends, (which gave them an opportunity to know what was going on with my life without actually having to have any sort of personal connection to me anymore), but lately they've had to rely on facebook.
Just FYI to all of you out there reading this, this is my official announcement that I will no longer be posting EVERYTHING I do on Twitter/Facebook/Blog. I will post of course, just not everything ;) If you want to know what's going on with me, you'll just have to ask. :) I'm doing this partly because I don't feel the need for the attention anymore, partly because I wan't my friends and family to be friends instead of just knowing what's going on in my life, and partly because I want to start devoting more time to myself in advancing in my faith and career.
Don't take this as me blaming you for anything, as I know I'm guilty of not seeking updates from you too, I just am getting kind of tired of people reading what I post and conversing with people OTHER than myself about what I post and then creating stories, conclusions and speculations based off of their interpretation, especially when there isn't even anyone that close to me that I share everything with that could verify or deny anything.
That being said, I'm going to be posting blog updates forr the reasons behind my facebook status updates as they pertain to religion and christianity. As some of you already know, I've been searching my heart lately, and I've come to some interesting conclusions. I'm not sure yet if I'll be able to post the FULL testimony in one post or if it's going to be broken up (as the only computer I have right now is my work computer and I DOOOO have to work). Stay tuned...
Just FYI to all of you out there reading this, this is my official announcement that I will no longer be posting EVERYTHING I do on Twitter/Facebook/Blog. I will post of course, just not everything ;) If you want to know what's going on with me, you'll just have to ask. :) I'm doing this partly because I don't feel the need for the attention anymore, partly because I wan't my friends and family to be friends instead of just knowing what's going on in my life, and partly because I want to start devoting more time to myself in advancing in my faith and career.
Don't take this as me blaming you for anything, as I know I'm guilty of not seeking updates from you too, I just am getting kind of tired of people reading what I post and conversing with people OTHER than myself about what I post and then creating stories, conclusions and speculations based off of their interpretation, especially when there isn't even anyone that close to me that I share everything with that could verify or deny anything.
That being said, I'm going to be posting blog updates forr the reasons behind my facebook status updates as they pertain to religion and christianity. As some of you already know, I've been searching my heart lately, and I've come to some interesting conclusions. I'm not sure yet if I'll be able to post the FULL testimony in one post or if it's going to be broken up (as the only computer I have right now is my work computer and I DOOOO have to work). Stay tuned...
Saturday, June 5, 2010
My first poem
I know it's been a REALLY long time since I've posted anything. There has been quite a few requests, which is odd, for me to get back on it! Don't get me wrong, there is PLENTY I have wanted to post about, just little conflicts both internally and externally that have kept me away from it. Oh and my home computer is broken, but that's only been the last week. Anyways, to kick this off, I'm posting a poem I wrote. Yes its a rhyming one, but that's what I felt like writing so deal with it! Oh boy...I anticipate a lot of explanation will need to occur after this!
An earnest act brings two together
Set before them unpleasant weather.
Hearts submerged in hope dilate
Growing closer, connection, fate.
Storm clouds filled with selfishness
Strike them both with what-ifs.
Chaotic confusion shakes the soil
Worlds divide with unsought turmoil.
A woman of faith, strong with desire
For a boy with none but the same deep fire.
He runs towards tranquility
Searching his soul for sanctity.
Above the blinding bewilderment
Awaits a love that’s legitimate.
The future of these two on hold
While the way, the truth, the life unfolds.
Friday, February 12, 2010
2.12.10
Day 42. I woke up today excited for dinner. A great restuarant with flavorful food! The Melting Pot!
I'd have to get through work though, obviously, before I could get to dinner. Work was actually rather busy, as we are preparing for a sale, so it went by in a flash! I like sales. It makes the days go by faster and makes for a lot of work! Plus it's fun to see all the regular customers that haven't been in for a while, and try to remember their names. One customer, an SC alumnus, came in and we got to talking about about my going back to school. He sounded optimistic that he could easily get me some intern hours with some graduates and professors of the USC school of PT. Awesome! I definitely need to at least get some of those hours in, as I need at least 40 hours to even apply, and it would let me take a peek into that life to see if I even want to do it! I'm going to work on this for the next week or so!
I also signed up for a golf tournament for the 21st. It's three nine-hole matches at SCGA in Murrieta. I'm kind of excited!
After work, I headed to the restaurant. It wasn't a date just so you all know. It was a "finder's fee" for finding my wallet on Mt. Baldy. We started with a fiesta cheese fondue (spicy!) then a salad. After this was the main course; two lobster tails, steak, chicken, sun dried tomato ravioli, bratwurst and shrimp! Mmmmm! SEE HERE! Although the last few bites took a while to get down because we were full, we did finish it all. Proof! And we still had dessert coming. Oof! Dessert was awesome though. A white chocolate, caramel banana fondue with marshmallows, strawberries, cheesecake, rice crispy treats etc. to dip! The fondue was set on fire and the waitress brought us graham crackers and told us to roast the marshmallows and make smores! SO good! But definitely OVER-STUFFED!
After dinner we decided to go from Irvine to Hermosa to watch a friend play some reggae at Saint Rocke. That's a pretty nice little joint to see some live music! I recommend it!
After they finished their set, we decided to head home. Pretty fun little night. Well outside my budget, but I definitely owed her because she saved me BIG TIME! I'll just have to be uber conservative for a while, which I was planning on doing anyway! Oh and yes, I'm STILL FULL!
Until tomorrow, there's day 42 of 365.
I'd have to get through work though, obviously, before I could get to dinner. Work was actually rather busy, as we are preparing for a sale, so it went by in a flash! I like sales. It makes the days go by faster and makes for a lot of work! Plus it's fun to see all the regular customers that haven't been in for a while, and try to remember their names. One customer, an SC alumnus, came in and we got to talking about about my going back to school. He sounded optimistic that he could easily get me some intern hours with some graduates and professors of the USC school of PT. Awesome! I definitely need to at least get some of those hours in, as I need at least 40 hours to even apply, and it would let me take a peek into that life to see if I even want to do it! I'm going to work on this for the next week or so!
I also signed up for a golf tournament for the 21st. It's three nine-hole matches at SCGA in Murrieta. I'm kind of excited!
After work, I headed to the restaurant. It wasn't a date just so you all know. It was a "finder's fee" for finding my wallet on Mt. Baldy. We started with a fiesta cheese fondue (spicy!) then a salad. After this was the main course; two lobster tails, steak, chicken, sun dried tomato ravioli, bratwurst and shrimp! Mmmmm! SEE HERE! Although the last few bites took a while to get down because we were full, we did finish it all. Proof! And we still had dessert coming. Oof! Dessert was awesome though. A white chocolate, caramel banana fondue with marshmallows, strawberries, cheesecake, rice crispy treats etc. to dip! The fondue was set on fire and the waitress brought us graham crackers and told us to roast the marshmallows and make smores! SO good! But definitely OVER-STUFFED!
After dinner we decided to go from Irvine to Hermosa to watch a friend play some reggae at Saint Rocke. That's a pretty nice little joint to see some live music! I recommend it!
After they finished their set, we decided to head home. Pretty fun little night. Well outside my budget, but I definitely owed her because she saved me BIG TIME! I'll just have to be uber conservative for a while, which I was planning on doing anyway! Oh and yes, I'm STILL FULL!
Until tomorrow, there's day 42 of 365.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
1.27.10 - 2.9.10 & 2.10.10
Wow. How quickly fourteen days can go by. It's actually rather scary how I've thought about this blog multiple times every single day for fourteen days, without one real solid effort to actually post something. It makes me think about so many things that I tend to simply think about, but never actually do, and the next thing I know, BAM, fifteen days has passed and I'm trying to play catch up. Well there really isn't a point in playing catch up for this blog in particular, so I'll leave days 27 through 40 blank, and refer to them as a "Dead Motivation Period" as I'm sure I'll encounter it again at some point. Sad.
