Before and After Room

Before & After and some progress shots.

Frustration

RESPONSIBILITY SUCKS MY ASS! Installing carpet, something I pictured me being done with at about 930 tonight, also SUCKS MY ASS! Sorry for the graphic descriptions, as I know you're picturing it - if you weren't, you are now suckaaaaaaaa - but it's the only way you can understand my frustration. I don't want to be the one doing this :(((((( hahaha sigh. This was a venting break slash blog post to keep the streak alive! Here are some pictures of the process of CARPET INSTALLATION 2009!!!

It started with the carpet I wanted coming in a 15' width instead of 12'. More money and more length to try to fit in my Vue.
Oh and as soon as i wheeled this to my car, a mustang with two guys sat there and watched me load this in for like 10 minutes...just to get the parking spot. Can't blame them, I probably would have done the same thing.

this is me attempting to start.
This is me ridiculously frustrated!
Then Jim came to save the day. He did this through High School and part of college. Fixed my rookie mistakes in about 10 minutes. Now all we need to do, apparently, is cut it and THE ROOM IS FINALLY DONE! Back to regular, not-as-responsible responsibility like I'm used to! hahaThanks Jim!

I'll take Famous Tities for $500 Trebek

Title courtesy of "Sean Connery" or Will Ferrell! I love that man. Just so you all know why I haven't had a good blog this week, I've been swamped at work and I've been trying to get the house ready for a new roommate. So instead of reading my brilliant literary works, you get to see what I'm doing! I'm making this god-awful room WHITE! then re-carpeting! OH JOY! At least a friend is coming over to help! Who does this in the first place?

After photos

Before & After
What a difference!
There is still work to be done though!

ACCOMPLISHMENTS!

Today feels great! I have now stuck to blogging 7 days in a row! Goal CHECK!

AAAAAAAAND I can't wait to get home and see what the backyard looks like!!!! It feels great to finally have that off my back. I'll post pictures later! Now I just need to do a few more things and simply maintain! This should be good for me as something to do instead of spending money! Nurse my house back to health.

I'm also not going to be sticking to my current budget plan (even though I could get through the rest of the day without spending $1) because I had promised to make my mom(s) dinner tonight for her 55th bday! Filet mignon with a balsamic glaze and grilled veggies! So instead, I'll try and stretch the $10/thing another week to makeup for Father's Day and the birthday.

A lot to feel good about today even if it is simple little things. Baby steps!

I hope you can all feel the excitement reading this. I mean, there's about 24 exclamation points for crying out loud! 25 :)

12 day update

It's been about 12 days since I've started this whole blogging thing. I'm not tired and there's nothing on TV so I thought I'd think about any progress I've made!

In 12 days, I've only missed one day! Holy crap! I just realized that when I blog tomorrow, goal #1/4 will be achieved! 7 days of blogging. Jeez where does the time go!?

I've definitely been more conscious of day-to-day costs and the importance of each.

I've also found it extremely difficult to commit to everything. Just today after volleyball, I got in a "little voice inside my head" argument! I don't know what's worse, the fact that it was so difficult to commit to something or that instead of ONE little voice inside my head, I HAD TWO!! AND THEY WERE ARGUING!! After this inner struggle over the dumbest of things - to enjoy a beer with dinner as always after volleyball and deal with my shortage of $ later or get water and stick to $10/day - my newfound strength to be responsible and commit won! I still don't understand why it was so hard to order the water. Maybe all of the, "WHAAAAT" I would receive from the guys or maybe the fear of being the "one" that "can't afford it." Whatever it was, it was silly and even though I got a little flack, it was worth it! I mean, what does ONE beer do anyways? Sure it tastes good, but so does water and it's just 12 less ounces of carbs ;) I also had a little backup from the pops who encouraged them to read my blog so they would understand. Thanks dad!

What kind of life have I been living that the simple decision to imbibe in a certain type of beverage could create so much inner conflict? Maybe that's it. This SHOULD create this kind of conflict. I SHOULD be worried about spending an extra $4/week, or $200/year on something that has virtually ZERO satasfaction/purpose. I mean, when we all see someone who we KNOW is financially fortuneless there's no mental dam preventing us from chiming in about how they can't afford it, and I'm no better! Sure, I make a decent living, but what's it all worth if it's just collateral?

***Just so you all know, while writing the previous paragraph, I figured that $4/week was about $200/year and IMMEDIATELY reallocated that money to 3-4 more golf courses I could play, as opposed to saving it and applying it to my debt! WOW! This is going to be a tough habit to kick!

Haha, after the last two paragraphs, I can't really say I've made too much progress now can I? If anything, I can say that I'm at least conscious of these things and making the right decisions, whereas before I had a, "deal-with-it-later" type of attitude.

