I woke up today well before I had to get up, so I went back to bed, which always ends up with me waking up late. Rushing to get ready for work is just NOT the right way to start the day off. However, having NO traffic and making it to work on time quickly evens things back out.
Work was frustrating today. I made a stupid error in accounting - why is putting the right year so difficult to remember? - and posted some stuff that was supposed to go into 2009, into 2010, then when trying to fix it while talking on the phone, managed to royal screw things up. I spent much of the day trying to rectify this error, as well as do the other "Thursday" tasks.
On top of working, I was trying to coordinate a pseudo-reunion with a group of friends I used to hang it with in high school. I think it's 90% finalized and should be an awesome time. From what I gathered from the responses, everyone is as equally excited as I am!
After work I came home and made some chili and cornbread and watch the NCAA Championship football game, hoping Texas would think they had a shot only to get CRUSHED! I could have gone to a friends house and enjoyed THEIR chili, and in hindsight probably should have as they had brownies for dessert, but decided to relax at home instead.
Now it's about 10:30 and apart from some good conversations with new friends, there's not much going on, both upstairs and in my house. I think I'll end the day doing something I love doing: watching stupid funny videos. Until tomorrow, there's day 7 of 365.
Thursday, January 7, 2010
1.6.10
Today was the first day in a long time that I woke up happy and excited. What a great way to begin. I could only hope that by the end of the day, I'd feel the same way.
There wasn't much thought or action for the first part of the day, as it was just work and I was fairly busy. I spent my lunch eating in my car while sitting the car wash, which is always exciting, then cleaned out my car. Having a new car makes me want to keep it clean, unlike old Geraldine that I only washed once every six months. It also makes it more comfortable to be in. After that, I went back to work and, that's right, worked! Little did I know, I was going to become even more happy.
Being a new year, we finally got to the first payroll. After going through to check every one's vacation time to determine if anyone was getting an increase, we discovered that I was due for an increase in vacation time as of 1/1/09, which was never given to me. That means that I now have about a full week of vacation time in my back pocket. This made me ecstatic. I may be able to actually use that free round trip flight anywhere JetBlue flies that I received from Amex!
Feeling even happier than when I woke up, I hopped on the freeway for a LONG drive up to Studio City for dinner and great wine as well as the always great company. The wine, as always, was GREAT. It was a blend that the host made himself and it was so smooth! I could have spent the rest of the night drinking it, but other plans were on the mind of some of my company. I said goodbye, and drove down to my favorite place right now, Cowboy Country.
It was still early, about 9:00, when we got there and most of "the regulars" were there. I spent the next two hours or so two-stepping, cha-cha-ing, and line dancing. Another great end to a great day. Doing something I love to do to end the day may just have to be a new nightly occurrence.
I didn't spend too much time thinking about what I'll be doing come the end of my job here, but it was discussed briefly during dinner. I seem to be leaning heavily towards trying to get into grad school. I probably need to get into working on that process fairly soon. But for now, I'm exhausted from dancing, driving and dining so it's time to sleep. Until tomorrow, there's day 6 of 365.
There wasn't much thought or action for the first part of the day, as it was just work and I was fairly busy. I spent my lunch eating in my car while sitting the car wash, which is always exciting, then cleaned out my car. Having a new car makes me want to keep it clean, unlike old Geraldine that I only washed once every six months. It also makes it more comfortable to be in. After that, I went back to work and, that's right, worked! Little did I know, I was going to become even more happy.
Being a new year, we finally got to the first payroll. After going through to check every one's vacation time to determine if anyone was getting an increase, we discovered that I was due for an increase in vacation time as of 1/1/09, which was never given to me. That means that I now have about a full week of vacation time in my back pocket. This made me ecstatic. I may be able to actually use that free round trip flight anywhere JetBlue flies that I received from Amex!
Feeling even happier than when I woke up, I hopped on the freeway for a LONG drive up to Studio City for dinner and great wine as well as the always great company. The wine, as always, was GREAT. It was a blend that the host made himself and it was so smooth! I could have spent the rest of the night drinking it, but other plans were on the mind of some of my company. I said goodbye, and drove down to my favorite place right now, Cowboy Country.