What actually happened that kept me from writing for FOURTEEN STRAIGHT DAYS? Absolutely nothing. I wasn't in jail. I wasn't paralyzed. There has been no emergencies. No hookers and/or blow. Nothing. Why didn't I do it then, if there was nothing preventing it from happening? Hmmm. A question that I think I need to remember! Scratch that. A question I KNOW I need to remember AND ask myself on a daily basis. I'm going to BOLD it!
WHY DIDN'T I DO IT? (And, should there still be time, why aren't I doing it now?)
We'll see how well I remember this. Meh. Who am I kidding? I know I'll remember it. The real issue is what I do when I don't have an answer to it and to not create an excuse. Gosh. Excuses seem to rule such a high percentage of life. And I'm not just talking about me. I think we're all guilty. A TV show. Dinner with a friend. I made dinner and watched a movie and just simply lost track of time. Sure some things may actually keep me from doing things, but not for fourteen straight days. Stop putting such simple things off, Kyle. Gosh I hate that guy!
Sigh. Seems like today's blog will be brought to you by the word: Random. And the number: 14.
Just to share, here is some of the stuff I remember (at the moment) from the last two weeks:
o Fundraiser for my friend Tina for LLS @ The House of Blues where Steel Panther performed (4 separate links there - two songs and you definitely need to listen to the lyrics! haha)
o Snowboarding at Bear mountain with Jim
o Golfing with my club for the first time in about six months (and losing my match on the 17th hole) aka first Saturday off since Thanksgiving.
o I didn't stick to my $10/day budget AT ALL!
o I got an early birthday present of Carrie Underwood tickets!! Thanks Marissa!
o I created a new budget tracking sheet for February to stay on top of my finances on a daily basis and see how and where I'm wasting my money
o I didn't get any further on my grad school decision
o Jim and I decided we're going to repaint the living room, cover the couches, and go in on a flat screen so the living room looks nice. (don't you dare bring up the budget. Flat screens are priorities! And so is coming home to a nice home.)
o I only went to Cowboy Country twice.
o I drank too much.
o I ate lots of leftovers
o My body seems to have... lost it's love for milk, and I'm still trying to work on that. I don't think I needed to share that. Just wanted to throw in a little "disgust" to go with the "humor" and the "sad" and the "happy."
That pretty much sums everything up for today and the past two weeks. I apologize to all my "loyal followers" (haha) for making you wait two weeks. Until tomorrow, there's day 41 of 365.
Maybe I'll start taking a picture of myself every day, too. Same pose and place and see how I change! HA!
What actually happened that kept me from writing for FOURTEEN STRAIGHT DAYS? Absolutely nothing. I wasn't in jail. I wasn't paralyzed. There has been no emergencies. No hookers and/or blow. Nothing. Why didn't I do it then, if there was nothing preventing it from happening? Hmmm. A question that I think I need to remember! Scratch that. A question I KNOW I need to remember AND ask myself on a daily basis. I'm going to BOLD it!
WHY DIDN'T I DO IT? (And, should there still be time, why aren't I doing it now?)
We'll see how well I remember this. Meh. Who am I kidding? I know I'll remember it. The real issue is what I do when I don't have an answer to it and to not create an excuse. Gosh. Excuses seem to rule such a high percentage of life. And I'm not just talking about me. I think we're all guilty. A TV show. Dinner with a friend. I made dinner and watched a movie and just simply lost track of time. Sure some things may actually keep me from doing things, but not for fourteen straight days. Stop putting such simple things off, Kyle. Gosh I hate that guy!
Sigh. Seems like today's blog will be brought to you by the word: Random. And the number: 14.
Just to share, here is some of the stuff I remember (at the moment) from the last two weeks:
o Fundraiser for my friend Tina for LLS @ The House of Blues where Steel Panther performed (4 separate links there - two songs and you definitely need to listen to the lyrics! haha)
o Snowboarding at Bear mountain with Jim
o Golfing with my club for the first time in about six months (and losing my match on the 17th hole) aka first Saturday off since Thanksgiving.
o I didn't stick to my $10/day budget AT ALL!
o I got an early birthday present of Carrie Underwood tickets!! Thanks Marissa!
o I created a new budget tracking sheet for February to stay on top of my finances on a daily basis and see how and where I'm wasting my money
o I didn't get any further on my grad school decision
o Jim and I decided we're going to repaint the living room, cover the couches, and go in on a flat screen so the living room looks nice. (don't you dare bring up the budget. Flat screens are priorities! And so is coming home to a nice home.)
o I only went to Cowboy Country twice.
o I drank too much.
o I ate lots of leftovers
o My body seems to have... lost it's love for milk, and I'm still trying to work on that. I don't think I needed to share that. Just wanted to throw in a little "disgust" to go with the "humor" and the "sad" and the "happy."
That pretty much sums everything up for today and the past two weeks. I apologize to all my "loyal followers" (haha) for making you wait two weeks. Until tomorrow, there's day 41 of 365.
Maybe I'll start taking a picture of myself every day, too. Same pose and place and see how I change! HA!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
1.26.10
Today was meh! Woke up for my "Monday" at work. What's worse is that I had to sit at the IRS office for another hour, just to hand the Asian lady my paper and hear her chastise me for owing money, with just cause, even though I couldn't understand a word she was saying and I didn't have the time.
The only real excitement was the fact that I bought my STAGECOACH FESTIVAL tickets!!! So excited for it. Also bought a camping spot. Anyone else that is going, hit me up! We got 300 square feet and we can cram as many people as possible into that spot! It's a good party, and anyone that knows me knows what an "epic" night I had last year! No repeats will be had this year, but good times will occur!
After work, I headed home to make dinner for my dad and me, which was nice. I attempted Dijon and Parmesean crusted chicken breast, with corn and creamed spinach. It wasn't bad. Pictures on facebook of my cooking. We also watch Valkyrie. How did I not know of this attempted assassination of Hitler? Must have been asleep.
After the movie, my dad left for work at The Happiest Place on Earth! and I watched American Idol and House! This was pretty much it today. Zzzz. Time for bed now. Until tomorrow, there's day 26 of 365!
(are there actually 365 days this year?)
The only real excitement was the fact that I bought my STAGECOACH FESTIVAL tickets!!! So excited for it. Also bought a camping spot. Anyone else that is going, hit me up! We got 300 square feet and we can cram as many people as possible into that spot! It's a good party, and anyone that knows me knows what an "epic" night I had last year! No repeats will be had this year, but good times will occur!
After work, I headed home to make dinner for my dad and me, which was nice. I attempted Dijon and Parmesean crusted chicken breast, with corn and creamed spinach. It wasn't bad. Pictures on facebook of my cooking. We also watch Valkyrie. How did I not know of this attempted assassination of Hitler? Must have been asleep.
After the movie, my dad left for work at The Happiest Place on Earth! and I watched American Idol and House! This was pretty much it today. Zzzz. Time for bed now. Until tomorrow, there's day 26 of 365!
(are there actually 365 days this year?)
1.25.10
While I woke up super excited today, I was still moving pretty slowly. Even though I was going snowboarding, there's only two things that get me up from bed quickly and one of those things is golf. Don't worry about the other ;). After getting all my things loaded up, I headed to Mt. Baldy, skipping the stop at the bank to put some money in.
Last night, a friend of mine said she and two of her friends were going to be at Baldy today too, so I figured I'd meet up with them at some point on the mountain. While nice to have some company, I was going to be snowboarding regardless of whether or not I was alone. After all, it's been three years since I last strapped in and this was one of the biggest snow dumps SoCal has seen in years. I wasn't going to miss it!
After driving up to the parking lot twice - once not knowing I needed a special pass since my puny two-wheel drive wasn't allowed into the parking lot, which required me to drive back down ten minutes, then back up - I got to the lift ticket line, $10 off coupon in hand. This was probably my only real complaint of the day; the line for tickets took FOR-EV-ER!
Ticket attached, I headed straight to the top, wondering if I'd remember how to do this and how many times I'd look like an idiot. Fortunately, after a few cuts, things started to come back and I got back into it in no time. It was a perfect day! Sunny, warm and not very crowded. I was glad I wore a T-shirt and light windbreaker, because I was getting hot! In fact, there was a "dude" wearing shorts and a tank top skiing around! I got a few runs in, then decided to look around for my friends. As I was looking around I heard, "Hi Kyle!" from the chair lift up from the ticket line. What timing!
