Last night Shilo wasn't able to stand up again. She tried and tried, but the back legs wouldn't work. She was yelping and barking for help. So my dad, Jim and Marissa (thank you btw) went with me to the vet. She could have received some steroid injections as well as some crazy treatment that may or may not have worked. Or there was the other option.
Given her quality of life lately, and the pain I'm sure she was in as well as staring into her eyes and seeing how tired she was, I elected the other option.
It was really hard to do, and I still haven't fully let it sink in, but I sat there with her and said goodbye. I blink right now and I see her sitting there, but then I think about all the good times we had, and how she's not in pain now. I'm sure I may write another post on Wednesday when I have to put the dog house and bed out for trash night. Just wanted to update everyone.
I love you Shilo!
Monday, July 20, 2009
Friday, July 17, 2009
Failed responsibility
I remember the first day I saw my dog. I was going to a dog training class with my best friend in the world, at that time, Ashley. Side note-I proposed to this girl during an assembly in the 1st grade. She had this little terrier. The trainer came with a dog that she hand found stray around the 4th of July. She asked if anyone there would want it, as she couldn't take on ANOTHER dog. My eyes lit up! I asked my parents and we brought her home for a trial day or two. The first thing she did was run around the backyard and fall into the pond haha. My parents ended up letting me have her. This was when I was in 6th grade. 1995. We named her Shilo after the Neil Diamond song.
Ashley and I would continue on together in the training. We also used to take our dogs out with rollerblades (they were still cool then) and Shilo would pull me almost faster than I wanted to go. We'd go around the elementary schools and Shilo would stand on two legs and drink out of the drinking fountain, then off we went again. She would chase the hose around yapping at it. She would play with an old bouy we tied to a rope on the tree. She listened. She protected our house from flying bugs, birds, people etc.
I went away to college and since that time, I have completely neglected Shilo. Very rarely was she bathed, walked or even pet. She's now about 15-16 years old.
So today I went to feed her and decided I would give her some wet food on top of the same old dry food she eats day in and day out. She came around the corner, nearly deaf and kind of stumbled trying to stand and eat her food. She ended up sitting, looking at me. I moved the food closer to her and she ate there for a few seconds, then tried to stand and almost fell over. She sat again and ate what she could. She then tried to stand again and stumbled a few steps and laid down. Her face still looking healthy and colorful. She tried to get up again, walked a few steps and laid down, almost as if she meant to lay right there in that spot.
I left for work and I'm afraid of what I may have to do tonight or tomorrow. I know she's "old" but had I realized the responsibility that I am now trying to possess, she would still be "old" but in better condition. Had she still gone on walks, had baths, had a decent place to live (we've seen pictures of what my backyard WAS looking like) she may be healthier and potentially die happier. No matter what happens, I will always have my memories with my first pet as vivid as anything. And I know I'll always have the song to remind me of her. If I spoke dog, I'd say I'm sorry for "forgetting" about her and not giving her the attention I used to give her. I love you Shilo. :(
Neil Diamond's -Shilo
Young child with dreams
Dream, every dream on your own
When children play
Seems like you end up alone
Papa says hed love to be with you
If he had the time
So you turn to the only friend you can find
There in your mind
(my favorite part, the chorus)
Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
And we'd play
Young girl with fire (reminds me of her red hair)
Something said she understood
I wanted to fly
She made me feel like I could
Held out my hand, and I let her take me
Blind as a child (reminds me of her pulling me on my rollerblades)
All I saw was the way that she made me smile
She made me smile
Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
And yo'ud stay
Had a dream, and it filled me with wonder
She had other plans
Got to go, and I know youll understand
I understand
Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
Come today
Ashley and I would continue on together in the training. We also used to take our dogs out with rollerblades (they were still cool then) and Shilo would pull me almost faster than I wanted to go. We'd go around the elementary schools and Shilo would stand on two legs and drink out of the drinking fountain, then off we went again. She would chase the hose around yapping at it. She would play with an old bouy we tied to a rope on the tree. She listened. She protected our house from flying bugs, birds, people etc.
I went away to college and since that time, I have completely neglected Shilo. Very rarely was she bathed, walked or even pet. She's now about 15-16 years old.