It was still early, about 9:00, when we got there and most of "the regulars" were there. I spent the next two hours or so two-stepping, cha-cha-ing, and line dancing. Another great end to a great day. Doing something I love to do to end the day may just have to be a new nightly occurrence.
I didn't spend too much time thinking about what I'll be doing come the end of my job here, but it was discussed briefly during dinner. I seem to be leaning heavily towards trying to get into grad school. I probably need to get into working on that process fairly soon. But for now, I'm exhausted from dancing, driving and dining so it's time to sleep. Until tomorrow, there's day 6 of 365.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
1.5.10
Goooooooooood evening. Today was a good day. And after typing that, all I think about is the Black Eyed Peas song, which is both irritatingly catchy and a song that actually makes me want to dance! In fact I think I'll play it in the background while I write. Random, yes. Relevant, not really. MAZEL TOV! (L'CHAIM)
Being that Tuesdays are my Mondays, the day was off to a bad start whether I thought it was going to be bad or not. Although I'm grateful for having a job, it's definitely got no future. Going to work makes me think about what I'm going to do this year when the job is no longer there. Long story short, the company will most likely be going out of business...again. This semi-certain future has got me stressing, worrying, and hopeful.
Recently, I've felt lost on where I am in my life and where I'm going. Knowing my job will be gone has given me a little hope in finding a real "career" and getting my "life" started. Like I said on day one, nothing really prepares you for that mid-to-late twenties period where the real rest of your life begins. Life was so much easier when it was scheduled for me.
I thought a little bit more about my options today, which include, but are not limited to, going to graduate school to get my Doctorate in Physical Therapy, getting a big corporate job, getting a job at a real estate brokerage to learn it a little better so I can help my brokerage run better, or just packing up and moving to a different state and see what I can do there. No matter what, 2010 spells change for me, and it's not just some resolution that I'll forget about in three weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't get too much time to think about this today, as I was more occupied with stressing about money, because I spent too much over the holidays and on stupid, unimportant things and fast food.
JUMP: However, after reading an email just now, I'll probably be alright.
After work, as with every Tuesday, I headed straight to volleyball. Something I've done for over fifteen years. After volleyball we all headed to Island's. Something we've done for the last year or so, maybe longer. We usually get a beer and eat, but today I got their passion fruit iced tea...times 6. I'm addicted to iced tea as evidenced by my only Christmas request: an iced tea brewer.
Those that know me may say I'm equally addicted to booze, and turning down a nice cold Stone IPA for iced tea wouldn't be in the realm of my capabilities, and to those people I say, "You're right." HOWEVER, I decided I'm going to cut WAY back on alcohol consumption. Beyond the typical health and financial reasons, one of the other reasons for this is to allow me to be mentally present in my free time to help me research and figure out what I'm going to do with my life this year. Instead of grabbing a beer or four and passing out on the couch, my hope is to have a little more energy and focus so that I can think about what I really want in life and for myself. From school to work to relationships. Time to grow up. So on that note, time to go pass out on the couch! ;) Don't judge! I'm still tired from the New Year's celebrations, ok? That whole "more energy and focus" part hasn't shown up yet. Until tomorrow, there's day 5 of 365 (and it was actually written on day five - shocking).
Being that Tuesdays are my Mondays, the day was off to a bad start whether I thought it was going to be bad or not. Although I'm grateful for having a job, it's definitely got no future. Going to work makes me think about what I'm going to do this year when the job is no longer there. Long story short, the company will most likely be going out of business...again. This semi-certain future has got me stressing, worrying, and hopeful.
Recently, I've felt lost on where I am in my life and where I'm going. Knowing my job will be gone has given me a little hope in finding a real "career" and getting my "life" started. Like I said on day one, nothing really prepares you for that mid-to-late twenties period where the real rest of your life begins. Life was so much easier when it was scheduled for me.
