My first blog mental block! I haven't got a clue about what to write about yet. Played some good volleyball this morning, and now its time for the Laker game! Maybe something will come later.
Or now. Briefly, I thought about experiencing the same things I already do without thinking, differently. For example, driving with the windows down (blasting classical music haha). Enjoying the fact that I'm able to do something, like volleyball, and remove all the "stress" of winning. I enjoyed playing today probably more than I have in a long time! So I guess that's something!
Money spent 6/14: $20 ($4 on parking and $16 on a 12 pack of Newcastle)
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Saturday, June 13, 2009
The little voice in my head
A while ago I took this Landmark Education class, and without going into detail about it I learned a lot of things. A lot of things that I have since lost sight of. One of which, is the little voice in your head that talks to you; usually when you should probably be listening to someone else. We all have it. Yours is probably saying, "Heh! What little voice? I don't have a little voice." Anyway, tonight I saw some ooooooold friends that I haven't seen in years. While there, the little voice in my head kept telling me that I should lie and say I'm already successful and things couldn't be better. This scared me because I've conditioned my own damn head to actually believe I am what I want to be, even though I'm not yet.
I tried to figure out why I felt the need to bring this fantasy out to play, and the only reason I could come up with was that I have this expectation that everyone else has an expectation of who I "should" be by now. What an idiot! Who even cares if they do? Besides me apparently, which I shouldn't! haha!
NOTE TO SELF #1: I need to realize that this life where I already make a 6-figure income, drive a nice car, own my own home(s) and don't have to say, "No, I can't afford it" only lives in my head. I don't work hard enough to have accomplished all of this by 25! I've got plenty of time. Yes, people have done it and are doing it, but I'm not a failure because I haven't. I've accomplished a lot so far, but have a lot to accomplish yet. Tell the voice to STFU! Be present!
Goal #2: (work related, and I don't want to mix this with work yet, so I'm posting so I know) Too by Jewel Eye
Oh, & I made it through 6/13 without spending a dime! sweet!
I tried to figure out why I felt the need to bring this fantasy out to play, and the only reason I could come up with was that I have this expectation that everyone else has an expectation of who I "should" be by now. What an idiot! Who even cares if they do? Besides me apparently, which I shouldn't! haha!
NOTE TO SELF #1: I need to realize that this life where I already make a 6-figure income, drive a nice car, own my own home(s) and don't have to say, "No, I can't afford it" only lives in my head. I don't work hard enough to have accomplished all of this by 25! I've got plenty of time. Yes, people have done it and are doing it, but I'm not a failure because I haven't. I've accomplished a lot so far, but have a lot to accomplish yet. Tell the voice to STFU! Be present!
Goal #2: (work related, and I don't want to mix this with work yet, so I'm posting so I know) Too by Jewel Eye
Oh, & I made it through 6/13 without spending a dime! sweet!
Random Thought #1
As if bank statements weren't enough, I'm going to note what I spent during the day (beyond the normal bills) on here and what I spent it on. This is getting really personal! Hmmm.
6/12/09 - $10 cover (2 people) at Cowboy Country & $8 for drinks = $18 for one day and a good night! Not bad. Hmm if I did that just once a week for a year, that's nearly $1000/year. Cut out the drinks and I save nearly half that!
And yes, I did think about giving up drinking! Well, at least paying for them. Don't wanna get TOO crazy and who turns down free drinks?
6/12/09 - $10 cover (2 people) at Cowboy Country & $8 for drinks = $18 for one day and a good night! Not bad. Hmm if I did that just once a week for a year, that's nearly $1000/year. Cut out the drinks and I save nearly half that!
And yes, I did think about giving up drinking! Well, at least paying for them. Don't wanna get TOO crazy and who turns down free drinks?
Lame Title: Confused
My first post generated quite an interesting reaction from people. Some help, some support, some sharing that this was rather obvious! All in all, I welcome any sort of response as it can only help my situation.
Towards the end of my post yesterday, I realized that I used the word "commit" more than "responsibility" which got me thinking, "Maybe THAT'S what I am lacking." Or maybe it's that they go hand in hand. Either way, it sent my head spinning and playing back random memories of relationships and situations where I lacked commitment/responsibility. So why not try and improve both!?
First goal: Commit to this blog for at least another 7 days in a row.