So today I went to feed her and decided I would give her some wet food on top of the same old dry food she eats day in and day out. She came around the corner, nearly deaf and kind of stumbled trying to stand and eat her food. She ended up sitting, looking at me. I moved the food closer to her and she ate there for a few seconds, then tried to stand and almost fell over. She sat again and ate what she could. She then tried to stand again and stumbled a few steps and laid down. Her face still looking healthy and colorful. She tried to get up again, walked a few steps and laid down, almost as if she meant to lay right there in that spot.
I left for work and I'm afraid of what I may have to do tonight or tomorrow. I know she's "old" but had I realized the responsibility that I am now trying to possess, she would still be "old" but in better condition. Had she still gone on walks, had baths, had a decent place to live (we've seen pictures of what my backyard WAS looking like) she may be healthier and potentially die happier. No matter what happens, I will always have my memories with my first pet as vivid as anything. And I know I'll always have the song to remind me of her. If I spoke dog, I'd say I'm sorry for "forgetting" about her and not giving her the attention I used to give her. I love you Shilo. :(
Neil Diamond's -Shilo
Young child with dreams
Dream, every dream on your own
When children play
Seems like you end up alone
Papa says hed love to be with you
If he had the time
So you turn to the only friend you can find
There in your mind
(my favorite part, the chorus)
Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
And we'd play
Young girl with fire (reminds me of her red hair)
Something said she understood
I wanted to fly
She made me feel like I could
Held out my hand, and I let her take me
Blind as a child (reminds me of her pulling me on my rollerblades)
All I saw was the way that she made me smile
She made me smile
Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
And yo'ud stay
Had a dream, and it filled me with wonder
She had other plans
Got to go, and I know youll understand
I understand
Shilo, when I was young
I used to call your name
When no one else would come
Shilo, you always came
Come today
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Operation Sibling Success
Since my blog yesterday has created so much drama and such strong feelings. How about we consider this an intervention. Instead of judging how I did things, why doesn't everyone who feels like my sister needs help, step up and say something? I got the ball rolling, now anyone who wants to offer help, voice an opinion, give some guidance should step up. I know you all agree that what I said was true, whether it was "right" or "wrong" is your OPINION. Keep in mind one thing; IF I DIDN'T CARE AT ALL, WHY WOULD I BE SPENDING ALL THIS TIME ON IT?
As you know, you can leave anonymous comments. I've done the attacking, you can offer the help and support. Show her that there are people that care and you want to see her follow through with gaining independence. A simple, "I think you can do it" or "I can offer to babysit on Sundays." My only concern is that she has taken advantage of everyone who has helped so far! Me. My dad. My mom. My Aunt. etc.
I've done all I can do!
As you know, you can leave anonymous comments. I've done the attacking, you can offer the help and support. Show her that there are people that care and you want to see her follow through with gaining independence. A simple, "I think you can do it" or "I can offer to babysit on Sundays." My only concern is that she has taken advantage of everyone who has helped so far! Me. My dad. My mom. My Aunt. etc.
I've done all I can do!
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Challenge
If I said anything that wasn't true, I challenge you to prove me wrong. Prove it! Don't make an excuse. Prove it over the long run. Prove that the children are your #1 priority and if there's any time left after you get situated, then maybe you can find a man. I can bet you anything though that nothing will change, and if it does, it will only be temporary. So shove all your excuses up your ass and grow up! If other people can do it, so can you!
Example 1 from someone who is my age!
When I left my kids dad, I came back to Orange County from Nevada. I had not worked since I was pregnant with my first child (about 3 years). I came home and lived with my mom, within a week, I got into a program run by the state called welfare to work. They provided me with food stamps cash aid, resume and interviewing classes and child care, With in a month and a half of all that, I was employed and paying my own way. I still lived with my mom but paid her rent and bought all my own stuff. The only thing the state still helped out with was child care.
Example 2
My parents watch my daughter so I can work...I don't really get to date so I can't help you with that. My child and my job are my first priorities.