I will accomplish one goal tomorrow, and with only $20 for the next two days, I hope to accomplish another on Friday! Wish me luck and stay tuned!

THAT'S ALL FOLKS! (for today)

Corrections!

I didn't post that I only spent $10 on Saturday (two Newcastles at Mike's Bday). And I spent $20 on Monday, which drove me NUTS today trying to figure out why I was short a $10 until I realized I spent $10 on lunch and then the $10 on the parking and CPK.

Responsibility in action!

The driveway before work. Looking from the front of the house to the back! wowzas. That's a huge cactus. And the backyard...like I said previously, I forgot to take the picture BEFORE work began! So the 6' trees are now horizontal and in a pile :(




and my doggy! Shilo!

Responsibility take 2

Today I tended to two things that I've been avoiding the responsibility on for a LONG time. The first is giving my dog a bath. The second is tackling the ecosystem that is my backyard! It's gotten way too out of control. There's a cactus that is about 12 feet high and about 6 feet wide, as well as random life forms popping up in the driveway and lawn. I think there might even be stray cats living back there. Anyway, I shopped around and found someone to completely take it on. Quite costly! For $350, they are going to remove the cactus, which two people told me would normally cost about $200 alone, as well as remove another dead plum tree and the rest of the mess.

What I found so funny about this was that it was SO hard to commit to spending $350 on this, which was something that HAS to be done, but it wasn't hard at all to go to the ATM and spend $350 to gamble with, which was what started this entire situation!

Crap. I should have taken a few pictures. Let me go do that.

Oh, and yesterday I spent $10. - $4 on valet for dance class. $3 for parking for dinner and $3 for dinner at CPK/paying for Marissa's parking. (thanks to Marissa buying my dinner).

27, 28, 29...

Sorry everyone, but I've been busy a lot lately with work and with trying to get the house ready for a new roommate! So again, I've got nothing but "yawns" in my head! I know you anxiously sit at your computer waiting for me to tweet or facebook update saying I posted something new so you can come straight here and read it, as evidenced by my astonishing number of blog views. So check back tomorrow to get my blog views up to 31 or 32 and maybe my post will rock you world. ;) For now, it's time for me to pass out on the couch!

Father's Day

Well, today was Father's Day AND my mom's senior citizen (haha) bday! I went out to spend the day with the old man! We played some golf, with the word "played" being used very loosely! Let's just say we probably would have both shot over 100 if we didn't have about 10 mulligans!

Today was my exception to my $10/day budget, as it was a holiday. During the day, with budget in mind, I thought about how many times my parents were probably in the financial situation I'm in now, in order to provide me with the life I've had. It got me thinking about how grateful I am, that someone else would put their own wants second to mine and how good it made me feel to give back to my dad today with something as simple as golf and dinner, and most of all, the time we got to spend together. My relationship with him hasn't ever been an emotional, heartfelt display of affection, but we both know that just spending the time together and sucking at golf is more than we simpletons could ever ask for. Sure, we wouldn't mind being able to afford to jet off to Scotland to suck at golf, but the balls are probably more expensive there and the current state of his putting game would not be compatible with those greens! ;) Love ya dad!

So today, the money I spent has only a memorable value! Happy Father's Day!

Oh and happy birthday mom! Hopefully you won big in vegas!

6/19/09

I didn't spend any money yesterday! Got some work done with my computer only crashing TWICE! no deep thoughts for the day though.

I'll say one thing for today, my head just keeps thinking about all the things i want to do. Go kart with my dad for father's day, golf for fathers day, going out tonight, etc. It's tough to figure out which to do, considering all of them and then making the best decision. As opposed to the old ways of, "just do it all!"

$HEE$H

I spent $31 for 6/18 - $5 for subway lunch and $26 at Ralph's for dinner and two bottles of wine.

I'm spending too much money! I have averaged $22.79 PER DAY!!!! My biggest expenditures have been the Newcastle, and the two bottles of wine for a grand total of about $26. Granted these purchases last a little longer (and the dinner I made last night should be enough to last for another 2 days) so that could bring my "per diem" down to 17.73. Damn, that's a lot of money! Time to make a change in the way I handle this miscellaneous spending!

Goal #5: Average $10/day over the next 7 days! (golf excluded for this task)

This is going to be tough! Sounds simple, but this is a big lifestyle change. A much-needed change and a more realistic change, but tough nonetheless!

Drained

All this complex thinking has apparently sucked all energy out of me! I've had about 6 cups of coffee and 4 pieces of candy, and can hardly keep my eyes open! AND I FELL ASLEEP AT LIKE 11 LAST NIGHT!

Mentally, it's been a tough week. Trying to keep up with this, find a new roommate, worry about my business and getting the day-to-day tasks out of the way, has got me burnt! So we shall see what delusional thoughts I come up with on what's sure to be the longest drive home ever!