I thought a little bit more about my options today, which include, but are not limited to, going to graduate school to get my Doctorate in Physical Therapy, getting a big corporate job, getting a job at a real estate brokerage to learn it a little better so I can help my brokerage run better, or just packing up and moving to a different state and see what I can do there. No matter what, 2010 spells change for me, and it's not just some resolution that I'll forget about in three weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't get too much time to think about this today, as I was more occupied with stressing about money, because I spent too much over the holidays and on stupid, unimportant things and fast food.
JUMP: However, after reading an email just now, I'll probably be alright.
After work, as with every Tuesday, I headed straight to volleyball. Something I've done for over fifteen years. After volleyball we all headed to Island's. Something we've done for the last year or so, maybe longer. We usually get a beer and eat, but today I got their passion fruit iced tea...times 6. I'm addicted to iced tea as evidenced by my only Christmas request: an iced tea brewer.
Those that know me may say I'm equally addicted to booze, and turning down a nice cold Stone IPA for iced tea wouldn't be in the realm of my capabilities, and to those people I say, "You're right." HOWEVER, I decided I'm going to cut WAY back on alcohol consumption. Beyond the typical health and financial reasons, one of the other reasons for this is to allow me to be mentally present in my free time to help me research and figure out what I'm going to do with my life this year. Instead of grabbing a beer or four and passing out on the couch, my hope is to have a little more energy and focus so that I can think about what I really want in life and for myself. From school to work to relationships. Time to grow up. So on that note, time to go pass out on the couch! ;) Don't judge! I'm still tired from the New Year's celebrations, ok? That whole "more energy and focus" part hasn't shown up yet. Until tomorrow, there's day 5 of 365 (and it was actually written on day five - shocking).
1.4.10
Page four. It's amazing to me the myriad of emotions I've felt and been through in just four days. From depressed and lonely to breezing through the day relatively emotionless to being happy and enjoying every second of the day, life has got me utterly confused. I feel like I've been four different versions of myself and I'm still trying to figure out the best combination for myself. Today's variety, though, was awesome!
I woke up with my piece of junk iPhone - I love the iPhone, just not mine - vibrating on my nightstand - because my speaker blew out and no longer makes sound - thinking it was just my alarm, until I realized I was supposed to be playing golf! I picked up the phone, tried clearing my throat and did my best 'I'm just running late and totally did NOT just wake up because of this phone call' impression and said I was on my way out of the door as we speak. I hung up, brushed my teeth, got dressed, freaked out a little bit, and drove like a mad man to the golf course getting there with plenty of time. I then quickly calmed down so as not to let the chaotic morning affect my golf game (slash chance to win some of my money back from the prior week). I was feeling confident in my game and teed off with a nice shot down the fairway. Ahhh sweet relief for any golfer on the first tee.
I kept my cool for pretty much the entire round, and was playing some of the best golf I've ever played. I was saving pars from trees and sand traps and making those elusive four and five foot par putt saves. I even had five birdie attempts in the last six holes. While I made none of them - two lip-outs, one too hard, one too short and one three-putt - I still ended up shooting a 79, tying my best round there and my third best round ever! While I only earned $7 from my opponent - that scrappy bastard - I cashed in on him trying to impress his girlfriend as he picked up the tab for an awesome BBQ lunch at Lucilles.
Sitting at home, fat and happy, I relaxed and did some chores, perfectly content with being alone with nothing to do. Later in the afternoon my roommate, Jim, invited me to dinner with him, his girlfriend, Salli, her roommate, Johanna, Jim's friend Ryan. Recently, I've passed on these invitations for reasons I do not know, and I usually end up missing out on tons of fun. This time I agreed and it turned out to be great!
The five of us munched on fine Kraft cheese, freshly sliced with crackers, washing it down with a freshly bottled Mug Root Beer, as we waited for the ladies to finish cooking us their vegetarian taco pie. It was delish! We sat around making jokes and enjoying each others company. I felt like we were all part of some Indie movie. Strange, the thoughts that go on in my head.
After playing with a ceiling fan, some string and decorative aluminum holiday balls - don't ask - we decided to go bowling. For those of you that don't know me, I love bowling. What a PERFECT DAY! Golfing, winning money, free lunch, free dinner, great company, and ending it with BOWLING??? All that was missing was hookers and blow! Yes, that last part was a joke. Hopefully you'll get to know me and my sense of humor, if you don't already. Whoever "you"are.