Example 3
My Dad watched my daughter for like the first 6 months...then I worked to pay day care pretty much. Then I was promoted. Then I got a girlfriend that paid half the rent. Then I changed jobs twice & got promoted a couple more times. Then she watched my kids & hers while I worked. I keep the 'dates' away from the kids until I feel like the person might be around a while. I don't want my kids getting too attached to someone I wasn't sure of and I didn't want them around some freak show
Moral: Kids and job are the top priorities. Dating comes in dead last. Working to pay for day care is worth it. You should eventually get promoted and progress from there. You don't deserve a well paying job. You got to start out as the lowest on the totem pole and work your way up. You don't deserve anything. You EARN it! Get your priorities straight and grow up. I DARE you to take this challenge. And I can't wait to say I told you so in the end!
Example 1 from someone who is my age!
When I left my kids dad, I came back to Orange County from Nevada. I had not worked since I was pregnant with my first child (about 3 years). I came home and lived with my mom, within a week, I got into a program run by the state called welfare to work. They provided me with food stamps cash aid, resume and interviewing classes and child care, With in a month and a half of all that, I was employed and paying my own way. I still lived with my mom but paid her rent and bought all my own stuff. The only thing the state still helped out with was child care.
Example 2
My parents watch my daughter so I can work...I don't really get to date so I can't help you with that. My child and my job are my first priorities.
Example 3
My Dad watched my daughter for like the first 6 months...then I worked to pay day care pretty much. Then I was promoted. Then I got a girlfriend that paid half the rent. Then I changed jobs twice & got promoted a couple more times. Then she watched my kids & hers while I worked. I keep the 'dates' away from the kids until I feel like the person might be around a while. I don't want my kids getting too attached to someone I wasn't sure of and I didn't want them around some freak show
Moral: Kids and job are the top priorities. Dating comes in dead last. Working to pay for day care is worth it. You should eventually get promoted and progress from there. You don't deserve a well paying job. You got to start out as the lowest on the totem pole and work your way up. You don't deserve anything. You EARN it! Get your priorities straight and grow up. I DARE you to take this challenge. And I can't wait to say I told you so in the end!
Life isn't always positive
So, as you could probably assume, goal #7, expressing feelings, can't ALWAYS be positive feelings. This time, it's angry. This post will be a mixture of my idea of a plan for someone and my feelings about why I am coming up with this plan. It's not going to be a typical Kyle post, because I'm pissed.
Preface: I love my parents. I love my niece and nephew. All things that I couldn't choose to have in my life, but I would in a heartbeat and love them nonetheless.
My parents, are great people, but rather weak in one particular aspect. Well, three if you count my mom's weakness around a casino and my dad's around a golf course. But when it comes to my sister, they're the weakest of all. I find it absolutely amazing that they're still taking care of 32 year old and her two kids, with no end in sight, and no plan to dictate an end. She's not disabled, has no handicaps, and is perfectly healthy, yet here they are still raising her. This isn't something new though. This is something that we've been trying to deal with for years. But now, given financial situations, it's gone on too long. Before I get too far, Mom and Dad, I'm sorry. I know you'll be upset.
Let me break down the Sister-Cycle.
1. Find a man.
2. Use him until you find something wrong with him.
3. Keep him around until you find a new man.
4. Dump first man.
5. Have a moment of "strength" and "independence." This is where there is a vow to "be my own person" and "get my life straight" and "move out and be on my own." This usually lasts about 1-3 weeks, then it's back on a dating site and trying desperately to find a new man. The kids get 1-3 weeks of mildly better treatment, but then the focus is back on the next man that will allow her to be jobless for the next 3 years.
6. Move on to next man.
7. Rinse and repeat. I find it eerily similar to what people do for work at a place called the bunny ranch.
She recently started a blog, here, which shows shes in step 5 currently. It claims to be something along the lines of learning from the past and making a better future, but it looks more like complaining that she doesn't get a life because of kids and a vent directed at other people versus actually making a change and creating goals for herself. It won't be long before money that isn't there is being spent on a subscription to a dating site.
Brief background. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has tried to "help" with a zero percent success rate. I put myself out there about 2 years ago. Put together a plan. A schedule for her and her daughter for school and play time. Negotiated credit cards so they would stop calling my parents. Paid her target bill. Had consequences to actions. Put a financial plan and budget together. All of this, only to find out one month later that she had been hiding a planned pregnancy from my dad and I.