The three girls, Kacie, Breanne and Laura, got off the chair lift as I took pictures of them falling. The four of us took a couple runs then stopped at the bar for some beer and food! This is where the fun began!
After drinking a few beers, we decided to get back out and do a few more runs before it got too cold and started closing. By now, the clouds were creeping in. Kacie and I were standing outside waiting for the other two girls, when she started complaining that her brand new DC boots were already missing a decal. This is when she told me something along the lines of, "That little logo missing is like fate. I have something to tell you, but I'll wait till the end of the day. But you're going to adore me forever." After a few minutes of me pestering her to just tell me now and that they'd probably leave or get separated so she should just save the drama and tell me, I gave up and we all started off down the hill.
After the first run, Breanne and I decided to go up, while Kacie and Laura decided to call it quits. Coming down the very first run, Breanne and I got separated, so I did about four more runs on my own.
It was getting cold and looking like rain, so I headed down to my car. Upon arrival of my car, I noticed I was missing something. My wallet. I F-R-E-A-K-E-D! I immediately grabbed my board, went up to the ticket office and asked them to call up to the bar and see if they found it. They didn't. :( I nearly cried. I had my entire paycheck in there! As I was filling out my information, in case it was turned in, the "dude" with the shorts and tank top, who was standing there listening, said, "Hey. What'd you lose?" I explained and this was the next few exchanges:
"Where's the blonde that was next to you?"
"We got separated, why?"
"She didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what? WAIT! She told me that she had something to tell me, but she was going to make me wait, and that I'd adore her forever. Does she have my wallet?"
"She really didn't tell you? What a bitch!"
(Nodding in agreeance) "Seriously!? That would make sense!"
"I saw her pick it up, and asked her how much was inside so we could split it. She said it was her ex-boyfriends and that she had to give it to him. So how much was in there anyway?"
"Well over $1,000!"
"WHAT?!!? She screwed ME too!"
(awkward laugh by me) I thanked him for telling me, so I didn't have to cry the entire way home.
I headed back to my car, both relieved and thinking about how I'd act when I saw Kacie next. While changing, Laura came up to me asking where Breanne was. I thought she was joking at first, and was really coming to give me my wallet, but she wasn't. I headed up to their car to get my wallet, and found Kacie sleeping. So I pounded on the window to startle her, then gave her a little sign language. I think I wished her a merry christmas, I could be wrong. ;) She laughed.
It turns out that when she noticed that her logo was missing on the boot, she went back in to try and find it and while looking around the floor, found my wallet that fell out because I didn't zip my pocket. I told her the story from the "dude" and asked her if she looked in the wallet. She said nope, so I opened it for her, showing her the cash that I decided NOT to deposit on the way up. Laura and her both yelled in unison, "Why do you have that much cash on you! Who does that?" I'll tell you who. This guy! The guy that thinks, "What are the chances of me actually losing my wallet?" Well, now I know! A very, VERY, valuable lesson! Funny to them, not so much to me!
Kacie being Kacie, told me that I owe her! I couldn't deny it. She saved me big time. Losing that much money around the first of the month is the worst thing that could happen to me, financially. Laura voiced her opinion, that I should take BOTH of them to sushi, to which I nodded sure, but I'll wait to see what Kacie demands, as she is the one that saved me.
Breanne finally came down to the car and we parted ways. While walking back to my car, in sandals no less, I was trying to be careful to not step in puddles and completely soak myself. My cautiousness backfired as I flailed around for a solid five seconds (that I wish I had on tape) and BAM! down I went. And what do you do when you fall? Put your hand down to brace yourself. Well my hand was holding my iPhone, and the two went straight into a puddle. Although it's working OK now, it was freaking out on the drive home with random vibrations, the ipod coming on and off and other little issues. I did get a few sympathy claps from two guys getting in their car though. I needed to get home and go to bed to avoid any more disasters! That is, if I could make it down this slippery road!
I made it home intact, unpacked my car, popped a beer, and watched some TV. Overall, a great day with some great luck thrown in. And boy am I glad the three stooges came! Otherwise the "dude" would have a whole new wardrobe of tank tops and shorts to ski in! Until tomorrow, there's a very interesting, up and down day 25 of 365.
Last night, a friend of mine said she and two of her friends were going to be at Baldy today too, so I figured I'd meet up with them at some point on the mountain. While nice to have some company, I was going to be snowboarding regardless of whether or not I was alone. After all, it's been three years since I last strapped in and this was one of the biggest snow dumps SoCal has seen in years. I wasn't going to miss it!
After driving up to the parking lot twice - once not knowing I needed a special pass since my puny two-wheel drive wasn't allowed into the parking lot, which required me to drive back down ten minutes, then back up - I got to the lift ticket line, $10 off coupon in hand. This was probably my only real complaint of the day; the line for tickets took FOR-EV-ER!
Ticket attached, I headed straight to the top, wondering if I'd remember how to do this and how many times I'd look like an idiot. Fortunately, after a few cuts, things started to come back and I got back into it in no time. It was a perfect day! Sunny, warm and not very crowded. I was glad I wore a T-shirt and light windbreaker, because I was getting hot! In fact, there was a "dude" wearing shorts and a tank top skiing around! I got a few runs in, then decided to look around for my friends. As I was looking around I heard, "Hi Kyle!" from the chair lift up from the ticket line. What timing!
The three girls, Kacie, Breanne and Laura, got off the chair lift as I took pictures of them falling. The four of us took a couple runs then stopped at the bar for some beer and food! This is where the fun began!
After drinking a few beers, we decided to get back out and do a few more runs before it got too cold and started closing. By now, the clouds were creeping in. Kacie and I were standing outside waiting for the other two girls, when she started complaining that her brand new DC boots were already missing a decal. This is when she told me something along the lines of, "That little logo missing is like fate. I have something to tell you, but I'll wait till the end of the day. But you're going to adore me forever." After a few minutes of me pestering her to just tell me now and that they'd probably leave or get separated so she should just save the drama and tell me, I gave up and we all started off down the hill.
After the first run, Breanne and I decided to go up, while Kacie and Laura decided to call it quits. Coming down the very first run, Breanne and I got separated, so I did about four more runs on my own.
It was getting cold and looking like rain, so I headed down to my car. Upon arrival of my car, I noticed I was missing something. My wallet. I F-R-E-A-K-E-D! I immediately grabbed my board, went up to the ticket office and asked them to call up to the bar and see if they found it. They didn't. :( I nearly cried. I had my entire paycheck in there! As I was filling out my information, in case it was turned in, the "dude" with the shorts and tank top, who was standing there listening, said, "Hey. What'd you lose?" I explained and this was the next few exchanges:
"Where's the blonde that was next to you?"
"We got separated, why?"
"She didn't tell you?"
"Tell me what? WAIT! She told me that she had something to tell me, but she was going to make me wait, and that I'd adore her forever. Does she have my wallet?"
"She really didn't tell you? What a bitch!"
(Nodding in agreeance) "Seriously!? That would make sense!"
"I saw her pick it up, and asked her how much was inside so we could split it. She said it was her ex-boyfriends and that she had to give it to him. So how much was in there anyway?"
"Well over $1,000!"
"WHAT?!!? She screwed ME too!"
(awkward laugh by me) I thanked him for telling me, so I didn't have to cry the entire way home.
I headed back to my car, both relieved and thinking about how I'd act when I saw Kacie next. While changing, Laura came up to me asking where Breanne was. I thought she was joking at first, and was really coming to give me my wallet, but she wasn't. I headed up to their car to get my wallet, and found Kacie sleeping. So I pounded on the window to startle her, then gave her a little sign language. I think I wished her a merry christmas, I could be wrong. ;) She laughed.