Not a post worth reading, but that's alllllllll that's up in between the ears!

Oops

Didn't post yesterday, so technically, Goal #1 was not accomplished. It's not that I didn't have time, because I did, but that I had planned on watching a movie and getting some work done and blogging post-movie. However, I passed out during the movie, then went to bed. Should have done it when it was in my head instead of putting it off! Typical Kyle. I recognize that I am the one responsible for it and it was my own fault.

So, goal #1 is BACK on the table as:

GOAL #4: 7 days of blogging starting today!

I spent $9.50 on food and a car wash for 6/17

nada

I got nothing for today folks! just money spent: $14 for lunch and dinner!

Lame Title: Selfish

I didn't have much going on upstairs today and was worried I'd have nothing to report other than the excessive money spent! But alas, the brain got going during dinner after dance classes.

The thing that's so odd about these thoughts is that I've thought them multiple times randomly over the last decade, but that's where they stayed. Before I get to them, I want to address another thought regarding this blog.

I started this knowing full well people would have their opinions and views on it. What I didn't expect was for me to realize these things when, apparently, so many people already "knew" I needed this and were just "waiting." Kind of tough to hear, kind of funny to hear who, but all instrumental in what I'm trying to accomplish in figuring out "who I am." So I welcome it, as tough as it is.

One of the toughest things to do through all of this, I think, is to try and see if there's some common theme or relation to all of these thoughts and actions. I feel like I can already see some, but it's still early, so I'll give it more time. ;)

CAUTION: May be tough to read

One thought that I've had more times than I can count is my funeral. This thought has evolved over the years. It started as, "If I died, who would come to the funeral and what would they be saying/feeling?" Of course you wonder if you would be able to hear the thoughts and see everything one last time during your own funeral. Over time, it's changed to having something medically wrong with me, curable, but life-threatening, so I would survive, but also get to see what people felt and see who showed up. Don't get me wrong, these are terrible things that nobody should ever wish on someone, let alone themselves, but they are all thoughts that have, at some point, crossed my mind. And don't say they haven't crossed yours, because we've all seen them in movies.

The only reasons I can come up with that I would even think this is to gain attention or say I've done something like overcome a disease. Which brings me to the other thought.

I have always seen myself as being ahead of the curve - as seen in post #1 - and figured I'd be more "successful" or accomplished by 25 than my peers would be at 30. I don't know if it's because I wanted to SAY I was or because I felt I deserved it. Regardless, that's what I thought. When I heard of people I knew from high school that have "accomplished" so many things already, that I felt didn't deserve it or weren't capable of it, I'd get upset internally and come back the next day more motivated to do something. Well, here I am at 25, still struggling with my own budget, credit card debt, and a mental complex that I can't determine if it's growing or diminishing by posting this blog haha. Maybe that's where my problem lies.

Maybe I've only decided to perform when someone else is doing better than me or someone is encroaching on what I "deserve." That's not how things should be working. I need to perform because I want to perform. I need to work for the things I want or realize I'm not getting them because I'm not working for it. I don't feel like I've ever been spoiled, even though my sister disagrees ;), so I don't know why I think this, but it's time for it to end.

Goal #3: If I want something, come up with a clear reason for why I deserve it. Wait 24 hours, and if I still feel like my justification is satisfactory, then consider it. If it's something more immediate, trust my gut.

Goal #3 was posted tonight because of last night. I posted that I only spent $20 yesterday, but I ended up going out to dinner and a movie, spending another $33, bringing the total to $53 for 6/14. I could have lived without going out to dinner and the movie, but didn't want to let others down, so I gave in, knowing I could have easily have said no and been just fine. A decision made wholly by myself! And the others wouldn't have cared either way!

Money spent for 6/15: eeesh. let's see...$34 ($5 for subway, $29 for dinner for two - same person that paid my parking tonight and my In-n-out yesterday)

I know there really isn't a lot of "flow" and transition between thoughts and paragraphs, but it's the beginning and I'm just getting them out. I'll sort it all out later and develop them further. SHIT! There I go again worrying more about what YOU think about my writing style than the point of the writing. So please, disregard that first sentence of this paragraph. I'll write however I want!

The end!

uhhhh

My first blog mental block! I haven't got a clue about what to write about yet. Played some good volleyball this morning, and now its time for the Laker game! Maybe something will come later.

Or now. Briefly, I thought about experiencing the same things I already do without thinking, differently. For example, driving with the windows down (blasting classical music haha). Enjoying the fact that I'm able to do something, like volleyball, and remove all the "stress" of winning. I enjoyed playing today probably more than I have in a long time! So I guess that's something!