Now, 2 years later, still living with my parents (abouuuut 6 years and running now), and in step 5 of the cycle, it's only a matter of days before the search is on for the next new man, the kids are pushed aside, Hailey has daddy #3 (its been a new one every 2.5 years or so), and my parents endure another 3 years of financial "obligation" to their daughter. I think it was after Hailey's real dad left, that I saw a headline for my sisters Match.com profile read, "I'm looking for Mr. Right, but in the meantime, I'll take Mr. Right Now!" A sure-fire way to find a real pick of the litter to be the next father figure for your daughter. Oh and another time later on, when she was on the phone, and Hailey came in, took a drink of the energy drink, and poured it out because she thought it was "bad." Well mommy bad-mouthed the "stupid little shit" when she was standing in front of me, and IIII got to watch the "stupid little shit's" eyes fill up with tears as she ran off to her bedroom. The worst part was that Hailey told me that she accidently poked herself in the eyes and that's why she was crying. Obviously the phone call about the guy she was talking to was more important than raising a child.
The main reason for this is my mom. She refuses to allow any discussions about my sister and defends her any time someone brings it up. MOM! SHE'S 32. ARE YOU GOING TO SUPPORT HER UNTIL SHES 64? Enough is enough. Cut the strings! DO SOMETHING! You can't say you're proud of raising this!
Here's a simple plan to at least let her learn some responsibility, even though I can probably guarantee there's an excuse for every one of them from her.
Phone: You gave dad $60 for two months and he added you to his line. We all know after two months, he's not going to get paid again. I suggest that he give the $60 back, and you go get a prepaid phone. No money = no phone. Be responsible enough to control your own PERKS in life. The schools need a phone # for emergency, use dad's.
Food: Use your money to get food for the kids. If you've got extra, then get some for yourself. If not, ASK the parents if you can use theirs. If they say ok, repay it when you can or with cleaning or doing something around the house. If they're going to continue to let you eat with no paying, you should be cooking EVERY night. Earn your keep. You're not 12 anymore! You get food stamps or whatever, you use it and live off of it until you EARN something better.
Room & Board: If they're letting you stay for free, you better keep that place spotless. You know damn well that if it were just mom and dad, like it should be, that house would be spotless. Like it was before you moved in. You know how dad is. I don't care if you "pickup" or do whatever, S-P-O-T-L-E-S-S is how it should be! Especially with being virtually unemployed! It's your kids that are making it dirty.
Bills: I know mom and dad have paid some of your debt off, and I know you still got bills. Time to cut out all the stupid stuff you spend money on. No, you DON'T get to go out drinking. No, you don't get to go out to dinner. NO YOU DON'T GET TO JOIN A DATING SITE! NO YOU DON'T GET TO GO ON A DATE! You have $20, send it towards a bill! Be responsible. Let mom and dad give you an allowance! Any money you have, you give to them as rent. They can then give you an allowance if what you want is worth it. You obviously can't handle any money you do get!
Kids: Structure and positive reinforcement. I don't care what you "say" when I'm there, there is no such thing. Get off your ass and be a damn parent! When your child almost drowns, don't go on a rant about how you're a "Shitty fuckin mother" and point out someone else who has a kid in the pool. SEE IF YOUR KID IS FUCKING ALIVE! And then to downplay it and say he was only under a second, and you were watching him? So what, he could have gone another 3 seconds before you put your cigarette down and jumped in the pool? lol You are undeserving and unfit to be a mother. You're a selfsih mooch who cares about having a man more than anything. Without a man, you have no excuse but to do it on your own. Solution: Teach them something. Have positive play time with BOTH kids. Let the siblings PLAY TOGETHER! Or work out something where you actually get a job and grow up. I don't get how you doesn't understand WHY Hailey doesn't do anything you asks her to. It's because she knows she's going to get in trouble regardless, so why not keep doing what she's doing? You did the same thing with dad. You knew he was going to criticize HOW you did, so why do it at all?
When I started this, I thought that somehow, some way, something would resonate, and I could gain a sister I would choose, but something tells me this was just another 30 minutes wasted. Why would someone change after 32 years? It's hard enough for me to commit to the little things I'm trying to do, like the lawn. Why would a 32 year that hasn't had to work hard for anything, want to give that up. So long as people enable her, it will just continue on. And my parents wonder why I never want to go out and visit them. It's because I can't just visit you two, I have to visit everyone and sitting there listening to Hailey get yelled at drives me nuts!