It turns out that when she noticed that her logo was missing on the boot, she went back in to try and find it and while looking around the floor, found my wallet that fell out because I didn't zip my pocket. I told her the story from the "dude" and asked her if she looked in the wallet. She said nope, so I opened it for her, showing her the cash that I decided NOT to deposit on the way up. Laura and her both yelled in unison, "Why do you have that much cash on you! Who does that?" I'll tell you who. This guy! The guy that thinks, "What are the chances of me actually losing my wallet?" Well, now I know! A very, VERY, valuable lesson! Funny to them, not so much to me!
Kacie being Kacie, told me that I owe her! I couldn't deny it. She saved me big time. Losing that much money around the first of the month is the worst thing that could happen to me, financially. Laura voiced her opinion, that I should take BOTH of them to sushi, to which I nodded sure, but I'll wait to see what Kacie demands, as she is the one that saved me.
Breanne finally came down to the car and we parted ways. While walking back to my car, in sandals no less, I was trying to be careful to not step in puddles and completely soak myself. My cautiousness backfired as I flailed around for a solid five seconds (that I wish I had on tape) and BAM! down I went. And what do you do when you fall? Put your hand down to brace yourself. Well my hand was holding my iPhone, and the two went straight into a puddle. Although it's working OK now, it was freaking out on the drive home with random vibrations, the ipod coming on and off and other little issues. I did get a few sympathy claps from two guys getting in their car though. I needed to get home and go to bed to avoid any more disasters! That is, if I could make it down this slippery road!
I made it home intact, unpacked my car, popped a beer, and watched some TV. Overall, a great day with some great luck thrown in. And boy am I glad the three stooges came! Otherwise the "dude" would have a whole new wardrobe of tank tops and shorts to ski in! Until tomorrow, there's a very interesting, up and down day 25 of 365.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
1.24.10
Crap. It seems that when I have the most time to actually write my blog here, are the times I don't. Oh well.
Woke up early to golf today. Shocking right? I ended up playing like crap today, but still enjoyed it and was lucky to have the other two guys play equally as crappy, thus saving me what could have been a really expensive day!
After golf I headed home to watch me some NFL playoffs. I really wanted to watch them outside somewhere though, because it was SO beautiful out. Seriously. The rain washed all the stink away, and it was perfect weather. BUT, I was alone and decided to just go home and watch it with a nice cold beer! :) I was in a very good mood.
After the game I took a shower and got ready to go out to dinner with two great friends, Ryan and Ralph. The three of us used to go out a lot more, but schedules and living situations have made it more difficult. It was nice how easily this dinner was set up, though, and I was excited to see them. Both of these guys have always been there for me. They give me advice, call me out when I'm making excuses, and are both hilarious and good people. Plus, we were going to one of my favorite restaurants, Z'tejas!
The dinner, the company and the conversation was great, as expected. I was particularly interested to hear Ralph's views on my whole "late twenties crisis." He reminded me that it doesn't matter what other people are doing, what I think about where they're at in their lives and how "made" it seems everyone else is, because I don't know the particulars of their lives and their feelings. For all I know, they could be thinking that I have everything figured out and they're the ones that are lost. So simple, yet so hard to keep in mind. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life FOR ME, not because of what everyone else is doing. Unfortunate part is I haven't really got a clue! I need a little luck and/or someone to help me find that golden egg haha!
After dinner, I headed home and simply hung out with Jim watching TV. I smiled looking back at a fun day doing the things I love and with good people on an amazingly beautiful day. Until tomorrow, there's day 24 of 365.
Woke up early to golf today. Shocking right? I ended up playing like crap today, but still enjoyed it and was lucky to have the other two guys play equally as crappy, thus saving me what could have been a really expensive day!
After golf I headed home to watch me some NFL playoffs. I really wanted to watch them outside somewhere though, because it was SO beautiful out. Seriously. The rain washed all the stink away, and it was perfect weather. BUT, I was alone and decided to just go home and watch it with a nice cold beer! :) I was in a very good mood.
After the game I took a shower and got ready to go out to dinner with two great friends, Ryan and Ralph. The three of us used to go out a lot more, but schedules and living situations have made it more difficult. It was nice how easily this dinner was set up, though, and I was excited to see them. Both of these guys have always been there for me. They give me advice, call me out when I'm making excuses, and are both hilarious and good people. Plus, we were going to one of my favorite restaurants, Z'tejas!
The dinner, the company and the conversation was great, as expected. I was particularly interested to hear Ralph's views on my whole "late twenties crisis." He reminded me that it doesn't matter what other people are doing, what I think about where they're at in their lives and how "made" it seems everyone else is, because I don't know the particulars of their lives and their feelings. For all I know, they could be thinking that I have everything figured out and they're the ones that are lost. So simple, yet so hard to keep in mind. I need to figure out what I want to do with my life FOR ME, not because of what everyone else is doing. Unfortunate part is I haven't really got a clue! I need a little luck and/or someone to help me find that golden egg haha!
After dinner, I headed home and simply hung out with Jim watching TV. I smiled looking back at a fun day doing the things I love and with good people on an amazingly beautiful day. Until tomorrow, there's day 24 of 365.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
1.23.10
I woke up late today, shocking, and made it to work in time to realize that the day was going to be long and boring. And that it was. Until around 3:00 when customers actually started to come in. Sold a few things and felt good about my time there today, but couldn't wait for the FUN part of the day to start.
I came home, saved $0.17/gallon on gas -it's the little things, right?- and got ready for the rest of the night. I drove up to Studio City for some nice (free) dinner, some great wine and company, some tax signatures, and then headed to a show I purchased tickets for.
The show, "A Big, Gay, North Hollywood Wedding" was absolutely hilarious, entertaining, and well, gay. haha But anyone that knows me knows I love the gays and they love me. Wait... I guess I mean, I'm open to gays. No! Not that either. I love gay people and think they're treated terrible and unfairly. I support them and their rights 110%. And this show was hilarious and I'd recommend it to the biggest homophobes and even bet them $100 that there would be no way they wouldn't laugh their ass off! So yes, I'm promoting their show (go to goldstar.com and get tickets for like $16) and you should ALL go see it.
After the show, I started driving home and debated going to cowboy country. It was the "official PBR afterparty" and from what I had heard, last year was wall-to-wall people. I'm not a fan of this, so I was 75-25 headed home. I got a text from a friend though saying it was busy, but not PACKED, so I decided to go. When I got there, I learned my friend was a liar. ha! Regardless of the overcrowded place, I headed straight for the dance floor and got about three two-steps in within ten minutes. Worth it already. From here on, the night just kept getting better.
After a few more two-steps and a couple line dances, I took some time to get ignored at the bar, and make some conversation with some people that hadn't been there for a few weeks. I was having a great time having some awesome awkward, hard-to-hear, sarcastic conversations with a new friend and even dancing with some new people. Glad I came.
Then I walked back to my "area" to be greeted with a, "Don't freak out with what I'm about to tell you." I immediately thought my nice leather jacket was stolen, with my car keys inside. Turns out someone just yacked all over it, covering it with what looked like a little vodka-cran, some salsa and chips, and maybe a little Del Taco. Much better than being stolen, right? Win!
Not happy, I tried to get a paper towel and wipe some of the party mixture off, when I realized that this shit had some hardening components added in. Too much detail for you? Feeling nauseous? Yeah, well try having to carry it around with that smell an wondering if your hand is in a safe place. So I shoved it in a plastic trash bag and put it out of mouth's reach and continued having a good time.
I ended up having a brief, but interesting conversation with a super cool chick, who thought I looked angelic and religious at first (ha! fooled!), and she helped me remember what I couldn't remember that I wanted to say yesterday, I think. It was that I felt that while writing this blog I should be working more on entertaining you, whomever you are that's reading, as these posts have been rather boring lately. I feel like these posts are explaining my day, but not ME and the details of each thought and how it affects me. I feel like it's almost lacking personality. It's missing that Kyle touch, that would allow you to better understand me. But at the same time, I also feel like this is a part of me that most people don't know. Like the title of my blog, Beyond the funny, the forehead and the frivolity.