After climbing into bed, I got my phone out and opened up a game, as I usually do to help me fall asleep. A distraction from my over-thinking mind. It turns out I didn't need it tonight. I was happy, tired, and ready to rest to see what day five would bring me. Until tomorrow, there's day 4 of 365.
I woke up with my piece of junk iPhone - I love the iPhone, just not mine - vibrating on my nightstand - because my speaker blew out and no longer makes sound - thinking it was just my alarm, until I realized I was supposed to be playing golf! I picked up the phone, tried clearing my throat and did my best 'I'm just running late and totally did NOT just wake up because of this phone call' impression and said I was on my way out of the door as we speak. I hung up, brushed my teeth, got dressed, freaked out a little bit, and drove like a mad man to the golf course getting there with plenty of time. I then quickly calmed down so as not to let the chaotic morning affect my golf game (slash chance to win some of my money back from the prior week). I was feeling confident in my game and teed off with a nice shot down the fairway. Ahhh sweet relief for any golfer on the first tee.
I kept my cool for pretty much the entire round, and was playing some of the best golf I've ever played. I was saving pars from trees and sand traps and making those elusive four and five foot par putt saves. I even had five birdie attempts in the last six holes. While I made none of them - two lip-outs, one too hard, one too short and one three-putt - I still ended up shooting a 79, tying my best round there and my third best round ever! While I only earned $7 from my opponent - that scrappy bastard - I cashed in on him trying to impress his girlfriend as he picked up the tab for an awesome BBQ lunch at Lucilles.
Sitting at home, fat and happy, I relaxed and did some chores, perfectly content with being alone with nothing to do. Later in the afternoon my roommate, Jim, invited me to dinner with him, his girlfriend, Salli, her roommate, Johanna, Jim's friend Ryan. Recently, I've passed on these invitations for reasons I do not know, and I usually end up missing out on tons of fun. This time I agreed and it turned out to be great!
The five of us munched on fine Kraft cheese, freshly sliced with crackers, washing it down with a freshly bottled Mug Root Beer, as we waited for the ladies to finish cooking us their vegetarian taco pie. It was delish! We sat around making jokes and enjoying each others company. I felt like we were all part of some Indie movie. Strange, the thoughts that go on in my head.
After playing with a ceiling fan, some string and decorative aluminum holiday balls - don't ask - we decided to go bowling. For those of you that don't know me, I love bowling. What a PERFECT DAY! Golfing, winning money, free lunch, free dinner, great company, and ending it with BOWLING??? All that was missing was hookers and blow! Yes, that last part was a joke. Hopefully you'll get to know me and my sense of humor, if you don't already. Whoever "you"are.
After climbing into bed, I got my phone out and opened up a game, as I usually do to help me fall asleep. A distraction from my over-thinking mind. It turns out I didn't need it tonight. I was happy, tired, and ready to rest to see what day five would bring me. Until tomorrow, there's day 4 of 365.
Monday, January 4, 2010
1.3.10
Yeah yeah. Day three being written on day four will definitely skew some of the memories and emotions, as time has passed and I don't remember things that well anymore; 26 is oooooold!
I don't have much to say for day three as most of the day was spent at the CSULB New Year's Classic Volleyball tournament. This is how my day went from 9am - 4pm: Play volleyball, sit, drink beer, warm up for volleyball, and then repeat and feel progressively "old" and out of shape. Thankfully, I had been playing some volleyball the last few weeks so I could at least look like I knew what I was doing. I ended up playing pretty well and it felt great both mentally and physically. It's given me a little more confidence in myself, but also verified to me that I am, indeed, "old" and out of shape. I also spent the day with my best friend and his girlfriend. An added bonus.
After volleyball I came home and did some laundry, started to feel a little lonely, and realized I didn't need someone around me all day. That's just strange. I sat on the couch, ate some amazing Eastside Mario's leftovers, passed out until 2 in the morning and went to bed without setting my alarm for golf this morning. I guess this is where page three ends huh? I can't wait to read whether or not I made it to golf! Such a cliffhanger! Until tomorrow, there's day 3 of 365.