Well, now that it's out there. Let's see what happens. I may have just ostracized myself from my own family. I just don't see why my parents have become so weak! I know they don't want this. My dad is too afraid of my mom, and my mom is on another planet when it comes to my sister.
Help needs to happen. But we've exhausted our energy on her. It needs to happen now, before my niece and nephew grow up to be drug dealers and strippers because their mom is too busy with the next man.
Preface: I love my parents. I love my niece and nephew. All things that I couldn't choose to have in my life, but I would in a heartbeat and love them nonetheless.
My parents, are great people, but rather weak in one particular aspect. Well, three if you count my mom's weakness around a casino and my dad's around a golf course. But when it comes to my sister, they're the weakest of all. I find it absolutely amazing that they're still taking care of 32 year old and her two kids, with no end in sight, and no plan to dictate an end. She's not disabled, has no handicaps, and is perfectly healthy, yet here they are still raising her. This isn't something new though. This is something that we've been trying to deal with for years. But now, given financial situations, it's gone on too long. Before I get too far, Mom and Dad, I'm sorry. I know you'll be upset.
Let me break down the Sister-Cycle.
1. Find a man.
2. Use him until you find something wrong with him.
3. Keep him around until you find a new man.
4. Dump first man.
5. Have a moment of "strength" and "independence." This is where there is a vow to "be my own person" and "get my life straight" and "move out and be on my own." This usually lasts about 1-3 weeks, then it's back on a dating site and trying desperately to find a new man. The kids get 1-3 weeks of mildly better treatment, but then the focus is back on the next man that will allow her to be jobless for the next 3 years.
6. Move on to next man.
7. Rinse and repeat. I find it eerily similar to what people do for work at a place called the bunny ranch.
She recently started a blog, here, which shows shes in step 5 currently. It claims to be something along the lines of learning from the past and making a better future, but it looks more like complaining that she doesn't get a life because of kids and a vent directed at other people versus actually making a change and creating goals for herself. It won't be long before money that isn't there is being spent on a subscription to a dating site.
Brief background. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has tried to "help" with a zero percent success rate. I put myself out there about 2 years ago. Put together a plan. A schedule for her and her daughter for school and play time. Negotiated credit cards so they would stop calling my parents. Paid her target bill. Had consequences to actions. Put a financial plan and budget together. All of this, only to find out one month later that she had been hiding a planned pregnancy from my dad and I.
Now, 2 years later, still living with my parents (abouuuut 6 years and running now), and in step 5 of the cycle, it's only a matter of days before the search is on for the next new man, the kids are pushed aside, Hailey has daddy #3 (its been a new one every 2.5 years or so), and my parents endure another 3 years of financial "obligation" to their daughter. I think it was after Hailey's real dad left, that I saw a headline for my sisters Match.com profile read, "I'm looking for Mr. Right, but in the meantime, I'll take Mr. Right Now!" A sure-fire way to find a real pick of the litter to be the next father figure for your daughter. Oh and another time later on, when she was on the phone, and Hailey came in, took a drink of the energy drink, and poured it out because she thought it was "bad." Well mommy bad-mouthed the "stupid little shit" when she was standing in front of me, and IIII got to watch the "stupid little shit's" eyes fill up with tears as she ran off to her bedroom. The worst part was that Hailey told me that she accidently poked herself in the eyes and that's why she was crying. Obviously the phone call about the guy she was talking to was more important than raising a child.
The main reason for this is my mom. She refuses to allow any discussions about my sister and defends her any time someone brings it up. MOM! SHE'S 32. ARE YOU GOING TO SUPPORT HER UNTIL SHES 64? Enough is enough. Cut the strings! DO SOMETHING! You can't say you're proud of raising this!
Here's a simple plan to at least let her learn some responsibility, even though I can probably guarantee there's an excuse for every one of them from her.
Phone: You gave dad $60 for two months and he added you to his line. We all know after two months, he's not going to get paid again. I suggest that he give the $60 back, and you go get a prepaid phone. No money = no phone. Be responsible enough to control your own PERKS in life. The schools need a phone # for emergency, use dad's.