This "cool chick" said that it was like I was a few different people. The in-person Kyle, the facebook Kyle (aka bored as hell Kyle), and the blog Kyle. Meh. Maybe that's where my whole confusion of what to do with life lies. I don't really know who I am yet and which variety and combination works best to merge all my schizophrenic personalities ;). Blech. Sounds like a damn Dear Abby letter. I don't even know if any of this makes sense right now, and I'm not going to go back to reread it. I'm tired. It's 2:39am and I have to be up in about four hours for golf. I'll read this again tomorrow and make any necessary edits! Until then, there's day 23 of 365!
I came home, saved $0.17/gallon on gas -it's the little things, right?- and got ready for the rest of the night. I drove up to Studio City for some nice (free) dinner, some great wine and company, some tax signatures, and then headed to a show I purchased tickets for.
The show, "A Big, Gay, North Hollywood Wedding" was absolutely hilarious, entertaining, and well, gay. haha But anyone that knows me knows I love the gays and they love me. Wait... I guess I mean, I'm open to gays. No! Not that either. I love gay people and think they're treated terrible and unfairly. I support them and their rights 110%. And this show was hilarious and I'd recommend it to the biggest homophobes and even bet them $100 that there would be no way they wouldn't laugh their ass off! So yes, I'm promoting their show (go to goldstar.com and get tickets for like $16) and you should ALL go see it.
After the show, I started driving home and debated going to cowboy country. It was the "official PBR afterparty" and from what I had heard, last year was wall-to-wall people. I'm not a fan of this, so I was 75-25 headed home. I got a text from a friend though saying it was busy, but not PACKED, so I decided to go. When I got there, I learned my friend was a liar. ha! Regardless of the overcrowded place, I headed straight for the dance floor and got about three two-steps in within ten minutes. Worth it already. From here on, the night just kept getting better.
After a few more two-steps and a couple line dances, I took some time to get ignored at the bar, and make some conversation with some people that hadn't been there for a few weeks. I was having a great time having some awesome awkward, hard-to-hear, sarcastic conversations with a new friend and even dancing with some new people. Glad I came.
Then I walked back to my "area" to be greeted with a, "Don't freak out with what I'm about to tell you." I immediately thought my nice leather jacket was stolen, with my car keys inside. Turns out someone just yacked all over it, covering it with what looked like a little vodka-cran, some salsa and chips, and maybe a little Del Taco. Much better than being stolen, right? Win!
Not happy, I tried to get a paper towel and wipe some of the party mixture off, when I realized that this shit had some hardening components added in. Too much detail for you? Feeling nauseous? Yeah, well try having to carry it around with that smell an wondering if your hand is in a safe place. So I shoved it in a plastic trash bag and put it out of mouth's reach and continued having a good time.
I ended up having a brief, but interesting conversation with a super cool chick, who thought I looked angelic and religious at first (ha! fooled!), and she helped me remember what I couldn't remember that I wanted to say yesterday, I think. It was that I felt that while writing this blog I should be working more on entertaining you, whomever you are that's reading, as these posts have been rather boring lately. I feel like these posts are explaining my day, but not ME and the details of each thought and how it affects me. I feel like it's almost lacking personality. It's missing that Kyle touch, that would allow you to better understand me. But at the same time, I also feel like this is a part of me that most people don't know. Like the title of my blog, Beyond the funny, the forehead and the frivolity.
This "cool chick" said that it was like I was a few different people. The in-person Kyle, the facebook Kyle (aka bored as hell Kyle), and the blog Kyle. Meh. Maybe that's where my whole confusion of what to do with life lies. I don't really know who I am yet and which variety and combination works best to merge all my schizophrenic personalities ;). Blech. Sounds like a damn Dear Abby letter. I don't even know if any of this makes sense right now, and I'm not going to go back to reread it. I'm tired. It's 2:39am and I have to be up in about four hours for golf. I'll read this again tomorrow and make any necessary edits! Until then, there's day 23 of 365!
Saturday, January 23, 2010
1.22.10
PAY DAY! The only real reason not to call into work sick! Work was work today, no need to get into details. Nothing exciting happened except for one of my bosses telling me to pick up the other boss, who as stranded at the Jack in the Box directly behind our store, because it was raining and he didn't have an umbrella. I'll be damned if I was going to get all wet from it, so I drove there only to find that he decided to walk back umbrellaless. This is the point where I would stare directly into the camera with a look of annoyance, a la Jim from The Office, if I had my own show. But I do not.
There was something I wanted to write about while I was driving home from work, but I don't remember what it was. Phew. So glad I wrote that! :-/ Good story huh?
I got home and ate some leftovers and got ready to go dance at Cowboy Country, shocker, but missed getting there before the cover started! Boooo to $5 cover. Learned another new dance and spent another solid five hours dancing and socializing. It was one of the regular's birthday, and another regular made the MOST amazing blueberry cheesecake. I had two pieces, and I wanted a third. Seriously. Amazing. He does his own little bakery thing on the side, and if you ever need some amazing bakery items, let me know! He has also made some damn good Red Velvet Cupcakes! He should get a website!
I think I danced too hard though, because in the middle of my time there I had to take some Vitamin I for my feet! I guess I was stomping too hard. Oh well. Worth it.
I'm home now, and it's time for bed. Until tomorrow, there's day 22 of 365.
There was something I wanted to write about while I was driving home from work, but I don't remember what it was. Phew. So glad I wrote that! :-/ Good story huh?
I got home and ate some leftovers and got ready to go dance at Cowboy Country, shocker, but missed getting there before the cover started! Boooo to $5 cover. Learned another new dance and spent another solid five hours dancing and socializing. It was one of the regular's birthday, and another regular made the MOST amazing blueberry cheesecake. I had two pieces, and I wanted a third. Seriously. Amazing. He does his own little bakery thing on the side, and if you ever need some amazing bakery items, let me know! He has also made some damn good Red Velvet Cupcakes! He should get a website!
I think I danced too hard though, because in the middle of my time there I had to take some Vitamin I for my feet! I guess I was stomping too hard. Oh well. Worth it.
I'm home now, and it's time for bed. Until tomorrow, there's day 22 of 365.
Thursday, January 21, 2010
1.21.10
Waking up to rain is SO much more difficult than waking up to sunlight. It makes me want to just stay in bed. But alas, I got up and headed to work. I had to take an alternate route, cause this crazy huge storm that SoCal is getting is making everyone retarded on the freeway. Got to work about ten minutes late and headed straight for the coffee. Mmmmm! Nothing special happened beyond getting a free soup for lunch at work.
After work, I headed to the grocery store to pickup a bunch of stuff to start cooking again. Ralph's ended up having a sale and I wound up leaving with $100 worth of food, with a few spices and supplies. It should last me at least a week. So I hope to save some money, compared to what I've been spending anyway. (Oh yeah, and I bought some cinnamon toast crunch. Ralphs brand, but whatever. Parents didn't used to buy that "sugary crap." It's nice being on my own haha)
Once I got home I cleaned up the kitchen and attempted a baked mac 'n cheese, with cream corn and ham. The mac ended up being a little lackluster, but it was still cheap and decent, and I got a ton of leftovers. Op! Hold on, time to put the laundry in the dryer. Must be a Thursday night.
That's about it for the day. I'm going to go grab a book now and see if it interests me. You can read why and what it is below. I wrote the following earlier today:
An update on my grad school decision. I'm 70-30 in favor of going to grad school.
After work, I headed to the grocery store to pickup a bunch of stuff to start cooking again. Ralph's ended up having a sale and I wound up leaving with $100 worth of food, with a few spices and supplies. It should last me at least a week. So I hope to save some money, compared to what I've been spending anyway. (Oh yeah, and I bought some cinnamon toast crunch. Ralphs brand, but whatever. Parents didn't used to buy that "sugary crap." It's nice being on my own haha)
Once I got home I cleaned up the kitchen and attempted a baked mac 'n cheese, with cream corn and ham. The mac ended up being a little lackluster, but it was still cheap and decent, and I got a ton of leftovers. Op! Hold on, time to put the laundry in the dryer. Must be a Thursday night.