I don't have much to say for day three as most of the day was spent at the CSULB New Year's Classic Volleyball tournament. This is how my day went from 9am - 4pm: Play volleyball, sit, drink beer, warm up for volleyball, and then repeat and feel progressively "old" and out of shape. Thankfully, I had been playing some volleyball the last few weeks so I could at least look like I knew what I was doing. I ended up playing pretty well and it felt great both mentally and physically. It's given me a little more confidence in myself, but also verified to me that I am, indeed, "old" and out of shape. I also spent the day with my best friend and his girlfriend. An added bonus.
After volleyball I came home and did some laundry, started to feel a little lonely, and realized I didn't need someone around me all day. That's just strange. I sat on the couch, ate some amazing Eastside Mario's leftovers, passed out until 2 in the morning and went to bed without setting my alarm for golf this morning. I guess this is where page three ends huh? I can't wait to read whether or not I made it to golf! Such a cliffhanger! Until tomorrow, there's day 3 of 365.
Sunday, January 3, 2010
1.2.10
Day two began where day one left off. I went to work slightly hungover and unmotivated, only to gain many more emotions that I didn't want to feel; anger, annoyance, depression, confusion, helplessness, etc. This is what happens when you hear stories of your fucked up family. I apologize for the language, but that is the most appropriate way of describing my family so that you're not left questioning what I really mean.
I won't get into the details, though, so don't worry. As the day moved on, things started improving. I was invited to dinner with my best friend, which was both surprising and awesome (dumplings! mmm). I treated myself to some new boots and some clothes. And finally I went out dancing. I ended the night on a good note and I feel great going into tomorrow.
Hmmm. Interesting that my page is significantly shorter when I'm happy. Or maybe it's the fact that I have to be up in 5 hours to play a volleyball tournament. Either way, I have 363 other days to make up for this short page ;). Until tomorrow... Brad, there's day 2 of 365.
I won't get into the details, though, so don't worry. As the day moved on, things started improving. I was invited to dinner with my best friend, which was both surprising and awesome (dumplings! mmm). I treated myself to some new boots and some clothes. And finally I went out dancing. I ended the night on a good note and I feel great going into tomorrow.
Hmmm. Interesting that my page is significantly shorter when I'm happy. Or maybe it's the fact that I have to be up in 5 hours to play a volleyball tournament. Either way, I have 363 other days to make up for this short page ;). Until tomorrow... Brad, there's day 2 of 365.
Saturday, January 2, 2010
1.1.10 - Welcome to the Present
Last night - new years eve - Brad Paisley's last tweet was, "Tomorrow, is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Write a good one." It inspired me. If not for the entire year, at least temporarily. So, here it goes. This is the first post of my 365 page book. Welcome to the present!
Going into 2010 I already had expectations. Knowing that my job will be gone and I'll have to find a new one or pick a different path was already stressing me out. (Keep in mind I'm kind of buzzed writing this post...it's been a quasi crappy way to start the new year.). I THOUGHT my new year was going to start out ideal; golfing in the morning, a little lunch, a nap and some college football, dinner and some dancing at a "new" venue for me. Perhaps even meet a few new people.
After staying out until 130-200 am, and getting up at 645 for golf, I was really excited for what this new year had to bring. However, once I got to the golf course and realized the people that were supposed to be there were not there, the day turned from awesome to depressing in no time. I thought I was going to start it with friends and one of my favorite things to do, when instead I was alone and had nothing to do. I couldn't help but feel as I had been feeling for the last few weeks: alone and depressed.
I went home and watched some of the Rose Parade, reminiscing about the many parades I had marched as Trojan, and wishing life were as "simple" as it was in college. It got me thinking about how there are so many movies about High School angst and Mid-Life crises, but not so many about the people that are still struggling with what to do after college, and before they're married with children. Where does one turn to? Especially being the only one to go to college. Who do I go to for advice? I'm lost and I don't know who to turn to.
After sitting around the house sulking in silence, desperately staring at my phone for SOMEONE to text or call, I gave up on the year already. I went to dinner with my roommate, once he came home, and although he had no clue, it was the happiest moment of my day.