Food: Use your money to get food for the kids. If you've got extra, then get some for yourself. If not, ASK the parents if you can use theirs. If they say ok, repay it when you can or with cleaning or doing something around the house. If they're going to continue to let you eat with no paying, you should be cooking EVERY night. Earn your keep. You're not 12 anymore! You get food stamps or whatever, you use it and live off of it until you EARN something better.
Room & Board: If they're letting you stay for free, you better keep that place spotless. You know damn well that if it were just mom and dad, like it should be, that house would be spotless. Like it was before you moved in. You know how dad is. I don't care if you "pickup" or do whatever, S-P-O-T-L-E-S-S is how it should be! Especially with being virtually unemployed! It's your kids that are making it dirty.
Bills: I know mom and dad have paid some of your debt off, and I know you still got bills. Time to cut out all the stupid stuff you spend money on. No, you DON'T get to go out drinking. No, you don't get to go out to dinner. NO YOU DON'T GET TO JOIN A DATING SITE! NO YOU DON'T GET TO GO ON A DATE! You have $20, send it towards a bill! Be responsible. Let mom and dad give you an allowance! Any money you have, you give to them as rent. They can then give you an allowance if what you want is worth it. You obviously can't handle any money you do get!
Kids: Structure and positive reinforcement. I don't care what you "say" when I'm there, there is no such thing. Get off your ass and be a damn parent! When your child almost drowns, don't go on a rant about how you're a "Shitty fuckin mother" and point out someone else who has a kid in the pool. SEE IF YOUR KID IS FUCKING ALIVE! And then to downplay it and say he was only under a second, and you were watching him? So what, he could have gone another 3 seconds before you put your cigarette down and jumped in the pool? lol You are undeserving and unfit to be a mother. You're a selfsih mooch who cares about having a man more than anything. Without a man, you have no excuse but to do it on your own. Solution: Teach them something. Have positive play time with BOTH kids. Let the siblings PLAY TOGETHER! Or work out something where you actually get a job and grow up. I don't get how you doesn't understand WHY Hailey doesn't do anything you asks her to. It's because she knows she's going to get in trouble regardless, so why not keep doing what she's doing? You did the same thing with dad. You knew he was going to criticize HOW you did, so why do it at all?
When I started this, I thought that somehow, some way, something would resonate, and I could gain a sister I would choose, but something tells me this was just another 30 minutes wasted. Why would someone change after 32 years? It's hard enough for me to commit to the little things I'm trying to do, like the lawn. Why would a 32 year that hasn't had to work hard for anything, want to give that up. So long as people enable her, it will just continue on. And my parents wonder why I never want to go out and visit them. It's because I can't just visit you two, I have to visit everyone and sitting there listening to Hailey get yelled at drives me nuts!
Well, now that it's out there. Let's see what happens. I may have just ostracized myself from my own family. I just don't see why my parents have become so weak! I know they don't want this. My dad is too afraid of my mom, and my mom is on another planet when it comes to my sister.
Help needs to happen. But we've exhausted our energy on her. It needs to happen now, before my niece and nephew grow up to be drug dealers and strippers because their mom is too busy with the next man.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy
Remember that dude on SNL? I always think about that before I write something here.
Let me run through everything briefly to catch up, since I haven't posted since Thursday!
Friday, I went to Cowboy Country and I spent $10 to get in and $5 for post drinking Carl's Jr. Marissa supplied the 2-3 drinks we had. Thanks!
Saturday, I met up with my dad for the UFC fight at Legends Sports Bar in Belmont Shore. I thought it would only cost me $10 to get in, but it was $15 this time. I was going to watch this fight no matter what, so it was spend $15 and some drinks there or spend $45 and some drinks here. Well after 3 beers and a couple appetizers with my dad, the $15 went up to $55. It was at this point where I realized that I have become a little anal about this money thing, because I began to get almost irritated about my wanting that 3rd beer. This money kick has already sank in and it's really only been about a month maybe. It's in the back of every thought now, which I like, and it's beginning to really work! After one more month, I should be able to make better money-spending decision without having to even think! My dad and I even talked briefly about this, and he explained that the Evans clan are the type of people that buy another round if they think it will keep the party going. I guess I am a true Evans, because after the fight, we went and bought some cigars ($20) and walked around 2nd street talking. We stood on the corner simply bonding and smoking some great cigars, then went to La Creperie after it to grab some dessert! I love the ambiance of that place by the way. After this, we split up and he was going to come to my house and decide if he was going to stay the night, as it was already midnight, or go home. I got home and as I did, I got a text from him saying, "Going home. Thanks for a great evening. Love dad." This simple text made me smile like I have never smiled before. I know I mentioned briefly in a previous post about how any semblance of the "love" emotion has never happened, and didn't need to because we knew, but those last two words meant more than any two words I've ever read in my life. I responded with, "Alright. Drive safe. Thank you too. It was great. Love you too." I don't know how long it took him to actually type that and send it, but I'm positive there was a pause on his end, probably to figure out where the 'V' was on the keyboard. Oh, I spent a total of $87 that night, but that night, I would have paid much, much more had I known how great it would have been with my dad!