Money spent 6/14: $20 ($4 on parking and $16 on a 12 pack of Newcastle)

The little voice in my head

A while ago I took this Landmark Education class, and without going into detail about it I learned a lot of things. A lot of things that I have since lost sight of. One of which, is the little voice in your head that talks to you; usually when you should probably be listening to someone else. We all have it. Yours is probably saying, "Heh! What little voice? I don't have a little voice." Anyway, tonight I saw some ooooooold friends that I haven't seen in years. While there, the little voice in my head kept telling me that I should lie and say I'm already successful and things couldn't be better. This scared me because I've conditioned my own damn head to actually believe I am what I want to be, even though I'm not yet.

I tried to figure out why I felt the need to bring this fantasy out to play, and the only reason I could come up with was that I have this expectation that everyone else has an expectation of who I "should" be by now. What an idiot! Who even cares if they do? Besides me apparently, which I shouldn't! haha!

NOTE TO SELF #1: I need to realize that this life where I already make a 6-figure income, drive a nice car, own my own home(s) and don't have to say, "No, I can't afford it" only lives in my head. I don't work hard enough to have accomplished all of this by 25! I've got plenty of time. Yes, people have done it and are doing it, but I'm not a failure because I haven't. I've accomplished a lot so far, but have a lot to accomplish yet. Tell the voice to STFU! Be present!

Goal #2: (work related, and I don't want to mix this with work yet, so I'm posting so I know) Too by Jewel Eye

Oh, & I made it through 6/13 without spending a dime! sweet!

Random Thought #1

As if bank statements weren't enough, I'm going to note what I spent during the day (beyond the normal bills) on here and what I spent it on. This is getting really personal! Hmmm.

6/12/09 - $10 cover (2 people) at Cowboy Country & $8 for drinks = $18 for one day and a good night! Not bad. Hmm if I did that just once a week for a year, that's nearly $1000/year. Cut out the drinks and I save nearly half that!

And yes, I did think about giving up drinking! Well, at least paying for them. Don't wanna get TOO crazy and who turns down free drinks?

Lame Title: Confused

My first post generated quite an interesting reaction from people. Some help, some support, some sharing that this was rather obvious! All in all, I welcome any sort of response as it can only help my situation.

Towards the end of my post yesterday, I realized that I used the word "commit" more than "responsibility" which got me thinking, "Maybe THAT'S what I am lacking." Or maybe it's that they go hand in hand. Either way, it sent my head spinning and playing back random memories of relationships and situations where I lacked commitment/responsibility. So why not try and improve both!?

First goal: Commit to this blog for at least another 7 days in a row.

Over the last 7 years I've come up with different ideas and ways to handle things I've realized I haven't been able to - or wanted to - commit to. Examples: Eating better - drink water or tea instead of soda & cut out as much fast food. Spending money - when you want to go out and spend money, exercise instead. A win-win there, save money and get in better shape? Genius!

And now, write this blog in hopes of improving my life in multiple areas. I have to say, the first 24 hours have been pretty successful ;)

hmmm. I had a lot on my mind yesterday, but didn't get a chance to write it all down, and now I can't remember. I'll post it later if I do. For now, I need to get back to work!

Lame post title: Epiphany

Last night I was playi--- losing money I can't afford to lose at poker and drinking a few Newcastles, when I busted out for another $100! I had already lost about $260 and had my last hundred back up to $225. As I was walking to my car, frustrated and wishing I could literally kick my own ass - I thought about the scene from Me, Myself & Irene with Jim Carey where he did just that- I realized that I am living a life that I want to live, but I'm not currently at the point financially or mentally to live like that.

I've convinced myself that having $1000 in my account means that I have money to spend and that I can, at times, "hook a brotha up" with some drinks or some golf or go gamble for a bit. This is entirely untrue. Yes, I can afford to go out for drinks and a good time occasionally, but not for drinks three nights in a row, picking up the tab, golfing, gambling, eating out on top of having my regular expenses.

I have over $100k in student loans still. I have some credit card debt. I have taxes I haven't paid. I owe money to my business partner. I can't afford SHIT, yet I like to give advice to everyone else on "saving" and paying off CC debt and... So there's the financial aspect of why I am not ready to live like I want.

The mental aspect is the toughest part to cope with. I've always thought of myself as mentally sound, except between holes 1 and 18, and more mature than most people my age, when really, I'm just quite "typical." I've been delusional within myself, downplaying the actual costs of my actions, not just monetarily, and amplifying my ability to understand and dish out advice on the same subject.

So now, I'm going to be honest with myself and try to commit to something I've been struggling with since sophomore year of college: responsibility. (As silly as it is, that was really tough for me to admit.)

This is the beginning of me displaying this struggle for the public to see, so I can't lie to myself or friends, so I can see and review what I say I'm going to do instead of just "forgetting" about it and to commit to it once and for all!

Kyle