Over the last 7 years I've come up with different ideas and ways to handle things I've realized I haven't been able to - or wanted to - commit to. Examples: Eating better - drink water or tea instead of soda & cut out as much fast food. Spending money - when you want to go out and spend money, exercise instead. A win-win there, save money and get in better shape? Genius!
And now, write this blog in hopes of improving my life in multiple areas. I have to say, the first 24 hours have been pretty successful ;)
hmmm. I had a lot on my mind yesterday, but didn't get a chance to write it all down, and now I can't remember. I'll post it later if I do. For now, I need to get back to work!
Towards the end of my post yesterday, I realized that I used the word "commit" more than "responsibility" which got me thinking, "Maybe THAT'S what I am lacking." Or maybe it's that they go hand in hand. Either way, it sent my head spinning and playing back random memories of relationships and situations where I lacked commitment/responsibility. So why not try and improve both!?
First goal: Commit to this blog for at least another 7 days in a row.
Over the last 7 years I've come up with different ideas and ways to handle things I've realized I haven't been able to - or wanted to - commit to. Examples: Eating better - drink water or tea instead of soda & cut out as much fast food. Spending money - when you want to go out and spend money, exercise instead. A win-win there, save money and get in better shape? Genius!
And now, write this blog in hopes of improving my life in multiple areas. I have to say, the first 24 hours have been pretty successful ;)
hmmm. I had a lot on my mind yesterday, but didn't get a chance to write it all down, and now I can't remember. I'll post it later if I do. For now, I need to get back to work!
Friday, June 12, 2009
Lame post title: Epiphany
Last night I was playi--- losing money I can't afford to lose at poker and drinking a few Newcastles, when I busted out for another $100! I had already lost about $260 and had my last hundred back up to $225. As I was walking to my car, frustrated and wishing I could literally kick my own ass - I thought about the scene from Me, Myself & Irene with Jim Carey where he did just that- I realized that I am living a life that I want to live, but I'm not currently at the point financially or mentally to live like that.
I've convinced myself that having $1000 in my account means that I have money to spend and that I can, at times, "hook a brotha up" with some drinks or some golf or go gamble for a bit. This is entirely untrue. Yes, I can afford to go out for drinks and a good time occasionally, but not for drinks three nights in a row, picking up the tab, golfing, gambling, eating out on top of having my regular expenses.
I have over $100k in student loans still. I have some credit card debt. I have taxes I haven't paid. I owe money to my business partner. I can't afford SHIT, yet I like to give advice to everyone else on "saving" and paying off CC debt and... So there's the financial aspect of why I am not ready to live like I want.
The mental aspect is the toughest part to cope with. I've always thought of myself as mentally sound, except between holes 1 and 18, and more mature than most people my age, when really, I'm just quite "typical." I've been delusional within myself, downplaying the actual costs of my actions, not just monetarily, and amplifying my ability to understand and dish out advice on the same subject.
So now, I'm going to be honest with myself and try to commit to something I've been struggling with since sophomore year of college: responsibility. (As silly as it is, that was really tough for me to admit.)
This is the beginning of me displaying this struggle for the public to see, so I can't lie to myself or friends, so I can see and review what I say I'm going to do instead of just "forgetting" about it and to commit to it once and for all!
Kyle
I've convinced myself that having $1000 in my account means that I have money to spend and that I can, at times, "hook a brotha up" with some drinks or some golf or go gamble for a bit. This is entirely untrue. Yes, I can afford to go out for drinks and a good time occasionally, but not for drinks three nights in a row, picking up the tab, golfing, gambling, eating out on top of having my regular expenses.
I have over $100k in student loans still. I have some credit card debt. I have taxes I haven't paid. I owe money to my business partner. I can't afford SHIT, yet I like to give advice to everyone else on "saving" and paying off CC debt and... So there's the financial aspect of why I am not ready to live like I want.
The mental aspect is the toughest part to cope with. I've always thought of myself as mentally sound, except between holes 1 and 18, and more mature than most people my age, when really, I'm just quite "typical." I've been delusional within myself, downplaying the actual costs of my actions, not just monetarily, and amplifying my ability to understand and dish out advice on the same subject.
So now, I'm going to be honest with myself and try to commit to something I've been struggling with since sophomore year of college: responsibility. (As silly as it is, that was really tough for me to admit.)
This is the beginning of me displaying this struggle for the public to see, so I can't lie to myself or friends, so I can see and review what I say I'm going to do instead of just "forgetting" about it and to commit to it once and for all!
Kyle
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