That's about it for the day. I'm going to go grab a book now and see if it interests me. You can read why and what it is below. I wrote the following earlier today:
An update on my grad school decision. I'm 70-30 in favor of going to grad school.
Looking back at college, I wish I had a better idea of what exactly I wanted to do when I graduated. I also wish I would have taken it more seriously. I had a lot of fun, that's for sure, but amazing grades and the retention I should have had would sure make my decision to go back to grad school a WHOLE LOT EASIER! I feel like I should practice studying something now, just to get in the habit of studying! But at the same time, I feel like I should WANT to study something because I enjoy it, not because I have to! I've just never been a fan of SCHOOL. I'm more of a fan of DOING something to learn it. I guess grad school, for what I want to do, is MORE doing than any other schooling I've done, but it's still going to be a ton of school. GRRR. I think I'll get some old anatomy/physiology books out and study them tonight and see if it still interests me.
Until tomorrow, there's day 21 of 365.
1.20.10
Almost through three weeks already? I feel like I say this every week, yet I'm consistently amazed at how quickly time just flies by and I feel like I've done nothing.
Today was rather boring. Got to work, did my thing. I did have to go to the IRS office though, which was an hours worth of silence. I think the only exciting thing to happen was wondering if, while at the IRS office, I was going to get a parking ticket for an expired meter. THAT would have been hilarious to me. The feds giveth and the state taketh away hah! Fortunately, this whole rain thing probably kept the wonderful parking enforcement in their car and I escaped ticketless.
I did decide to go back to something I was doing last year. A $10 per day budget. This means I'm going to go back to cooking, and finding ways to do things cheaper. I made a lot of progress on debt last year when I was doing this, and as most people do, I reverted back to my old self. Change is so very difficult to make permanent. I feel like this will always be a battle. Trying to figure out new ways to stay on course and find what actually works for me, is such a tiring fight, but better than not fighting at all.
After work I headed home with the intention of driving up to Studio City for dinner if the traffic wasn't bad. Traffic wasn't deadly, nor was it great, but the plans were thrown out when an emergency popped up (not with me). So I headed home and ate dinner with my roommate. Tried Foggia Italian Deli for the first time. Holy crap those sandwiches are huge. It was great. I need to go back there and buy some nice meat and cheese!
After dinner, I enjoyed some American Idol (funny picture attached), a couple other tv shows and now I'm heading to bed. Until tomorrow, there's day 20 of 365.
Today was rather boring. Got to work, did my thing. I did have to go to the IRS office though, which was an hours worth of silence. I think the only exciting thing to happen was wondering if, while at the IRS office, I was going to get a parking ticket for an expired meter. THAT would have been hilarious to me. The feds giveth and the state taketh away hah! Fortunately, this whole rain thing probably kept the wonderful parking enforcement in their car and I escaped ticketless.
I did decide to go back to something I was doing last year. A $10 per day budget. This means I'm going to go back to cooking, and finding ways to do things cheaper. I made a lot of progress on debt last year when I was doing this, and as most people do, I reverted back to my old self. Change is so very difficult to make permanent. I feel like this will always be a battle. Trying to figure out new ways to stay on course and find what actually works for me, is such a tiring fight, but better than not fighting at all.
After work I headed home with the intention of driving up to Studio City for dinner if the traffic wasn't bad. Traffic wasn't deadly, nor was it great, but the plans were thrown out when an emergency popped up (not with me). So I headed home and ate dinner with my roommate. Tried Foggia Italian Deli for the first time. Holy crap those sandwiches are huge. It was great. I need to go back there and buy some nice meat and cheese!
After dinner, I enjoyed some American Idol (funny picture attached), a couple other tv shows and now I'm heading to bed. Until tomorrow, there's day 20 of 365.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
1.19.10
What's this? Writing the day at the end of the day it happened? He must have been happy or something.
I am. But you'll have to read the rest of the day before you find out why. ;)
Seeing as I spent all day yesterday doing absolutely nothing, I woke up earlier than my alarm. Now this doesn't mean that I got up, just that I was awake. I don't get out of bed until the very last minute. Especially when it's raining, like it was today.
I got to work on time, and there was absolutely no traffic. Is MLK Day a big drinking day I didn't know about and everyone was hungover? Tuesdays at work (really my Mondays) are usually the busy day of the week. Cranking out checks and inputting invoices. However, organizing everything the way I did on Friday made things run so efficient I didn't know what to do with all the extra free time I had. Luckily, the rain and finding leaks in the store kept my attention for a while. Oh, and this tornado thing passing through SoCal.
I also had a random thought and wrote it down to publish tonight: Regarding the complaint I mentioned about no movies or books showing the struggles of the late twenties slash post-college, pre-career time of people's lives. On top of trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life, it seems that this is also a time when you really learn who your family is. Maybe it's just me, but I seem to be learning things, noticing things, and tieing up pieces about my family and realizing WHO they really are as people as opposed to parents. Things that I either didn't notice, didn't care to notice, or didn't know seem to be surfacing. It's very interesting. Almost as if I see them as "other adults" as opposed to "mom and dad" which is totally weird and oddly liberating. I don't need to go into more detail about my family, but I did want to throw this out there in case anyone else is experiencing this too.
I left work and wondered what I was going to do with the rest of my night, since my normal Tuesday night volleyball was off due to the rain. I debated between two options: coming home and writing, and going to the casino.
The writing option was something that struck me midday, while having a facebook conversation with a friend. I love to write, even though I hardly give this blog any attention to detail, and considering I don't really do it that often. I don't know the difference between an adverb and an adjective - seriously, I look those words up every time and still don't remembeber which is which - and I don't know the "proper" ways to structure a sentence. Even with all of this, I still love doing it and from what I hear, a lot of people don't mind reading what I write, and some even like it. Now I don't know if this is due to the actual "writing" part of it or if it's the fact that they like to see other people's struggles, failures and triumphs or if it's something else entirely, as I just get "I like/love/enjoy reading your blog." Regardless of this, I love writing and feel like I have a story to tell.
So, for a brief moment, I thought about writing a screenplay. Not at all with any wild dream of it somehow finding it's way to some film festival, but rather something to be acted out for simple fun and enjoyment. Maybe even a dinner theater party. This is all the thought I gave to this option.
Option two, the casino, was tempting to me for many reasons. If you dig back into my blog about seven months ago, you'll read about the WHOLE reason kylerevans.blogspot.com even exists; the casino. Since then, I've only gone to the casino once. For those of you that know me, you'll know how hard this is for me. In fact, I just shook my head in bewilderment at the thought of that.
I decided to go to the casino. This time with a different attitude than I've ever had. An adult attitude. Instead of playing the normal table games, I wanted to play a tournament. I've never busted out of a tournament without at least making my money back, so I decided to give it a chance. In fact, in my mind there was absolutely no way I could leave the tournament a loser. These single tables are too easy. It was a $135 buy-in and I played smart and ended up taking third. I won $190. I could have played more aggressively, but I really wasn't getting any good hands. In fact, I could have not even shown up, and still taken at least third. Seriously. I guess I preyed on other people's impatience, when they used to prey on mine.
When I used to go, I'd try and force hands and end up leaving the casino down at least $200 and fuming. This time I used patience and the knowledge and skills I know I have. I generally don't lose unless I'm playing like an impatient moron.
After the tournament was over, I decided to go and play some table games and test out my endurance on patience. I sat and played for a solid two hours. I only lost my patience once, when I called with a K-9 suited, because it was the third time in a row I had it and thought I'd get lucky. After losing the hand I realized that one can't THINK they'll get lucky. You do or you don't. I got back on track and played what I thought was great poker.
This is where two things happened that haven't ever happened with me before. I left early and with more money than I brought in! I have left the casino a winner before, but only after long hours, winning BIG and running or being forced to leave as I was with other people. I've never sat and played for a few hours and left up less than $100. I used to have the mentality that it was better to risk losing $40 in hopes of winning over $100 and coming home a loser than to leave with "only winning" like $60. Today it was like I had a four hour job after work and got paid about $15/hour. That's A-OK with me. Oh and I had dinner.
