4 Years, 7 Months

**dusts cobwebs**::tap tap::: is this thing on?

Hello ghosts of yesteryear. remember me? 4 years and 7 months ago I created my first post on this thing. It was directed at my financial woes, insecurities and downright stupidity. 4 years and 7 months ago I PROCLAIMED LOUDLY, that things were going to change. 4 years and 7 months ago I had an "epiphany!" I even called the post that. 4 years and 7 months later, not much has changed.

I'm here to face my demons a little bit. To broadcast that I've been mostly all talk. To put out in the open, for whatever reason, how I feel and what I've gone through.

Cold hard facts. I ran up a lot of credit card and tax debt. I spent 4 years coming up with master plans to attack it, save, and remove my cloak of shame. I spent days actually doing it. Until 2013.

In about March/April 2013 the anxiety and fear of living the rest of my life not being able to afford vacations, an engagement ring, owning a house, having savings, raising a kid and all the other things money kind of dictates, I FINALLY took the appropriate action. I contacted the non-profit, Consumer Credit Counseling Services of San Francisco and after eliminating every "excuse" I had for how I couldn't survive without my credit cards, I pulled the trigger.

At $16,552 in credit cards, I called and canceled every single one. All FIVE of them. In a matter of minutes, I converted to an all cash budget. Whatever I earned, that's all there was. With the exception of about one or two times, due to poor financial decisions, I have lived now EIGHT months with only the cash I earn. Something I thought was impossible, was actually REALLY easy to do. On top of lowering the amount I paid each month combined, about $550 to $332, this service got two of my interest rates down to 2%, two to 9.99% and one to 7.99%. I will, if I simply follow the minimum payments, have everything paid off in 5 years from the date of inception. But beyond the money, the weight of the anxiety and fear has been lifted I no longer have that depression surrounding money! It still has a long way to go for me to be HAPPY, but I finally got rid of the monster!

At first, five years sounded like, "well, I guess I've got five years to get everything else in order to start my life at 35." But, as I just made a $500 payment - which saved me about two years on one card and about $220 in interest- I know that I'm capable of saving, budgeting, and accomplishing my goal faster than that.

2014 is about changing my focus. I was given Tony Robbins Ultimate Edge for Christmas and have found it very empowering so far. "Wherever focus goes, energy flows." I was always focused on not having money and how do I manage my credit card debt and, shockingly, all my energy went into not having money. Now I'm focused on saving, budgeting, self-control, living within my means, and guess what, my energy goes towards saving, budgeting, self-control, and living within my means. Say whaaa?

What's the point of all this? Why am I telling you? Because just like Mr. Tony Robbins, if my sharing what I've learned and discovered can help just one person, it's all worth it. So if you have ANY questions or fears or are in the same boat I was, please understand first and foremost, I UNDERSTAND THE SHAME that goes with it, and will NOT judge you. How could I? Second, please reach out, or click the link. The anxiety of money problems is one large sunufubitch, but you can overcome it!

On a side note, if any of my friends actually read this, and you think I'm lame that I, "never come out," please understand that I WANT TO, but I'm really focused on saving and accomplishing as much as I possibly can this year. That doesn't mean I wont have ANY fun, but I'll be more prone to hang out if it's not OUT at a bar or restaurant. And I'll do a better job at planning shindigs at my place! Deal?

More posts to come. This was just kind of a random smattering of thoughts, probably poorly written. oh well!