We came home, and in a food stupor, I fell asleep for a few hours. Doing absolutely nothing and thinking about how you have nothing do is exhausting.
After my "nap" I sat around debating on whether or not to go out dancing. For those that don't know, I'm a country music fan and love two-stepping and line dancing, even though I'm mediocre at best. I sat around having an argument with myself that went something like this: "If you just keep sleeping, you'll be just fine. But if you go out, you may meet some new people that enjoy doing what you do and make 2010 different than 2009." This went on for about 45 minutes before I decided to actually go out.
I arrived at Incahoots, a local country music bar. I met up with some of my friends from Cowboy Country, which is a place I frequent at least once a month. After having a few drinks, I still sat there intimidated by the younger crowd and feeling like I couldn't compete for anyone's attention and didn't have the "moves" to have the ladies come approach me! ;) I started to think again. "This year sucks. I suck. I got no confidence and nothing is different. I can't even come up with an excuse to change things!!"
After another couple drinks and a few dances I knew, I went out and at least enjoyed myself. However, I'm still stuck struggling with what to do with myself, who I am and how to get through all this without sounding like a depressed, disfunctional human being that masks his lack of confidence and strength with jokes and a fake smile. I need to change this.
If I plan on making 2010 the best year of my life, I've got a lot of work to do. Well Brad, there's day 1 of 365.
Going into 2010 I already had expectations. Knowing that my job will be gone and I'll have to find a new one or pick a different path was already stressing me out. (Keep in mind I'm kind of buzzed writing this post...it's been a quasi crappy way to start the new year.). I THOUGHT my new year was going to start out ideal; golfing in the morning, a little lunch, a nap and some college football, dinner and some dancing at a "new" venue for me. Perhaps even meet a few new people.
After staying out until 130-200 am, and getting up at 645 for golf, I was really excited for what this new year had to bring. However, once I got to the golf course and realized the people that were supposed to be there were not there, the day turned from awesome to depressing in no time. I thought I was going to start it with friends and one of my favorite things to do, when instead I was alone and had nothing to do. I couldn't help but feel as I had been feeling for the last few weeks: alone and depressed.
I went home and watched some of the Rose Parade, reminiscing about the many parades I had marched as Trojan, and wishing life were as "simple" as it was in college. It got me thinking about how there are so many movies about High School angst and Mid-Life crises, but not so many about the people that are still struggling with what to do after college, and before they're married with children. Where does one turn to? Especially being the only one to go to college. Who do I go to for advice? I'm lost and I don't know who to turn to.
After sitting around the house sulking in silence, desperately staring at my phone for SOMEONE to text or call, I gave up on the year already. I went to dinner with my roommate, once he came home, and although he had no clue, it was the happiest moment of my day.
We came home, and in a food stupor, I fell asleep for a few hours. Doing absolutely nothing and thinking about how you have nothing do is exhausting.
After my "nap" I sat around debating on whether or not to go out dancing. For those that don't know, I'm a country music fan and love two-stepping and line dancing, even though I'm mediocre at best. I sat around having an argument with myself that went something like this: "If you just keep sleeping, you'll be just fine. But if you go out, you may meet some new people that enjoy doing what you do and make 2010 different than 2009." This went on for about 45 minutes before I decided to actually go out.
I arrived at Incahoots, a local country music bar. I met up with some of my friends from Cowboy Country, which is a place I frequent at least once a month. After having a few drinks, I still sat there intimidated by the younger crowd and feeling like I couldn't compete for anyone's attention and didn't have the "moves" to have the ladies come approach me! ;) I started to think again. "This year sucks. I suck. I got no confidence and nothing is different. I can't even come up with an excuse to change things!!"
After another couple drinks and a few dances I knew, I went out and at least enjoyed myself. However, I'm still stuck struggling with what to do with myself, who I am and how to get through all this without sounding like a depressed, disfunctional human being that masks his lack of confidence and strength with jokes and a fake smile. I need to change this.
If I plan on making 2010 the best year of my life, I've got a lot of work to do. Well Brad, there's day 1 of 365.
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