Sunday, SUNDAY, Sunday! I played in a beach volleyball tournament. I made some sandwiches and packed it up with some water. We tied for 3rd in our pool, but didn't make the playoffs due to our point ratio, but the two teams that finished ahead of us in the pool finished 2nd and 3rd, so we did alright. After this, I spent another $11 on pizza and soda for two, then another $5 on In-n-out later that night. I spent a total of $20.96 for the sandwiches, water and the other two purchases. eek.
Monday was today! I spent $6.10 on all my food and drinks, and $5 for parking for my dance class. I also did a lot of work around the house today. I got to thinking about some of this work I did today too, and came to an interesting, yet obvious, conclusion; It takes a lot of hard work and time to make something grow and maintain it, but it takes less than a quarter of that time to destroy it! Then, it seems to take twice that time to get it back.
Initially, I thought this because I saw some pictures my dad recently uploaded to facebook, that showed my front yard. Pictures from about 2 years ago I believe. The lawn was bright green and great! Now, its bright yellow and dirt! I know how much work he put into that lawn, as well as the rest of the house, and I killed it in NO TIME! I did try to revive it once, but lost interest. That's when I realized the same goes for nearly everything; relationships, plants, pets, personal health, etc. They all take a lot of hard work and time to see growth and maintain, but with a little neglect or lack of responsibility they can all disappear or wither away. Once that has happened, it seems that you work twice as hard to get it back, but it just doesn't respond, which leaves one wondering why! It didn't take this much work to grow it in the first place, right?
There is only one solution that I can think of to counteract the effects of these actions, which is to simply commit to what you want to accomplish, and hold yourself accountable no matter what. Too often we make excuses as to why something got the way it did, knowing full well that we could have and should have never even let it get to this point in the first place. I'm now recognizing why everything is dead, what I did and didn't do, and I'm figuring out what I'm going to do to fix them.
I've already started this process with my financial situation, but it's much deeper than just the pocketbook. Like I said, this applies to everything! My past relationships, my current relationships, my dog, my lawn, my dirty house! It's about priorities, and my priorities have been to be lazy and selfish. Am I supposed to be growing up this fast? Is this the age that people become boring, and life has scheduled fun time? Where I need to make watering the lawn and cleaning the house a priority over drinking and playing ping pong? Man, this blows! Where is Zoltar when you need him?
I will say one thing. When you let stuff get as out of control as my house has gotten, it sure does feel good to be able to see the difference! I mean, what fun is it cleaning a relatively spotless room? You can't even see what progress you made! (Although I do know how nice it is to just have to wipe something down versus scrubbing the hell out of it.)
I will be taking before and after pictures of my house transformation too.
Goal #8: Nurse my house back to strength!
Oh and goal #6, working out 3/week before work has been a work in progress. The first week was one day, the second week was two, and this week will be three! That is all for today.
Let me run through everything briefly to catch up, since I haven't posted since Thursday!
Friday, I went to Cowboy Country and I spent $10 to get in and $5 for post drinking Carl's Jr. Marissa supplied the 2-3 drinks we had. Thanks!