This may seem very strange to some other people, but to me, it showed me that I could control my actions and reactions 100% better than I could seven months ago. Could I actually be growing up? We shall see!
Time to go watch American Idol and go to bed. Until tomorrow, there's day 19 of 365.
I am. But you'll have to read the rest of the day before you find out why. ;)
Seeing as I spent all day yesterday doing absolutely nothing, I woke up earlier than my alarm. Now this doesn't mean that I got up, just that I was awake. I don't get out of bed until the very last minute. Especially when it's raining, like it was today.
I got to work on time, and there was absolutely no traffic. Is MLK Day a big drinking day I didn't know about and everyone was hungover? Tuesdays at work (really my Mondays) are usually the busy day of the week. Cranking out checks and inputting invoices. However, organizing everything the way I did on Friday made things run so efficient I didn't know what to do with all the extra free time I had. Luckily, the rain and finding leaks in the store kept my attention for a while. Oh, and this tornado thing passing through SoCal.
I also had a random thought and wrote it down to publish tonight: Regarding the complaint I mentioned about no movies or books showing the struggles of the late twenties slash post-college, pre-career time of people's lives. On top of trying to figure out what I'm going to do with my life, it seems that this is also a time when you really learn who your family is. Maybe it's just me, but I seem to be learning things, noticing things, and tieing up pieces about my family and realizing WHO they really are as people as opposed to parents. Things that I either didn't notice, didn't care to notice, or didn't know seem to be surfacing. It's very interesting. Almost as if I see them as "other adults" as opposed to "mom and dad" which is totally weird and oddly liberating. I don't need to go into more detail about my family, but I did want to throw this out there in case anyone else is experiencing this too.
I left work and wondered what I was going to do with the rest of my night, since my normal Tuesday night volleyball was off due to the rain. I debated between two options: coming home and writing, and going to the casino.
The writing option was something that struck me midday, while having a facebook conversation with a friend. I love to write, even though I hardly give this blog any attention to detail, and considering I don't really do it that often. I don't know the difference between an adverb and an adjective - seriously, I look those words up every time and still don't remembeber which is which - and I don't know the "proper" ways to structure a sentence. Even with all of this, I still love doing it and from what I hear, a lot of people don't mind reading what I write, and some even like it. Now I don't know if this is due to the actual "writing" part of it or if it's the fact that they like to see other people's struggles, failures and triumphs or if it's something else entirely, as I just get "I like/love/enjoy reading your blog." Regardless of this, I love writing and feel like I have a story to tell.
So, for a brief moment, I thought about writing a screenplay. Not at all with any wild dream of it somehow finding it's way to some film festival, but rather something to be acted out for simple fun and enjoyment. Maybe even a dinner theater party. This is all the thought I gave to this option.
Option two, the casino, was tempting to me for many reasons. If you dig back into my blog about seven months ago, you'll read about the WHOLE reason kylerevans.blogspot.com even exists; the casino. Since then, I've only gone to the casino once. For those of you that know me, you'll know how hard this is for me. In fact, I just shook my head in bewilderment at the thought of that.
I decided to go to the casino. This time with a different attitude than I've ever had. An adult attitude. Instead of playing the normal table games, I wanted to play a tournament. I've never busted out of a tournament without at least making my money back, so I decided to give it a chance. In fact, in my mind there was absolutely no way I could leave the tournament a loser. These single tables are too easy. It was a $135 buy-in and I played smart and ended up taking third. I won $190. I could have played more aggressively, but I really wasn't getting any good hands. In fact, I could have not even shown up, and still taken at least third. Seriously. I guess I preyed on other people's impatience, when they used to prey on mine.
When I used to go, I'd try and force hands and end up leaving the casino down at least $200 and fuming. This time I used patience and the knowledge and skills I know I have. I generally don't lose unless I'm playing like an impatient moron.
After the tournament was over, I decided to go and play some table games and test out my endurance on patience. I sat and played for a solid two hours. I only lost my patience once, when I called with a K-9 suited, because it was the third time in a row I had it and thought I'd get lucky. After losing the hand I realized that one can't THINK they'll get lucky. You do or you don't. I got back on track and played what I thought was great poker.
This is where two things happened that haven't ever happened with me before. I left early and with more money than I brought in! I have left the casino a winner before, but only after long hours, winning BIG and running or being forced to leave as I was with other people. I've never sat and played for a few hours and left up less than $100. I used to have the mentality that it was better to risk losing $40 in hopes of winning over $100 and coming home a loser than to leave with "only winning" like $60. Today it was like I had a four hour job after work and got paid about $15/hour. That's A-OK with me. Oh and I had dinner.
This may seem very strange to some other people, but to me, it showed me that I could control my actions and reactions 100% better than I could seven months ago. Could I actually be growing up? We shall see!
Time to go watch American Idol and go to bed. Until tomorrow, there's day 19 of 365.
1.18.10
Finally caught up. Phew! Who knew a few days could fly by that quickly. This post will be VERY short.
I woke up today around 10:30, which was shocking considering how exhausted I was from the last two days and nights. After farting around the house, not literally, at least yet, I took a shower and decided to watch some of my netflix movies. Before I actually pressed play on the first one though, I got stuck watching Max Payne on HBO. After Max Payne I watched most of I Love You, Man. After I Love You, Man I watched the last half of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I felt like it was a Jason Segal and Mila Kunis day, which isn't bad because he's hilarious and she's MMPH hot!
After these three movies, I watched Lars and the Real Girl -BOOOOOO! After I woke up from that movie I watched Goodfellas for the first time. I liked it. Spending seven hours on the couch gave me a headache. Or maybe it was the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since 9pm last night, and it was already 6 pm today. I finally decided to eat. Subway, eat fresh!
You'll never guess what I did for the rest of the night. Dang, you're good. Watched more TV/movies. It was a day of resting and catching up, so I don't get sick and run down like I did at the end of last week. It felt good, but it would have felt better if I had some company. Oh well. And isn't it amazing that people can "go to bed" after doing absolutely nothing and dozing on and off all day? Well, prepare to be amazed, because I'm exhausted and going to bed! Until tomorrow, there's day 18 of 365.
I woke up today around 10:30, which was shocking considering how exhausted I was from the last two days and nights. After farting around the house, not literally, at least yet, I took a shower and decided to watch some of my netflix movies. Before I actually pressed play on the first one though, I got stuck watching Max Payne on HBO. After Max Payne I watched most of I Love You, Man. After I Love You, Man I watched the last half of Forgetting Sarah Marshall. I felt like it was a Jason Segal and Mila Kunis day, which isn't bad because he's hilarious and she's MMPH hot!
After these three movies, I watched Lars and the Real Girl -BOOOOOO! After I woke up from that movie I watched Goodfellas for the first time. I liked it. Spending seven hours on the couch gave me a headache. Or maybe it was the fact that I hadn't eaten anything since 9pm last night, and it was already 6 pm today. I finally decided to eat. Subway, eat fresh!
You'll never guess what I did for the rest of the night. Dang, you're good. Watched more TV/movies. It was a day of resting and catching up, so I don't get sick and run down like I did at the end of last week. It felt good, but it would have felt better if I had some company. Oh well. And isn't it amazing that people can "go to bed" after doing absolutely nothing and dozing on and off all day? Well, prepare to be amazed, because I'm exhausted and going to bed! Until tomorrow, there's day 18 of 365.
1.17.10
Still catching up.
I woke up today 3.5 hours after I went to bed last night. Yes, 5:30 in the morning. Golf. This is at the top of a very short list of "Things I'll wake up before 7am for." I got dressed, brushed my teeth and headed to the course. Yes, still sporting my moustache from the night before. I wore it for the few chuckles I'd get from the guys, then tossed it.