Saturday, I met up with my dad for the UFC fight at Legends Sports Bar in Belmont Shore. I thought it would only cost me $10 to get in, but it was $15 this time. I was going to watch this fight no matter what, so it was spend $15 and some drinks there or spend $45 and some drinks here. Well after 3 beers and a couple appetizers with my dad, the $15 went up to $55. It was at this point where I realized that I have become a little anal about this money thing, because I began to get almost irritated about my wanting that 3rd beer. This money kick has already sank in and it's really only been about a month maybe. It's in the back of every thought now, which I like, and it's beginning to really work! After one more month, I should be able to make better money-spending decision without having to even think! My dad and I even talked briefly about this, and he explained that the Evans clan are the type of people that buy another round if they think it will keep the party going. I guess I am a true Evans, because after the fight, we went and bought some cigars ($20) and walked around 2nd street talking. We stood on the corner simply bonding and smoking some great cigars, then went to La Creperie after it to grab some dessert! I love the ambiance of that place by the way. After this, we split up and he was going to come to my house and decide if he was going to stay the night, as it was already midnight, or go home. I got home and as I did, I got a text from him saying, "Going home. Thanks for a great evening. Love dad." This simple text made me smile like I have never smiled before. I know I mentioned briefly in a previous post about how any semblance of the "love" emotion has never happened, and didn't need to because we knew, but those last two words meant more than any two words I've ever read in my life. I responded with, "Alright. Drive safe. Thank you too. It was great. Love you too." I don't know how long it took him to actually type that and send it, but I'm positive there was a pause on his end, probably to figure out where the 'V' was on the keyboard. Oh, I spent a total of $87 that night, but that night, I would have paid much, much more had I known how great it would have been with my dad!
Sunday, SUNDAY, Sunday! I played in a beach volleyball tournament. I made some sandwiches and packed it up with some water. We tied for 3rd in our pool, but didn't make the playoffs due to our point ratio, but the two teams that finished ahead of us in the pool finished 2nd and 3rd, so we did alright. After this, I spent another $11 on pizza and soda for two, then another $5 on In-n-out later that night. I spent a total of $20.96 for the sandwiches, water and the other two purchases. eek.
Monday was today! I spent $6.10 on all my food and drinks, and $5 for parking for my dance class. I also did a lot of work around the house today. I got to thinking about some of this work I did today too, and came to an interesting, yet obvious, conclusion; It takes a lot of hard work and time to make something grow and maintain it, but it takes less than a quarter of that time to destroy it! Then, it seems to take twice that time to get it back.
Initially, I thought this because I saw some pictures my dad recently uploaded to facebook, that showed my front yard. Pictures from about 2 years ago I believe. The lawn was bright green and great! Now, its bright yellow and dirt! I know how much work he put into that lawn, as well as the rest of the house, and I killed it in NO TIME! I did try to revive it once, but lost interest. That's when I realized the same goes for nearly everything; relationships, plants, pets, personal health, etc. They all take a lot of hard work and time to see growth and maintain, but with a little neglect or lack of responsibility they can all disappear or wither away. Once that has happened, it seems that you work twice as hard to get it back, but it just doesn't respond, which leaves one wondering why! It didn't take this much work to grow it in the first place, right?
There is only one solution that I can think of to counteract the effects of these actions, which is to simply commit to what you want to accomplish, and hold yourself accountable no matter what. Too often we make excuses as to why something got the way it did, knowing full well that we could have and should have never even let it get to this point in the first place. I'm now recognizing why everything is dead, what I did and didn't do, and I'm figuring out what I'm going to do to fix them.
I've already started this process with my financial situation, but it's much deeper than just the pocketbook. Like I said, this applies to everything! My past relationships, my current relationships, my dog, my lawn, my dirty house! It's about priorities, and my priorities have been to be lazy and selfish. Am I supposed to be growing up this fast? Is this the age that people become boring, and life has scheduled fun time? Where I need to make watering the lawn and cleaning the house a priority over drinking and playing ping pong? Man, this blows! Where is Zoltar when you need him?
I will say one thing. When you let stuff get as out of control as my house has gotten, it sure does feel good to be able to see the difference! I mean, what fun is it cleaning a relatively spotless room? You can't even see what progress you made! (Although I do know how nice it is to just have to wipe something down versus scrubbing the hell out of it.)
I will be taking before and after pictures of my house transformation too.
Goal #8: Nurse my house back to strength!
Oh and goal #6, working out 3/week before work has been a work in progress. The first week was one day, the second week was two, and this week will be three! That is all for today.
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Forgot something
Forgot that I still have another full chicken breast just like this one as a leftover! $3.44 and I have another full meal almost as A LEFTOVER? haha oh jeez
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