Golf was great. I started off alright for a hole, then went up and down on the golf roller coaster for the next ten holes before focusing and finishing strong. At one point, I was certain I was going to lose at least $45 in bets. This was until I looked at my buddy Scott, and did something that he loves for me to do; call exactly what I'm going to do. I usually do this with him on the volleyball court, promising an Ace or something, but this was the first time I did it with him on the golf course. I told him I was going to drain my putt and come back. I did just that and ended up finishing the last six holes at one over par. From being down about $45 in bets to breaking dead even was huge, both financially and mentally. I just wish I could focus like that from the first tee all the way until the 18th green!
After golf, Scott and I headed to lunch for some beer and the Cowboys v. Vikings game. We talked a little bit about what we're going to do with our lives, and hung out. I, for some reason, wasn't interested in talking about the future though, and then realized that I spent the entire last week not even thinking about what I'm going to do. I was in "lazy fun" mode and simply pushed aside all my worries and problems, similar to the way my family handles everything. I needed to be more proactive and start working on my life instead of getting back into the eat, sleep, poop monotony of the life I don't want.
I came home from lunch and took a nap from 1-330 before I got up to head to volleyball. After volleyball I came home and went to dinner with my roommate Jim, and then came home and went to bed. I was exhausted. I had only six hours sleep and had done a whole lot of activity! Day 17 of 365, done! zzzzzzzz
I woke up today 3.5 hours after I went to bed last night. Yes, 5:30 in the morning. Golf. This is at the top of a very short list of "Things I'll wake up before 7am for." I got dressed, brushed my teeth and headed to the course. Yes, still sporting my moustache from the night before. I wore it for the few chuckles I'd get from the guys, then tossed it.
Golf was great. I started off alright for a hole, then went up and down on the golf roller coaster for the next ten holes before focusing and finishing strong. At one point, I was certain I was going to lose at least $45 in bets. This was until I looked at my buddy Scott, and did something that he loves for me to do; call exactly what I'm going to do. I usually do this with him on the volleyball court, promising an Ace or something, but this was the first time I did it with him on the golf course. I told him I was going to drain my putt and come back. I did just that and ended up finishing the last six holes at one over par. From being down about $45 in bets to breaking dead even was huge, both financially and mentally. I just wish I could focus like that from the first tee all the way until the 18th green!
After golf, Scott and I headed to lunch for some beer and the Cowboys v. Vikings game. We talked a little bit about what we're going to do with our lives, and hung out. I, for some reason, wasn't interested in talking about the future though, and then realized that I spent the entire last week not even thinking about what I'm going to do. I was in "lazy fun" mode and simply pushed aside all my worries and problems, similar to the way my family handles everything. I needed to be more proactive and start working on my life instead of getting back into the eat, sleep, poop monotony of the life I don't want.
I came home from lunch and took a nap from 1-330 before I got up to head to volleyball. After volleyball I came home and went to dinner with my roommate Jim, and then came home and went to bed. I was exhausted. I had only six hours sleep and had done a whole lot of activity! Day 17 of 365, done! zzzzzzzz
1.16.10
Again, this is being posted on 1.19. Don't judge.
I woke up about thirty minutes early today to be at the wonderful USPS to pick up a certified letter from the one place EVERYONE hopes to NEVER receive a letter from; the IRS. Hi Stress. Welcome. Come on in and make yourself comfortable. I won't get into the particulars, but I owe some money, and there are some issues, and I'm working on sorting them out. I hate taxes. Seriously. I know most of us do, but yeah, hate them.
So now that I was in a great mood to start the day, it was off to work! Being that I organized everything so well yesterday, I didn't have a whole lot to do today, which allowed me a little free time to tune into the NFL playoff game now and then. Work ended up flying by and I was feeling better, both physically and mentally.
On my way home, I stopped by a party store to see if they had an items that I could use as part of a costume for an Olympic themed birthday party I was going to in the evening. I was going to represent Mexico. I was pretty excited for this party because it was for a friend of mine who I don't see that often and he's absolutely hilarious, and for the theme of the party.
After getting ready, I headed up to Brentwood. Upon my arrival, I quickly noticed that there was only one single guy in the room; me. Five couples and Kylito. This was strange because pretty much all of my life I'm the one who always had a girlfriend, and now everything was reversed. Don't quite know how I feel about this. Guess I'd just have to kick some juego olympicos ass alone.
Here is a link to some of the pictures from the "GAMES." More specifically, my costume.
I had a great time with some great people here. But how could I not with a house full of USC alumni? I left the party at around 1:30am, taking 2nd place overall. I got home around 2am and went straight to bed, moustache and all. Day 16 of 365, done!
I woke up about thirty minutes early today to be at the wonderful USPS to pick up a certified letter from the one place EVERYONE hopes to NEVER receive a letter from; the IRS. Hi Stress. Welcome. Come on in and make yourself comfortable. I won't get into the particulars, but I owe some money, and there are some issues, and I'm working on sorting them out. I hate taxes. Seriously. I know most of us do, but yeah, hate them.
So now that I was in a great mood to start the day, it was off to work! Being that I organized everything so well yesterday, I didn't have a whole lot to do today, which allowed me a little free time to tune into the NFL playoff game now and then. Work ended up flying by and I was feeling better, both physically and mentally.
On my way home, I stopped by a party store to see if they had an items that I could use as part of a costume for an Olympic themed birthday party I was going to in the evening. I was going to represent Mexico. I was pretty excited for this party because it was for a friend of mine who I don't see that often and he's absolutely hilarious, and for the theme of the party.
After getting ready, I headed up to Brentwood. Upon my arrival, I quickly noticed that there was only one single guy in the room; me. Five couples and Kylito. This was strange because pretty much all of my life I'm the one who always had a girlfriend, and now everything was reversed. Don't quite know how I feel about this. Guess I'd just have to kick some juego olympicos ass alone.
Here is a link to some of the pictures from the "GAMES." More specifically, my costume.
I had a great time with some great people here. But how could I not with a house full of USC alumni? I left the party at around 1:30am, taking 2nd place overall. I got home around 2am and went straight to bed, moustache and all. Day 16 of 365, done!
1.15.10
OK. Well, I haven't posted or written anything since Friday, so here is my catch-up. Don't hate when there's not much detail, as the particular thoughts of each day may have escaped me.
Typical Friday at work. Started the morning off with our weekly staff meeting and I spent the rest of the day organizing my "office" for 2010. A fun filled Friday of filing! I still felt pretty crappy most of the day, and was debating whether or not to flake on going to Cowboy Country because I was sore and achy and dancing and jumping around just didn't seem fun. However, they were giving a lesson on the line dance Chill Factor, one of the hardest dances, that I didn't want to miss.
I got home from work after an hour ride home, awesome, and went straight into my bed and set my alarm for 30 minutes. The power nap made feel slightly better, so I took a scortching hot shower and headed to Cowboy Country (CC from here on out).
I got there in time to walk straight to the floor, do one of my favorite dances, and learn Chill Factor. After the lesson, I sat at the table with virtually zero energy and feeling terrible and achy. I took a few Ibuprofen, or as I like to call it "Vitamin I," and started to feel a lot better. I grabbed a beer and and felt like I was alive again. I spent the rest of the night dancing and didn't leave until about 12:30 am. I went home and went to bed. Day 15 of 365, done.
Typical Friday at work. Started the morning off with our weekly staff meeting and I spent the rest of the day organizing my "office" for 2010. A fun filled Friday of filing! I still felt pretty crappy most of the day, and was debating whether or not to flake on going to Cowboy Country because I was sore and achy and dancing and jumping around just didn't seem fun. However, they were giving a lesson on the line dance Chill Factor, one of the hardest dances, that I didn't want to miss.
I got home from work after an hour ride home, awesome, and went straight into my bed and set my alarm for 30 minutes. The power nap made feel slightly better, so I took a scortching hot shower and headed to Cowboy Country (CC from here on out).
I got there in time to walk straight to the floor, do one of my favorite dances, and learn Chill Factor. After the lesson, I sat at the table with virtually zero energy and feeling terrible and achy. I took a few Ibuprofen, or as I like to call it "Vitamin I," and started to feel a lot better. I grabbed a beer and and felt like I was alive again. I spent the rest of the night dancing and didn't leave until about 12:30 am. I went home and went to bed. Day 15 of 365, done.
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